Well, I'll throw my 2 cents in here

1. Being overweight is only an issue if you make it an issue. If you're self conscious about it then start working out and lose it. But I'll tell you this. I have a friend that is literally just shy of 500lbs and he has never had a problem meeting women and forming relationships (and these are surprisingly attractive and moderately intelligent women).

2. Confidence is key. If you think a girl isn't going to be interested in you, you're probably right. Women, like wolves, can smell fear. My large friend is extremely confident. But if you're going to be self-deprecating, then at least be funny about it.

3. Have fun. If you do nothing but make snarky remarks about everything around you then say goodbye to the girl you're trying to impress. Stuff like that works in small doses. I was a t a bar with several friends one night and it was pretty boring. So we started daring each other to do stupid things. I ended up jumping on the bar shirtless doing the "truffle shuffle" from The Goonies (I'm 6ft 250lbs with a severe farmer's tan) and I ended up getting 3 numbers that night.

4. Don't be a slob. Appearance is very important so don't try meeting people with stained clothes (unless it's a very recent stain and there's a funny story to share). On the other hand don't go out looking for love dressed to the nines. Think about it. If she meets you and you've got perfectly styled hair and a tailored Armani button up then what is she going to think when you try to take her out wearing a ZP shirt and cargos.

5. Cologne (ties in with the above). Bathe regularly and use a shampoo and conditioner that matches your hair type. Use a light scented body wash for the rest (heavy scented usually never have an attractive scent). Follow that up with a deodorant (lightly scented of course) or a deodorant/antiperspirant if you sweat a lot (I'll admit I do). Then apply your cologne. But first you need to find what colognes suit you. This will be determined by personal taste and the people working the cologne counter can be of great service. If I knew you I could probably make a recommendation. DO NOT USE AXE/LYNX/BOD or whatever your area has for body sprays sold near the deodorant. You're not a 15 year old and you shouldn't smell like one. I'm fairly obsessive about my colognes and have about 20 different scents but you will be fine will just one as long as your happy with it. For example: If I'm out shopping for Christmas presents on a cold winter's day I'll wear something rich and spicy like Burberry or Armani Blue Jeans. If I'm down at the lake hanging out at the dock in the summer I'll wear something light and refreshing like l'eau d'issey or Aqua di Gio. The key to proper cologne application is for only people you want to smell it should smell it. I keep my elbow against my side and extend my arm outward (like i was reading a can of green beans) and spray at my neck and then hold my hand completely up and spray once and let it fall on me.

6. Make eye contact. If your eyes are darting around or you're staring at the floor it's impossible to make a connection. But beware, there's a difference between gazing and sizing her up for what size barrel you're going to bury her in and really I've found it's just trial and error.

7. Hang out with girls. Having close girl friends tells prospects that you can converse and interact with females. It really plays to your advantage if the prospect thinks that you and your friend are "together" (deny it all you want girls you know it's true). A couple of years ago one of my friends was dating a model and we became friends and I can guarantee you that any time I went out she was the first person I hit up to go with me.

8. Go where you're comfortable. Me, I'm a bar/pub kind of person (I spent most of my childhood in the bar in my hometown) though not so much of a nightclub person. I like to be able to hold conversations while I'm drinking but not for it to be dead silent. If that's not your cup of tea then don't do it. Girls will be able to tell that you are uncomfortable.

9. Seal the deal. You said that you have no problem talking to girls just getting them to get together with you at a later time. The best advice I can give you on this is just be blunt. Yeah, the first few times will feel like you just hit the downslope on a roller coaster but when it pays off the high is extraordinary. You've got her laughing and smiling and she's giving you cues then just come out with something like, "Well, I've got to go but I would really like to see you again." (minor emphasis on the really). The most she can say is no. Or she could say "Good God, no" but in that case she was a heartless bitch and you are better for not wasting six months of your life pandering to that harpy.

a. Cues. You also said you were oblivious to whether a girl was into you or not. There are a lot of cues that girls will give you that they are into you but these should help you. Genuine smile with eye contact, the gears are turning in her head as she is sizing you up. Smiling but hiding it with her hand, she's more than likely into you but is self-conscious and is subconsciously masking herself. Touching, If she touches your forearm then you are in and just need to seal the deal, I can't explain why it's the forearm it just is. I have a move where I'll give half a smile and swipe my chin with my thumb and index finger and then grab each elbow with the opposite hand. If she's into me this will almost always trigger a forearm touch. Shoulder touch, friend city or she's your boss. Crotch touch, really you shouldn't need an explanation.

Khell_Sennet:
Before I get to direct responses, I'd like to address two common comments...

Re: Get out of the house and be social / Stop playing video games and go outside - To this I would like to mention, my game playing has dropped phenomenally this past year or two. On average, I've spent less than 6 hours a week gaming. Could attribute some of it to the lack of decent games, but I actually do get out of the house quite a bit, and that's been cutting down my playtime. And I really do get out, but most of the time I'll be out with a female friend, which really impedes any mate-searching.

Re: Growing a pair - I actually don't have problems speaking with the ladies. I can start up a conversation with just about anyone, but I do have problems steering the conversation towards dating topics. For instance, I can never find the right way to ask if someone's single. And I fully admit, I'm oblivious to whether or not someone is hitting on me. Never having dated in highschool or college, I am inexperienced with womanspeak and subtle nuances.

Oh, one other thing worth quick mention. I don't drink coffee or tea, and while that doesn't prohibit me from going to Tim Hortons and getting a pop, the whole "Want to go grab a cup of coffee" line seems awkward to use when I hate coffee.

jim_doki:
Khell, is this some kind of trap? do you seriously expect us to believe someone as witty, smart, funny, outspoken and brave as you is having trouble finding a woman?

Yep.

I mean forgive my skepticism, but the only explinations i can think of are that there's some kind of woman shortage in canada, or you have a hump.[/quote]

Well as I said, I have a spare tire up front, but no Quasimoto going on. There have been females in my life that I would have hooked up with as quick as you could say Potato, but they were all taken. One was married, two had steady boyfriends that they'd been living with for over a year, one had a boyfriend and was pregnant, and I totally blew it with an old crush of mine, but that one's a long story best saved for another time/thread.

@ Raven28256, some good advice in there. The losing weight one is ironically the most effective and least constructive step. Be it a month after meeting a girl, or after fifty years of marriage, at some point in all our lives we will loose our attractive appearance, and picking the right mate is picking the one who is less concerned about appearance and more concerned with personality. Also, glad I was thinking along the same lines as your advice, if bars aren't my kind of place, who I find there won't be my kind of girl.

Graustein:
Going in a direction completely opposite to that of the rest of this thread... have you tried online dating services?

Nope, not yet. Kind of wary about such places, and I'd first prefer to fall on my face (so to speak) a couple times before I resort to such measures. As my OP said, I am just starting out here, I'd only just decided to actively seek a relationship and I don't know where to start.

Bright_Raven:
just a second, and seriously, are you a virgin?

Yes, 26.98 years and counting.

pDsOrion:
Only advice I have for you, is what I beleive works for me. You have to not want a relationship. The more you dont pay attention, the more attention you bring yourself.

I've been "not paying attention" for quite a while. I always figured if I didn't look for love, love would find me. Could someone please give Love a TomTom GPS for XMas?

Pudgyboi:
Set goals for yourself.. start low at first then work your way up.

and if your that lonely. Get yerself a dog.. dogs are mostly loyal..mostly.

Ok, now I'm just spotting innuendo everywhere I look. But re: a dog, I'm not that kind of lonely, I have a roommate and some close friends I see often. But I want more. I want a life-long relationship with a woman who makes me feel happy, and down the road (but not too far down) I want kids.

Labyrinth:
Avoid patronising, or trying to impress a greater knowledge or vocabulary on the other person.

I'm actually pretty bad for that... Not so much the patronizing, but I speak in a different manner than most, using phrases and words that leave people scratching their heads, and I really do tend to ramble when talking about things I know well.

Personal hygiene is a big thing here. Cologne is your friend (though if budget is tight, a good, but not overpowering spray deodorant will do), as is regular showering and similar habits.

Thankfully one area I differ from the stereotyped geek. Aside from a light dandruff problem that always makes my glasses seem a little dusty, I don't have that whole unwashed computer nerd or anime fanboy thing going on. But curious on the cologne thing. What's the whole ruling on when to and when not to be wearing it? Obviously first meeting and any fancy occasion, but is it best to wear the stuff every time you see someone, or only for more formal occasions?

Tenmar:
Also there is a huge difference from dressing horribly and looking good. Women look at those first impressions on how you physically look(same with us guys) but there is another part where looking good is also another eye turner for women. Women do not normally want to go out with the guy wearing the polo shirt and jeans, but someone who can be themself and wear something that complements their look(it is different for each guy).

Having a totally uncommon sense of style, I know I'm going to run into problems trying to dress in an appealing manner while not compromising the real me for a fake me. By this I mean that if I dress differently to find a relationship than I would normally dress, I'm not presenting the real me, but the real me tends to dress in military camo, which is not a big selling point with most ladies.

Anyhoo, lots here to digest. But it's something like 20 minutes to 1am, and I work tomorrow. Good night folks, I'll check in once I get to work.[/quote] You know head & shoulders works great for getting rid of dandruff.

Son of Makuta:
I don't get this whole attraction malarkey, myself. No idea how it works whatsoever. Like many of us, I've had no luck whatsoever with purposefully getting anyone remotely interested in me.

I'm not even sure why nobody appears to take any interest. If confidence really is the key ingredient, I'd be drowning in attraction. I have craptons of it. For example, I don't drink but I'll go out to clubs/whatever and dance with incredible abandon anyway. This also appears to impress people (most likely because they're drunk to some degree and I'm moving very quickly...). I'm not hideously ugly (I think!) and I'm nice, intelligent, fairly witty etc. According to female friends I even have nice hair. Okay so I have a list of ego-expostulations, what fun, and half of you probably think I'm a dick by now. None of these traits seem to do anything for me though :/

I do worry sometimes that I don't have many female-compatible interests, or hell, other-people-compatible interests. Despite having plenty of friends, I often find myself lost for topics in prolonged conversations with some people, particularly on MSN.

Looks like you're in relatively the same position as me. Much to my dismay, the whole "get outside the house" thing just isn't working for me. I do fitness kickboxing and mixed martial arts for a total of 9.5 hours a week (unfortunately very few women my age go to my dojo and the ones that do don't go that often at all), and get outside the house every day to do either grocery shopping, martial arts, or just going for a walk/run.

I, too have had the conundrum of not having stuff to talk about on most occasions. Not only with girls I'm interested in, but friends as well. However, I must thank Dalton McGuinty (the premier of Ontario who has introduced those crazy driving laws that every teenager is up in arms against) and the author of Twilight (The "WTF" factor of sparkling vampires, among other things, makes the movie/book fun to smack talk) for giving me interesting conversation pieces.

The main reason why my conversations tend to run dry is that I haven't actually been able to spend time with them. Whenever I'm in a group of 3, the other 2 tend to have a long conversation that I can't follow (for example, they talk about something that happened in one of their high school classes that I'm not in).

I suppose the point of all this is that it all depends on circumstance, really. You just got to be at the right place at the right time.

Khell_Sennet:
For instance, I can never find the right way to ask if someone's single.

My method of choice is to add them on Facebook and check their relationship status there. Perhaps not the best way to do it, but it works for me.

My wife says happy birthday (you and her share the same day) and good luck and happy hunting. We also agree about the coffee shop thing. Just take a book, people always ask about what you are reading and it is an interesting conversation starter.

Najos:
Meh, it worked for me. I'm not really saying the "bottom of the barrel" either. I'm saying girls that he can actually relate to right off the bat. Talking to girls will already be hard enough. I'm just saying shoot for nerdy chicks. They can be hot nerdy chicks or intellectually stimulating or whatever gets you off. The best place to meet said nerdy chicks would be ren fairs, comic cons, games workshop, whatever!

For some reason I must operate differently. Nothing has ever made me more confident than breaking up with different girls. Maybe it isn't confidence and it is just apathy masked as confidence. I dunno, though. The main thing is to find girls attracted to who you are, yes...but you can still date around for a while without being serious about it. The WORST thing that could happen is him getting too serious and then being dumped, I think.

Well, what you wrote was find someone who is also "desperate." That's why it seemed like you were implying, "Anyone goes - just use 'em for practice."

I agree that it's good to get out and meet people. Nothing wrong with that.

I would add to that list "anime cons." The demographics there are much bigger.

LostInTheCosmos:

Well, what you wrote was find someone who is also "desperate." That's why it seemed like you were implying, "Anyone goes - just use 'em for practice."

I agree that it's good to get out and meet people. Nothing wrong with that.

I would add to that list "anime cons." The demographics there are much bigger.

I went to one of those(friends drug me, there was a halo 2 tournament, I was young and needed the money)... weird...

I have a similare problem except that at times I have actively gone out looking for a girlfriend. There have been several girls I have been interested in but none felt the same way and I have a problem with fearing that if I tell some how I feel I will lose them as a friend.

PatientGrasshopper:
I have a similare problem except that at times I have actively gone out looking for a girlfriend. There have been several girls I have been interested in but none felt the same way and I have a problem with fearing that if I tell some how I feel I will lose them as a friend.

Same here. There is just a feeling that if they say no, things will be too awkward to allow us to still be friends.

Smiles:
just how desperate are you? and what area of canada do you live in? and how tall are you?

Wouldn't call it desperate, three years from now as I approach the big 30, then if still no success, I might be desperate. In theory (not like my theories pan out that often) it shouldn't be so hard for me to find someone because I'm not overly concerned with appearances... I am a lot more comfortable with heavier-set women, physically fit is just fine as well, but I wouldn't put a person's weight as a deciding factor. A beautiful face with a sincere smile is worth more than a slim build and huge fake tits. All in all, I'm more interested in personality than appearance, and am hoping for someone fun to be with, easy to talk to, and more interested in being their own self than conforming to how others think they should be.

As to the rest, Edmonton Alberta, and roughly 6 ft tall.

Labyrinth:
This is a little secret, actually. Smell is the sense most closely connected with memory. As such you can actually 'train' someone to react in a certain way to a certain smell. One cologne could be for the romantic occasions, another for more.. intimate affairs. It's amazing how dramatic a result can be. Once someone has subconsciously connected a scent, for example, with romantic occasions, any time they smell it they'll be reminded of those. It works the same for many things, wink wink. Use that knowledge how you will.

Very good to know...
On the topic of colognes/scents, between my athsma/allergies, there are very few colognes I can tolerate, but there's this one I'm fond of called "Happy" by Clinique (the mens version obviously). I don't know my colognes, I only know what I personally like, but do you or any other woman have an opinion on if that's a good one? It's kinda sweet/orangie smelling, and I don't know how to compare it to what others, say like my brother, use.

Re: the whole clothing/fashion thing... I do, at least as far as others have told me, look smashing in formal wear. In my suit, with the tie and blazer, I pull together a really decent appearance. And in truth, I don't mind the formal look. It's not one of those things where I'd be dressing myself as what is truly not me, but my job is not the business suit kind of place, and its also not the kind of thing to just wear when out and about.

So where would be a good midway point for someone who's taste is on both ends of the spectrum, from extreme formality to blatantly casual, without compromising the real me for a presentable me? (If only they made business suits in urban camo. Then I'd have the best of both worlds, wuahahaha.)

ThrobbingEgo:
The trouble with asking people for advice over the internet is that you have no idea if the advice you're getting is any good. Especially if it involves meeting women. No man wants to admit that they have no idea how to meet a girl and start a real, lasting relationship (besides you, of course :P). Especially not on the internet under an assumed name. You're going to hear a lot of locker room bravado. Most of what you hear won't work, or will only work on the short term.

Among some of the most important advice received so far. And yes I do realize that any advice here must be taken with caution, it is the internet after all, but I do hold the Escapist crowd to a higher standard than well, anywhere else online. I have some real dear friends here, and even my most villainous opposition on this site are still wiser and better people than Average Joe Netgoer. I have a very high regard and respect for this place, and it is only because of which, that I'd ever post such a thread online. Unlike say, oh the 4Chan crowd, who's advice is usually to kill one's self no matter what the question is.

Doug:
24 now, and from what I can tell, we're in the same boat.

It's funny, never felt like this boat was crowded but there sure does seem to be a lot of us on it, no? So long as it isn't the Failboat, hopefully we each find a good port to call home.

Syndef:
27 years old is nothing, man. You're not considered an old guy yet.

My ribs hurt now from laughing, it's like an inside joke only I get for reading that, so guess I'd better fill in a couple details...
To me, time is very important. 27 is an accomplishment, as technically I should already be dead. I was born with a defective heart, which required open-heart surgery at about 2.5yrs of age. Had my parents not been financially secure, I would not be here today. When my lungs tanked on me, the doctors were split on whether I'd make it to 20 before being relegated to an Iron Lung for the rest of my days, or if I'd get on fine with only minor athsmatic problems. Luckily I again dodged the bullet, and it does make me very aware that every day is one more day than I was supposed to have.

Azhrarn-101:
Confidence is something I apparently fake quite well, even when I feel terrified inside. Perhaps a result from being teased and bullied for years in primary and middle school. I shield my emotions very well, this doesn't help relations much as I often seem aloof, but the response is completely automatic by now. It was a kind of "survival mechanism" afteral.

It seems that my life story is being summed up a piece at a time in the posts of others here. Also a victim of bullying throughout most of my school life, and you are so right that it builds emotional and confidence barriers. It's taken years to overcome but a fraction of the damage that was done in school.

justnotcricket:
So many words if I didn't snip them down this post would stretch to Tibet...

Thank you Justnotcricket, that's quite a lot to digest there, and one thing really stands out for me... Dancing. I've been contemplating learning formal dance, because I'm really really insecure about my dancing skills, and I honestly would like to learn formal dance.

Hyper-space:
does gloves with +10 personality enchant work?

this guy is trying to sell me some gear that should help me with the ladies

Don't trust in enchanted gloves, look what they did to Michael Jackson.

@ Landslide, definitely going to give that meetup site a chance. Not quite a dating site, just social networking if I'm reading it right... More my style I think.

@ Najos, I know you mean well, but that particular bit of advice clashes with my view of women. I'm not a date-em-and-dump-em kind of guy, I don't see relationships as temporary filler, nor women as temporary companions. It's not my nature. And I'm not looking for sex... Sex is all good, and I hope when I find the right woman that we'll be rutting like rabbits on viagra, but my goal is to find a woman for a more lasting relationship and let the rest come when it may.

Regina:
I know this sounds a little shallow, but make sure you're not setting your standards too high, whether unconsciously or not. Don't accidentally overlook a real possibility just because she's a little overweight or not as attractive as you'd like, even if some girls have overlooked you for your appearance in the past. Attraction always grows as you start to get to know and like someone better.

How to say this without putting my foot in my mouth (as comments about females' appearances is always dangerous ground)...
Beauty to me is real, not fake. Waistline, bust size, height, glasses or not, none of that's a high concern with me. The only physical attribute that matters to me is the face, as it reflects truths about a person that they can lie about in a million other ways. A genuinely nice and kind person will have a beautiful face, at least in my eyes. They may not see it as beautiful, some people may even make fun of their looks, but nothing can hide a genuine smile or thoughtful eyes. Just as the most perfectly sculpted visage cannot hide the cold stare of a heartless bitch, or a calculating gold digger.

So my standards in a lover meet with the same standards I have for friends... Someone who can accept me for who I am, can accept the truth that I will appreciate them for who THEY are, and honesty being more important than protecting one's feelings, but in that honesty you still respect their feelings.

Not to say I don't have certain preferences, but they're secondary concerns... I do prefer ladies of my own general skintone (white). I don't discount the possibility of meeting an oriental or afro-american soulmate, and wouldn't exclude a possibility simply because of skin color, but as is natural instinct, I do have a preference for white. I prefer redheads and brunettes, I absolutely love certain accents (Celtic/Gaelic, Cockney, East Slavic, Caribbean Creole, and German), and given a choice would rather find someone atheistic or agnostic, but even that is negotiable so long as we both respect each other's views.

There's only two races/cultures I'd find myself (rationally or irrationally) opposed to dating someone of, Jewish and French-Canadian. French-Canadian is more a political thing for me, so it's not insurmountable. Jewish is because of their faith and practices, I am not compatible with their beliefs, and the only way I could date/marry someone Jewish was if she was a totally non-practicing one.

And I don't mean this in a mocking way, but I do have to say that I just chuckle every time Cuddly Tomato posts in this thread, because of his Avatar being Butters Stotch, I just picture his advice in Butters' voice.

Sorry all, this post is probably the size of the Titanic by now, and I've probably missed a few posts still. But I do appreciate all the advice.

3 pages of responses, and not one gets it right.

Step 1: Buy a top hat, a nice jacket, and pheromone spray.
Step 2: Spray yourself with the stuff
Step 3: Find women
Step 4: Get laid.

It's really not as hard as people make it out to be.

well, from one virgin-never-had-a-relationship to annother

http://www.mangafox.com/page/manga/series/337/futari_ecchi/

NOT FOR KIDS!
this is an educational Manga (read from right to left) about sex.

and now, i am going to make my own forum...

Khell_Sennet:
I know you mean well, but that particular bit of advice clashes with my view of women. I'm not a date-em-and-dump-em kind of guy, I don't see relationships as temporary filler, nor women as temporary companions. It's not my nature. And I'm not looking for sex... Sex is all good, and I hope when I find the right woman that we'll be rutting like rabbits on viagra, but my goal is to find a woman for a more lasting relationship and let the rest come when it may.

See, I'm not really talking about sex. You're just not going to meet a girl that you can have a meaningful relationship with by looking for a girl to have a meaningful relationship with. You're going to meet women (especially if they're pushing 30) that aren't looking for the same thing, would stick with anyone so long as they can get married soon, and maybe you will meet someone special and whatnot. Maybe. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you approach it as more of a making new friends thing and take it from there; you're more likely to find the right woman.

Then again, I may be looking at it all wrong and you're not really as serious as you seem about it?

Edit: Also, maybe where you live is different. I'm cursed living in the South Eastern US; where if you aren't married by 30 there's something terribly wrong with you. If you're like me and don't even like the concept of marriage...well, you're just fucked.

Hunde Des Krieg:
Hooking up with drunk girls is shallow and dishonorable, I don't fucking care what anyone says. I too am slightly overweight and this fact kills all my confidence, I can't hardly be around girls without feeling like they are judging me all the time.

god don't I know that feeling. (hey if I can't be angsty on the internet, where can I be angsty?)

Duck Sandwich:
Whenever I'm in a group of 3, the other 2 tend to have a long conversation that I can't follow (for example, they talk about something that happened in one of their high school classes that I'm not in).

This annoys the living HELL out of me when it happens.

^ That happens much too often. I'm on my way to same road as OP.

^^An advertiser just necro'd this thread, guys. An unsubtle advertiser.

ummm... what exactly is this forum about?

I met my wife on an online dating site and she is the one that initially contacted me. I reccommend that as a potential approach. Here is the one absolute key to online sites though. Be absolutely honest about who you are. Lets face it, if you lie about yourself and then meet the lies are going to be quickly obvious and a potential relationship just evaporated. I won't recommend any specific sites as I don't want to possibly run afoul of posting rules. I will say I used both pay and free ones and had much better luck on the absolutely free ones.

Thai/Russian mail order wife?
I kid, I kid.

Edit: fuck, I thought this thread was new.

meeting42:
Unfortunately big cities make their inhabitants lonely. I mean in a small town or in a village you can know all your neighbors or even a good half of the town folks. But in big cities you can never know the name of the person from the next door. You're lucky if you've managed to meet your soul mate in a college. But at a mature age that's very difficult to find a good person for a long term relationship. Of course there are a lot of online dating sites but that's a kind of a lottery and you can never feel safe when looking for someone on free sites. That's why I've registered at a paid dating service meeting42.com where they take care of their members, give advices or so. If you don't understand anything you are always free to ask at their forum and you'll surely get some help.

*Southern accent* We dont like yer kind round 'ere.

Khell_Sennet:
As another birthday approaches, I'm beginning to feel like my life is incomplete. In six days I will be twenty-seven years old, twenty seven years of being single. Before now, that never bothered me much. I never actually went looking for a girlfriend, a couple times in my life there have been girls I was interested in, but said ladies were either married or already had boyfriends, and it's not my thing to steal another man's woman, no matter how I feel about her.

But as my 27th birthday grows closer, I feel it's finally time to stop passively hoping for romance, and actively seek it. But how? I've never been on a date, I don't know where to start looking, and so I'm at a loss as to where to begin.

While I also do appreciate advice from the guys, especially those who have had luck finding themselves a mate, I mainly put this question out there for the ladies of the Escapist... What should I do, where should I look, and how should I go about finding myself a suitable girlfriend?

A bit about myself, because it would probably factor into what advice is given... I'm a gamer (duh), and a bit of a geek. I can honestly admit I'm not the most attractive guy on the market, I am overweight and fully realize it's a problem, but I am a great listener and an intellectual person. I am anti-alcohol and anti-smoking/drugs, while I would be able to cope with a companion who drinks (but not an alcoholic), I cannot see it working out with a smoker or a junkie.

Being that I don't drink, I don't visit the bars or clubs... My brother is always suggesting I hook up with girls there, but I'm totally out of my element in such places. So is there some better way?

Try being 3X and figuring out what joke relationships are I have decided to hide and yes the light it burns but even within the darkness of my own pew you have to get out you have to meet people it dose not to much matter where through the more comfortable you are the better you can talk to people the more you talk to people the more you can put up and deal with them.

I have given up, but you don't have to.

Greever:
Quit playing videogames. Go to a bar in a group. Take a hot girl with you and use her as a decoy.

Oh wait... you aren't looking to get laid, you want a girlfriend. I'll stop right here.

http://www.eharmony.com

GL... :-O

thats wrong

What should I do, where should I look, and how should I go about finding myself a suitable girlfriend?

First thing is to find someplace where you feel confident about yourself. If that really doesn't exist, then you need to work on that.

To help with this...find something you are interested in, given your weight issues I would say some exercise would be a great place to start (no offence, im a fitness buff...just trust me) go do a boxercise class at your local gym. You can go at your own pace. All you have to do is keep coming back, this will help your fitness, and your self esteem.

Next is to be yourself, be comfortable, and just be outgoing. Ask a woman to the movies and she'll run. Ask if she'd like to have lunch or a coffee, and usually your on the right track. Get to know people, and you'll find someone.

just get involved with the outside world, coffee shops as I saw before are great, but also think about volunteering for things or look into local discussion/ meet up groups ( or start one)

passively hoping really does never work sadly, there are the rare accidents where " pop" suddenly you find someone ( my mate I actually met at work after they hip checked me into a metal rack...and I returned with a full on body check later that day. :P)

though I stress at the same time, don't be TOO active...

it's hard to explain in a short post, but basically just get out there and be yourself, and look in places that hold interest to you, as the likelihood is a woman there will at least share something to start with

You want to fix this relationship angst, Khell_Sennet?

Throw away your f*cking computer.

Seriously, this goes for anyone who spends more than an hour on the computer daily doing unproductive things and is wondering where the girls are at.

I can afford to keep this laptop because I am charismatic and attractive enough to get by despite my using a computer at least 3 hours a day.

YOU CAN CHECK YOUR DAMN EMAIL AT THE LOCAL LIBRARY. There is no excuse to own a computer at the expense of a social life.

Shock treatment is all that works, and honesty is the first step. So be honest. You're a forum dweller, and after 27 years - three years away from a third decade going by - you should bloody well be a world dweller.

For the record, this goes for everyone who feels these things.

Throw away your computer, jog around the block every night - add on another block every 3 nights, get real life friends (you're allowed to use networking sites) and start going dancing (don't have to get drunk to have a night out and meet people)

A couple people have mentioned going to the gym to lose weight, but no-one seems to have mentioned that the gym is also a good place to meet people. Women get self-concious about their weight, too, so that's at least one thing you'll have in common.

aye bro almost same boat turnin 23 this year nary a steady conversational relationship with a female here though... not even friends... I think it's something to do with my rather predatory demeanor... and my whole... 23 uneducated and working as a pizza cook thing with no drivers license... in a city where the average guy is either in the military, drives a BMW, or is at least born to wealthy parents... I have NO chance here... reason why as soon as i get the money together i'm hittin it for eastern canada where the folks aren't 99.9% rich high fashion hypocritical snobs who think badly of you if your pockets don't have more than $200 in cash in em at any given moment that you would blow on them on the first date as a starter to even more expensive presents and whatnot... i know someone who got dumped by a girl because he bought her a new civic instead of a porsche cayman :(

so advice, depending on the city where you live it might be a good idea to move... also work out alot or join the military... chicks dig army/navy/airforce guys, even when they beat em they still like em...

or like... get a high paying job and dress fancy and work out... and get plastic surgery to turn you into a clone of an actor... of course that would kill the whole being loved for who you really are thing and that would suck...
But you gotta just keep on tryin, don't give up.

Khell_Sennet:
As another birthday approaches, I'm beginning to feel like my life is incomplete. In six days I will be twenty-seven years old, twenty seven years of being single. Before now, that never bothered me much. I never actually went looking for a girlfriend, a couple times in my life there have been girls I was interested in, but said ladies were either married or already had boyfriends, and it's not my thing to steal another man's woman, no matter how I feel about her.

But as my 27th birthday grows closer, I feel it's finally time to stop passively hoping for romance, and actively seek it. But how? I've never been on a date, I don't know where to start looking, and so I'm at a loss as to where to begin.

While I also do appreciate advice from the guys, especially those who have had luck finding themselves a mate, I mainly put this question out there for the ladies of the Escapist... What should I do, where should I look, and how should I go about finding myself a suitable girlfriend?

A bit about myself, because it would probably factor into what advice is given... I'm a gamer (duh), and a bit of a geek. I can honestly admit I'm not the most attractive guy on the market, I am overweight and fully realize it's a problem, but I am a great listener and an intellectual person. I am anti-alcohol and anti-smoking/drugs, while I would be able to cope with a companion who drinks (but not an alcoholic), I cannot see it working out with a smoker or a junkie.

Being that I don't drink, I don't visit the bars or clubs... My brother is always suggesting I hook up with girls there, but I'm totally out of my element in such places. So is there some better way?

Dude, putting your faith in females to give you the answers you're looking for is a bad idea. It's the same as a girl asking a guy what he looks for in a girl. We either lie through our teeth, or give advice we believe to be correct, but subconsciously, don't follow. Truthfully, most any advice will have bits that might work for, but most of it won't. I'm sure you know as well as most, that no two people are the same, and that everyone's method of attraction is different in some facets then others.

Sadly, bars and clubs are some of the best places to pick up on girls. It's a sad fact, because many women go to bars to meet interesting guys. Many guys bar hop for the same reason. But thankfully, in your case, you're looking for something a bit more meaningful, and bars are usually better for a "one night" scenario.

For you, a park is probably one of your best bets for meeting available girls. Parks are nice, because people go there when they are not in a rush to be someplace. People might tell your malls or big shopping centers are a good place, but in my personal experience, people usually have an agenda in those areas, and it makes them less receptive.

You admit that you're overweight. That means you might have some hang-ups about your looks. Thats ok. I know that game too. I have a similar problem, albeit, I've been correcting it for quite a while now. I recommend you take the initiative and start hitting a gym, if for no other reason then to get healthier. Thankfully, despite what many guys will tell you, a lot of women aren't all that shallow. Guys are usually far more concerned with looks then women are. Don't get me wrong. The prettier guy will have his foot in the door before you do, but it's the audition that counts. And that's really what it is. An audition. Girls rarely vie for the affection of guys. It happens, but it's rare, meaning its gonna be up to you to do the brunt of the work.

Forget pick up lines. Forget anything anyone will tell you to rehearse. You know when somebody's reading something to you right? Expect her to know to. The best way to start any conversation with a girl is with a simple "hi". Read her face at the beginning. If she's receptive and seems cool with you, great. You can move on from there. If she seems a little weirded out, you've probably already lost that battle, and recovery from that point is not likely. That where you say "it was nice to meet you..." and move on.

Again, something people won't tell you: be prepared to be rejected. A lot. You're trying to sell yourself, and as any good door to door salesman will tell you, be prepared to get the door shut in your face. This is where your hang ups come into play. The hardest part of talking to women is actually manning up and going to talk to them. No one can beat your nervousness for you. That's all up to you. And it won't get any easier after getting rejected. Rejection makes you feel hopeless, but you have to put those feelings behind you and get back on. Remember, if she's not giving you the chance, then she's not the girl you're look for to begin with.

If you've successfully started talking to a girl, conversations can vary. Small talk is nice for like a minute, but move past it quickly. Do what you can to get her talking about herself, and learn a few things. Keep your geekisms completely out of your first conversation. It's nothing to be ashamed about, but thats more like second or third date material.

Don't talk for very long though. 3 minutes is a good starter. 5 is pushing it. Whatever you do, watch her face for boredom, and make sure you end the conversation before she loses interest. Say "hey, I'd like to talk to you more about this, but I have somewhere I have to be. Maybe we could finish it another time. Could I get your number?"

Again, some of this may work for you, none of it may. As an overweight geek myself, this is the method I've used over the years, and it's yielded me success. As I've said in other threads, this isn't THE method, just my method. Fear is your enemy here. If you can shed your fear of rejection, it becomes MUCH simpler.

Oh my! This is serious. Im certain that confidence counts a whole lot. Being overweight is never good.

I'll be keepin an eye on this thread. Being 17 myself, shy as hell and only had 1 girlfriend. I would go with personality first, looks are a bonus. If she can make me laugh and I can have some form of intellectual conversation with her then she's the girl for me. If she likes metal as well that would just be epic. xD

But yeah, no offence but I don't want to be 27 before I get laid.

EDIT: I also have a severe lack of confidence, probably due to several years of bullying and depression only relieved by gaming and no such girl as of the above description actually exists to my knowledge.

Kukul:

Khell_Sennet:
As another birthday approaches, I'm beginning to feel like my life is incomplete. In six days I will be twenty-seven years old, twenty seven years of being single. Before now, that never bothered me much. I never actually went looking for a girlfriend, a couple times in my life there have been girls I was interested in, but said ladies were either married or already had boyfriends, and it's not my thing to steal another man's woman, no matter how I feel about her.

But as my 27th birthday grows closer, I feel it's finally time to stop passively hoping for romance, and actively seek it. But how? I've never been on a date, I don't know where to start looking, and so I'm at a loss as to where to begin.

While I also do appreciate advice from the guys, especially those who have had luck finding themselves a mate, I mainly put this question out there for the ladies of the Escapist... What should I do, where should I look, and how should I go about finding myself a suitable girlfriend?

A bit about myself, because it would probably factor into what advice is given... I'm a gamer (duh), and a bit of a geek. I can honestly admit I'm not the most attractive guy on the market, I am overweight and fully realize it's a problem, but I am a great listener and an intellectual person. I am anti-alcohol and anti-smoking/drugs, while I would be able to cope with a companion who drinks (but not an alcoholic), I cannot see it working out with a smoker or a junkie.

Being that I don't drink, I don't visit the bars or clubs... My brother is always suggesting I hook up with girls there, but I'm totally out of my element in such places. So is there some better way?

I never picked up a girl while being sober.

That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.