Alright then, this is the thread for all kinds of maths and science related jokes, whether they're the kind that you'll only get if you've got a PHD in the subject or ones making fun of scientists or just any general jokes relating to maths or science. (Also, if this thread gets popular enough then I'll update this post with all the best ones.)

Here are mine:

Two electrons are sitting on a bench, a third electron comes over and says "Can I join you?"
The other electrons reply "Don't be ridiculous, we're not Bosons."

Q: Why did the cat fall of the roof?
A: Because his mu was too low.

Entropy isn't what it used to be...

A mathematician and a regular guy are on a long road trip and they pass a field full of cows. The regular guy, rather bored, casually remarks "Lotta cows in that field."
The mathematician glances over and says "Yeah, 83 to be precise."
"How the hell do you know that?" exclaims the regular guy.
The mathematician replies "Easy, I just counted the legs and divided by four."

A biologist, a physicist and a chemist are standing on a beach looking out onto the sea. The biologist remarks "I bet theres all sorts of unusual species of seaweed here, I must examine them to further my research." He then walks into the ocean and is swept away by the current and drowns. The physicist then says "Isn't the superposition of these waves just incredible, I must take a closer look" He then walks into the ocean and is also swept away by the current and drowns. The chemist stands there for a long time and then, taking out his notebook, he carefully made the observation "Both the biologist and the physicist are soluable in salt water".

You can time how long it takes between seeing the lightning strike and hearing the thunder. If you multiply this time by the speed of sound then you can tell how far away it struck. If you don't hear the thunder then you got hit, so never mind.

Find dy if y = (r^3)/3

And finally: Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He had to work it out with a pencil.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a full. The second orders half a beer; the third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender gives them 2 beers and tells them to shut up.

it's not the V = U + at that kills you

its the f = m.(dV/dt)

Calculus makes everything funnier >_>

you're a 1/cos (c) lady ;)

Also note most jokes from Futurama are very sciencey and clever, a special mention from Bender "it's so cold my processor is running at peak efficiency"

any organic chemists around? See if you can figure this one out:

- James -

Out of all the teachers that ever said anything wacky to me as a kid, for some reason I'll never forget my 7th grade pre-algebra instructor on signing my year book:

"It's all in the way you factor the equation." - Mr. Ford

To this day, I can't forget that on it's sheer oddity of it all.

"i wish i were your derivative so i could lie tangent to your curves."
i realize it's more of a corny pick up line than a joke, but it makes me laugh.

Yo mama's so large objects fall towards HER at 9.8 m/s squared!

Two atoms walk into a bar and one says "I think I've lost an electron". The other says "Are you sure?", "I'm Positive"

What do you get when you divide by pi?

Smaller pieces of Pie

Why was six afraid of seven? because seven eight nine.

My favorite math joke doesn't work as text, time to scour Google Images for a picture of it...

After a tedious 10 second search, I found it:

The robot butler from fallout 3 has some good ones but I can't remember them off the top of my head and also consult the following for my views on calculus

More of an engineering joke but here goes:

A chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are driving to a conference together when the car they are in breaks down. They all get out and start thinking out loud. The chemical engineer thinks there could be something wrong with oil viscosity at high temperature. The mechanical engineer thinks the problem is in the transmission. The electrical engineer thinks the alternator could be at fault. The software engineer says "Lets turn it off, wait a minute and try it again."

I love this website.

If the picture is blue, you are going too fast.

This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

Well, I'm a nerd.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

At my university in the science complex, there's a shop with like 20 different shirts in it that all have jokes like these. I'm going to have to write some down later, but they're awesome.

Is it nerdy if I understood almost every single one of these jokes and laughed at them? >.>

Ranooth:
Two atoms walk into a bar and one says "I think I've lost an electron". The other says "Are you sure?", "I'm Positive"

dang, you beat me to it

but anyway, dont know if it counts but i was pretty funny

"War is not determined by who is right, but who is left"

and yes it was from that robot in tennpenny tower

Hyper-space:

Ranooth:
Two atoms walk into a bar and one says "I think I've lost an electron". The other says "Are you sure?", "I'm Positive"

dang, you beat me to it

but anyway, dont know if it counts but i was pretty funny

"War is not determined by who is right, but who is left"

and yes it was from that robot in tennpenny tower

Well mine was from the Robot in Megaton. Who is in fact using the same joikes.

What does an accountant say you ask what 2 times 2 is?
-Whatever you want it to be

perfectimo:
This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

If you claim to be a nerd and don't understand this then leave.

What if ya get the joke and say that your not a nerd?

Another engineer joke.

An Optimist sees the glass as half full, the Pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The Engineer sees it as too much glass.

gibboss28:

perfectimo:
This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

If you claim to be a nerd and don't understand this then leave.

What if ya get the joke and say that your not a nerd?

You are in denial. It is as bad as dividing by zer...

perfectimo:
This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

If you claim to be a nerd and don't understand this then leave.

i don't get it.

and don't you try to flame me for it!

thats right.... don't

You see, 10=2 in binary.

Hyper-space:

perfectimo:
This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

If you claim to be a nerd and don't understand this then leave.

i don't get it.

and don't you try to flame me for it!

thats right.... don't

It isn't ten types of people it's one, zero types. It's binary

gigastrike:
You see, 10=2 in binary.

ahhhh.....

i still dont get it......

nah i kidd

edit: now i know more! and knowing is half the battle!

perfectimo:

gibboss28:

perfectimo:
This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

If you claim to be a nerd and don't understand this then leave.

What if ya get the joke and say that your not a nerd?

You are in denial. It is as bad as dividing by zer...

Well..to be fair I sort of have to know it seeming as how its part of my college course so that's my excuse :p

gibboss28:
Well..to be fair I sort of have to know it seeming as how its part of my college course so that's my excuse :p

Hairy muff, is your course something to do with networking?

perfectimo:

gibboss28:
Well..to be fair I sort of have to know it seeming as how its part of my college course so that's my excuse :p

Hairy muff, is your course something to do with networking?

Got it in one

Same here, the funny thing is my networking teacher call some of the class nerds but he teaches a computing class. Oh well, this isn't the place for this kind of chatter.

Here's another joke, it's a little out of date but still:
Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: The warning label.

Flangle:
Why was six afraid of seven? because seven eight nine.

Just thought I'd chuck this in