Whats the square root of sixty nine?
Eight something.

My inner nerd child is calling out.

Scientists do it on the table, periodically.

Apathy: I could take it or leave it.

Fibonacci, it's easy as 1, 1, 2, 3,

Kinetic Energy: Pass it on!

Gregor Mendel, giving peas a chance since 1856.

Graustein:

Flangle:
Why was six afraid of seven? because seven eight nine.

Just thought I'd chuck this in

There is also xckd. There's always xkcd. This is one of my favourites.

i also laghed at this when i was a child hahaha a project in school was about math jokes ahaha and this is the only one i remember hahaha

This is more of an anecdote that a teacher told me about a psychology exam but it's still pretty funny.

There was a question on a year 12 exam with several pages to right out your answer, the question was "Define empathy and apathy" and all a student wrote was "I don't know and I don't care." They got an A+.

during a class, a teacher holds up a small, transparent box. she explains to the students that the box represents their life. she has some stones next to her and put as many as she can in the box. she says 'these stones represent the important things in your life; friends family, career ect.' the students then agreed with the that the box (their life) was full with friends, family, etc. she then got some marbles and tipped some into the box and they fell between the gaps of the rocks and filled the space. she explains 'these marbles represent the lesser important things, like cars and holidays which, although they are important, are not quite as important is the stones. now, is your life full? the students say yes. she then gets some sand and adds that to the box and it will us the remaining space. 'the sand is the least important thing, its thing you don't need but are nice to have, like DVDs, ipods, mobile phones etc. all these things together are what make you life full.' just then, one of the student stands up and walks to the front carrying a can of beer. he empties the can into the box which is soaked up by the sand and gathers in the bottom of the box. the moral of the story is: no matter how full you life ism there is always room for beer!

i have one, as an A-level biology student im aware this one sucks, but here goes...

How do you determine the sex of a chromosome...pull down its genes!

First thread I ever created and it's got onto the third page over night :D

Anyways, here's some more.

Two maths proffesors are sitting in a cafe discussing. The first one says "I think most people have at least some mathematical knowledge."
The second says "No way, most people don't have a clue about this kinda stuff."
Shortly after this, the second proffessor goes to the bathroom and the first one calls over the waitress and says "Could you do me a favour, in a minute, I'll ask you a question, could you answer a third x cubed."
"A third x cubed, allright then." replies the waitress, and goes back to work.
When the second proffessor returns, the first calls over the waitress again and asks her " Hello Miss, my friend and I were having a discussion and we were wondering if you could help us with something, do you know what the integral of x squared is?"
"Yeah, it's a third x cubed" replies the waitress.
The first proffessor grins smugly at the second but then, as the waitress is leaving, she calls over her shoulder "Plus a constant."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar, the first orders a pint, the second orders two thirds of a pint, the third orders two ninths of a pint, the fourth orders 4/81 of a pint and the fith orders 2/243 of a pint.
Before the sixth can order the barman pours out two pints and says "The extra 0.052 of the pint is on me."

For a seasonal joke try here:
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/2_8.html#Christmas_2
its very long so I can't post it here but its basically mathmatical "proof" that santa cant exist followed by a rebuttal to that proof followed by a rebuttal to the rebuttal followed by another 9 rebuttals (mathmaticians *rolls eyes*).

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short,
they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.The entire
reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa,
meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater
than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)would be
pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

-I can travel through time and I do ... at the unremarkable rate of one
second per second
-Black Holes were created when God divided by zero
-Physicists do it at two places in the universe at one time

Calobi:

Hyper-space:

gigastrike:
You see, 10=2 in binary.

ahhhh.....

i still dont get it......

nah i kidd

edit: now i know more! and knowing is half the battle!

The other half is losing.

Wait, that's not right is it? Let me check...

G.I. joooooooeeeeeee

gigastrike:

If the picture is blue, you are going too fast.

Ok, that made me laugh the loudest.

Why was 6 scared? Because 789.

An infinite number of maths students enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint...
"I understand", says the bartender - and pours two pints.

Three statisticians go hunting. When they see a rabbit, the first one shoots, missing it on the left. The second one shoots and misses it on the right.
The third one shouts: "We've hit it!"

51gunner:
Remember the joke, "I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves"? One student here at Dalhousie tried that on one of the profs, hoping to rattle her. She turned sharply on her heel, staring the miscreant down and shot back:

"Yes, but that would make me your integral, and frankly I don't want to be occupying the area underneath you."

The class gave her a standing ovation.

LOL! Thats awesome....

I still don't get the dy one from the OP.

But my prof uses this on his answering machine: The number you dialed is not real. Please turn your phone 90 degrees and dial again.

olicon:
I still don't get the dy one from the OP.

Well the joke's actually from the simpsons episode "Bart the Geneus". If you differentiate both sides of the equation y = (r^3)/3, with respect to r, you get dy/dr = r^2. Rearrange to get dy = (r^2)dr = rdrr

:D

Saskwach:

crimson5pheonix:
A stats professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation.
"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!"
"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane."
"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!"
"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight."
"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?"
"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."

That guy was a bad stats professor. I bet he'd even say the odds of the second dog being male was 1/2.

That thread is dead, and let's keep it that way.

MagikMystery:

olicon:
I still don't get the dy one from the OP.

Well the joke's actually from the simpsons episode "Bart the Geneus". If you differentiate both sides of the equation y = (r^3)/3, with respect to r, you get dy/dr = r^2. Rearrange to get dy = (r^2)dr = rdrr

:D

Technically that's not entirely true;

If y = r³/3
Then dy = r².dr == r.dr.r, or "Har-Dee-Har-Har"

perfectimo:
This is more of an anecdote that a teacher told me about a psychology exam but it's still pretty funny.

There was a question on a year 12 exam with several pages to right out your answer, the question was "Define empathy and apathy" and all a student wrote was "I don't know and I don't care." They got an A+.

I got one of those! A philosophy teacher is giving his final exam. He hands each of his students a blank sheet of paper, pulls up a chair, and says "Using everything you've learned this year, prove this chair does not exist". All of the students spend the next few hours using complex philosophy to prove the chair is non-existent. Except one. That one finished his test in 30 seconds. When they got their tests back, the one student got an A+ with the answer "What chair?"

How about this one?

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender:
- how much for a beer?
The bartender replies: - for you, free of charge!

Ba dam tish!

crimson5pheonix:
That thread is dead, and let's keep it that way.

Never! I am a necrothreadomancer, and I vow that one day the dead will be posted on again. Savour your new threads while you can; soon you will be bored to death by the ineluctable horde of zombie threads.

what did the acorn say when it grew up?

"Gee im a tree!"

now say it fast

8th grade Algebra I teacher. Her name was Ms. Mattern. She used to walk around saying "Math is the only thing that Mattern's". It hurt, it still hurts to this day even to share the story with you.

"If Pi is a variable...what about Cake?"

olicon:
I still don't get the dy one from the OP.

But my prof uses this on his answering machine: The number you dialed is not real. Please turn your phone 90 degrees and dial again.

To be strictly accurate, the number would have to be (pure) imaginary for that to work, rather than simply not real.

Lukeje:
Technically that's not entirely true;

If y = r³/3
Then dy = r².dr == r.dr.r, or "Har-Dee-Har-Har"

You can't really just 'rearrange' differential equations. It's a useful aide-memoire, but has no place in mathematical proof.

Yay for differential forms!

Saskwach:

crimson5pheonix:
That thread is dead, and let's keep it that way.

Never! I am a necrothreadomancer, and I vow that one day the dead will be posted on again. Savour your new threads while you can; soon you will be bored to death by the ineluctable horde of zombie threads.

I warn you, if you resurrect threads, I will be forced to re-purpose them into something else. You're zombies will be in dresses before you know it.

Not really a joke, but more of a disturbing question my High school math teacher asked us on the first day of class...."If you have 2 babies and 1 baby is drowning, how many babies do you have left?"

crimson5pheonix:

Saskwach:

crimson5pheonix:
That thread is dead, and let's keep it that way.

Never! I am a necrothreadomancer, and I vow that one day the dead will be posted on again. Savour your new threads while you can; soon you will be bored to death by the ineluctable horde of zombie threads.

I warn you, if you resurrect threads, I will be forced to re-purpose them into something else. You're zombies will be in dresses before you know it.

You're no fun.

Saskwach:

crimson5pheonix:

Saskwach:

crimson5pheonix:
That thread is dead, and let's keep it that way.

Never! I am a necrothreadomancer, and I vow that one day the dead will be posted on again. Savour your new threads while you can; soon you will be bored to death by the ineluctable horde of zombie threads.

I warn you, if you resurrect threads, I will be forced to re-purpose them into something else. You're zombies will be in dresses before you know it.

You're no fun.

You'd be surprised how interesting a repurposed thread can get.

Your mother's so fat her escape velocity exceeds 299,792,458 metres/second.

:D

perfectimo:

PersianLlama:

perfectimo:
This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

If you claim to be a nerd and don't understand this then leave.

My AP Comp Sci teacher has the shirt. I want it >.<

John Tacos:

perfectimo:
This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

If you claim to be a nerd and don't understand this then leave.

I laughed so hard when my friend couldn't get this. Thats one more virus for his compy! Cr0wned!

Did either of you get my other joke in the post?

Edit: Nevermind, I see it was answered earlier in the topic.

Heres one my biology teacher said...

Q: How do you make a Hormone?

A: Don't pay her

An engineer, physicist, and a mathematician were playing cards in a parlor. A fire breaks out. The engineer starts to calculate how much water it takes to put out the fire. The physicist figures out the best theory on how to put out the fire. The mathematician tries to prove the fire doesn't exist.

Not really a joke but its a good math song :)
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=P9dpTTpjymE

Romantic and nerdy at the same time, who'd a thunk it? If you know what the binary actually means, I tip my hat to you, sir.

Looks like something Glados would make.