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Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 931 Joined: 17 Sep 2008     | |
Pulitzer Laureate Posts: 931 Joined: 17 Sep 2008 | Sorry for double but this needed attention.
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Muckraker  Posts: 229 Joined: 29 Sep 2008     | I really like this joke ( Am a doing a MEng in Civil Engineering at the mo) A bunch of engineers are sitting around at a party, discussing the nature of the God, and who designed women. The mechanical engineer states that God must also be a mechanical engineer because "if you look at all the pulleys and levers that drive the body, how the tendons and muscles and bones all work together, well, it's just amazing." The chemical engineer says that no, God has to be a chemical engineer because "if you look at all the chemical processes that drive the body, how the hormones and the brain and the glands and everything else all interact, well, it's just astounding." The electrical engineer says that no, God has to be an electrical engineer because "if you look at the circuitry of the body, how the thousands upon millions of nerve cells transmit signals from one part to another, well, it boggles the mind." The civil engineer speaks up last of all and says, no, God is definitely a civil engineer, because "only a civil engineer would run a sewer through a playground. " |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2599 Joined: 6 Jun 2008     | Here's another engineer joke. A priest, a radio DJ, and an Engineer were playing there monthly rounds of golf at the country club. They were behind a group of men who were taking a very long time to play. Eventually they asked the caddy who the people ahead of them were at which point the caddy explained they were firemen who had saved the country club from burning down, but had gone blind in the process. The priest said "That's so sad, I'll have to pray for them", the DJ said "I'll have to mention them on my next morning show", and the Engineer said "Why don't they play at night?" |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3816 Joined: 6 Feb 2008    | Okay, a chemist, a biologist and a physicist have all been sentenced to death by guillotine. The chemist is up first, so the executioner asks him whether he wants to die staring at the sky or the ground. The chemist states that he wants to die facing the ground, as that is where all the chemicals he uses originate. So the executioner lets loose the blade, but it jams half way down! "It's a miracle!" shouts the executioner, "God must surely want you to live!", so the chemist is let go. It's now the biologist's turn, he's asked the same question, and states that he wants to die remembering the simple earthworm, and so faces the ground. The blade is again loosed, and again jams halfway down. "Another miracle, the Lord be praised! You are free to go!" Last up is the physicist. "So" says the executioner, "which way do you want to face?" "I want to face the eternal stars" says the physicist. Just as the executioner is about to drop the blade, the physicist calls over to him. "Ah, I see what the problem is!" |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2599 Joined: 6 Jun 2008 | A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.". The Biologists conclusion: "They have reproduced". The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty again." |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1394 Joined: 31 Aug 2008    |
My AP Comp Sci teacher has the shirt. I want it >.< |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2599 Joined: 6 Jun 2008 | There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed. The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution." The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it." The programmer said "I think your both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again." |
Beat Writer  Posts: 195 Joined: 25 Nov 2008     |
I laughed so hard when my friend couldn't get this. Thats one more virus for his compy! Cr0wned! |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1764 Joined: 22 Oct 2008   |
9.81 I feel nerdy. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 3816 Joined: 6 Feb 2008 |
9.80665ms-2 |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2599 Joined: 6 Jun 2008 | There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession. The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world. The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession. The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?" |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1764 Joined: 22 Oct 2008 |
It changes. http://www.haverford.edu/educ/knight-booklet/accelarator.htm |
BANNED  Posts: 2505 Joined: 19 Aug 2008 | My favorite math joke is "1(male sign) + 1 (female sign)=3 , think about it" :P User was banned for: Poll: Round 5 - Field of Four - (1) Turbine vs (1) Nintendo. (Permanent) |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2599 Joined: 6 Jun 2008 | Teacher: What is 2k + k? Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?" Theorem. A cat has nine tails. Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2599 Joined: 6 Jun 2008 | A stats professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1126 Joined: 12 Apr 2008    | can i hug you? |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1445 Joined: 7 May 2008    | My car broke down, so I took it to a quantum mechanic. "Can you fix it?" I asked. He replied, "I'd have to see it first." ZINGGGG |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1796 Joined: 29 Dec 2007   |
The other half is losing. Wait, that's not right is it? Let me check... |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2599 Joined: 6 Jun 2008 |
Yes you can.
Did you have a Schrodinger's engine? |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2693 Joined: 6 Jun 2008 |
Photons don't have mass. Protons do. Does this make photons Protestants? No, it makes them Zoroastrians (I would say Jews but Zoroastrians came first). |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3252 Joined: 8 May 2008  | 2 bears jump in the water, one in Minnesota, the other in Alaska. Which one disolves first? The polar bear. |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 651 Joined: 6 Feb 2008     | An engineer is walking along the shore of a lake and he hears a voice cry out to him. Upon investigation, he finds a frog. He does not say anything in response but picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. He continues walking. The frog speaks again. Still no response. He keeps going, with an ever-growing smile on his face. Finally the frog has had enough. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2633 Joined: 30 Sep 2008  | God this website is awesome... |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2599 Joined: 6 Jun 2008 | Psychologists subject an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician - a topologist, by the way - to an experiment: Each of them is locked in a room for a day - hungry, with a can of food, but without an opener; all they have is pencil and paper. |
Pulitzer Laureate Posts: 931 Joined: 17 Sep 2008 |
Did either of you get my other joke in the post? |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2599 Joined: 6 Jun 2008 | Not really a joke as per say, but I still find it funny.
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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2664 Joined: 4 Nov 2007 |
That guy was a bad stats professor. I bet he'd even say the odds of the second dog being male was 1/2. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1796 Joined: 29 Dec 2007 |
You used 10 (decimal 2) again? Is that it? |
Beat Writer  Posts: 135 Joined: 30 Oct 2008     | crimson5pheonix, I dig the psychology experiment; I must remember that one. This one is in a similar vein. A farmer wants to enclose a field for his livestock to graze, but he can only afford a fixed amount of fencing. He gets three consultants together to discuss the matter: an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician. The engineer immediately sets up a square fence, figuring that he can build on this decent working solution to the problem. He turns to find the physicist laughing at him. The engineer snaps, "Do you have a better idea?" The physicist takes down the square fence and precisely sets a circular fence in place, all the while carefully explaining how a circle encloses the maximum area for a given perimeter. The pair notice that the mathematician is struggling to hold in his laughter over the situation. The physicist challenges the mathematician to arrive at a stronger solution. The others are confused when the mathematician sets up an impossibly short fence around himself. He then confidently declares, "I define myself to be outside the fence." |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 500 Joined: 12 Jun 2008 | Remember the joke, "I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves"? One student here at Dalhousie tried that on one of the profs, hoping to rattle her. She turned sharply on her heel, staring the miscreant down and shot back: "Yes, but that would make me your integral, and frankly I don't want to be occupying the area underneath you." The class gave her a standing ovation. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 172 Joined: 30 Aug 2008  |
shirt on thinkgeek, nice |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3587 Joined: 6 Aug 2008   | *applause* I love this place. |
Pulitzer Laureate Posts: 931 Joined: 17 Sep 2008 |
Yeah, just wasn't sure because I put it before the joke. Now to add to this thread and not just reply. A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge." There was an old lady called Wright |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2538 Joined: 29 Mar 2008  | there are several instances of events that move at light speed, lightning, electricity, the space between how long it takes for a light to turn green and for somebody behind you to honk |
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Here is another I just found, I think it's brilliant.
A man and wife were both in an Internet business, but it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed computers. His wife finally realized how bad it gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and he said "No, not there. Scroll down a little."