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Red Guard  Posts: 3511 Joined: 18 Sep 2008     | |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1830 Joined: 20 Mar 2008     | I'm not really the kind for one-liners, I'm afraid. If I ever get in a fight I just knock the guy out as quickly as possible without a word in edgewise. That, and I've generally found one-liners to be very bad. In my opinion, anyway. |
Press Junketeer Posts: 391 Joined: 6 Nov 2008  | whenever anyone says something stupid or just theres something wrong with it, i say "yeah that makes a lot of sense". i also like to tell people their thick, which is wierd to most people because i live in america and most people dont say "thick" for stupid. i also created the word "thicky" as a noun of the word. as in "hey thicky!" and really stupid people are "thick as a brick" which i also made up. and i start a lot of sentences with "actually..." and "you know what..." which might not count as a one liner but still... i also end a lot of sentences with "but still...". i also like to call people "captain obvious" whenever they say something obvious, and if they do this a lot they get promotions like "major general obvious" or something. if it takes them a long time to realize something obvious then when they finally figure it out i say "we have a winner" and whenever people obviously think that i talk too much i tell them "i have a rambling problem". |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 541 Joined: 8 Aug 2008     | "Excuse me but you wouldn't happen to be a child of incest would you?" |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1061 Joined: 23 Dec 2008  | Usually I just say "Aw Crap" though that's more of a catchphrase really. There was a time a had a staring competition with a duck. He lost and quickly run away and I said" I didn't mean to ruffle his feathers" |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 431 Joined: 10 Dec 2008 | When I DM any sort of table-top RPG, I'll threaten my players by telling them I'll drop a castle on their heads "brick, by brick, by brick..." when they misbehave. |
Red Guard Posts: 3511 Joined: 18 Sep 2008 | I got one more! Whenever someone does or says something really stupid, I'll usually add "And that is why you don't drink when you're pregnant." Usually gets a few laughs. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1370 Joined: 5 Jul 2008     | "More screwed than drunk blond at a donkey show" |
BANNED  Posts: 2513 Joined: 3 Dec 2008   |
You're brother sounds like an action movie. I play a lot of pool. Off the break I got 3 solids in and quickly said: "Looks like there's a solid advantage". User was banned for: The artist in thee. (Permanent) |
Muckraker  Posts: 316 Joined: 22 Sep 2008    | "In Soviet Russia _ _ you!" It's not so much a one liner as a flinch reflex. |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 931 Joined: 17 Sep 2008     | 'Light me Johnny' with cigarette in mouth and someone else with lighter. 'Dunno ya know' when someone asks me something that I am unsure of the answer. It's said quick like 'Dunno yaknow'. 'Da da da da-ding William' personal joke, when something disgusting is seen or said. |
Red Guard Posts: 3511 Joined: 18 Sep 2008 |
Nice. See, now that is a slick one-liner. Just imagine saying that while wearing a tux, raising one eyebrow, holding a dame in one arm, and looking at a dead guy who just got hit (And killed) by a solid pool ball. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2236 Joined: 16 Aug 2008    | my friends and i were talking and i randomly said |
BANNED Posts: 2513 Joined: 3 Dec 2008 | This thread is really making me want to watch Hot Fuzz. User was banned for: The artist in thee. (Permanent) |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1786 Joined: 13 Sep 2008    | "Stand back, citizen." and "Pick up that can." are some of my favorites. Not to mention "Please strip so we may search every orifice for illegal narcotics, alcohol, guns, money, diamonds and other things." |
Red Guard Posts: 3511 Joined: 18 Sep 2008 |
"Ever fire a gun whilst jumping through the air?" |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1557 Joined: 31 Dec 2007   | One time I was fingting terrorists, and I noticed an oil leak coming from the plane they were escaping in. Using my knowledge that oil was flammable, I opened my lightere and said "Yipeekiyay mother fucker!" And threw the lighter down, and then the plane blew up. Wait, was that me? Don't think it was. Damn. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3435 Joined: 28 Jun 2008  | "And you, sir/ma'am, are why we are still chasing cheese down hills." There's loads, but I forget them. They are normally the product of unrelenting condescension. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 173 Joined: 29 May 2008   | well if i were to duck under a punch and kick the guy in the jaw i could say, YOU FAIL!! |
Beat Writer  Posts: 126 Joined: 23 Dec 2008  |
"Playtime's Over" |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 428 Joined: 23 Oct 2008  | A Running Joke between me and my friends is the classic "That's what SHE said" line. Immature and cheesy I know, but it never gets old. :P |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1157 Joined: 22 Dec 2008 | "No, you're a toaster!" I just say that in an argument and their head borderline explodes. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 216 Joined: 16 Sep 2008   | "I can't do perfect but I can instruct perfect" useful whenever your friends are yelling at you for being a critic and ask you to do better. |
Paperboy  Posts: 46 Joined: 24 Jul 2008  | "IT's not rasism! It's self-irony!" - Me ;) |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1636 Joined: 21 Nov 2008 | "im bored" well maybe thats not personal |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 96 Joined: 27 Mar 2008    |
Classic! I kept saying that after my boss got me turned on to The Office. My wife hated it, rolled her eyes every time i said it... it's to the point now that SHE says it even before i get to it.. it's great! i've got some good one-liners... although, as it turns out, i can never remember then at times like these... when some arise, i'll remember them and post them later. |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 562 Joined: 22 Aug 2008  | Better call an ambulance, I'm about to impale you. Miss, you dropped this! My phone number. I'm a level 19 Paladin with the sword of penetration, want to see my rig? |
Beat Writer  Posts: 192 Joined: 26 Jul 2008 | "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of ass...wait." Usually when playing a game online I spout that one out, usually makes the other person just underestimate you as an idiot straight off the bat, so when you actually start using sound tactics and playing really smart, well, they don't expect it. Usually nets a win in the end. |
Muckraker  Posts: 280 Joined: 7 Feb 2008 |
Have you ever heard the perversion of that? "I'm here to chew ass and kick bubblegum, and I'm all out of gum..." |
BANNED  Posts: 1201 Joined: 18 Sep 2008   | 'It's A pear!' It is said with a squealy tone and only when i see anything that somehow reminds me of a pear... so anything at all really. User was banned for: WOW: a wtf moment. (Permanent) |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2167 Joined: 11 Nov 2008  | (Shouts at person Demanding to do what i'm telling them in a rude manner) then say "listen im Asking you nicely" |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1290 Joined: 4 May 2008  | "Bastarding (insert another swear word here; seriously, anything. Tits, fuck, twat, shite etc)" "Running all the way" (means "Sure I'm on it") |
Time Lord  Posts: 10079 Joined: 13 Feb 2008 | "I've got a great Knock Knock joke! You start." |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1602 Joined: 13 Oct 2008  | It's not of my creation, but when I'm playing someone in CoD 4 and I kill them with an explosive of some sort, I say, "...and boom goes the dynamite!" For those of you who are unaware of the "boom goes the dynamite," guy, I suggest you watch this clip. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 460 Joined: 4 Jun 2008 | After throwing a knife at a guys stomach: "STICK AROUND" Schwarzenegger and Connery... the fodder from which one liners are made. |
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Ok, so I just pulled some left-over lasagna from the microwave and said 'Hello Lasagna, nice to EAT you!' and then took a bite.
While walking back to my computer I thought 'That was quasi-clever!', And thus the birth of this topic! Have you ever come up with your OWN personal one-liner that was really awesome?
My brother works as a paramedic and has to deal with drunk people all the time. One time, this drunk guy was getting REALLY rowdy in the back of the ambulance, so my brother told him to settle down. Well the guy took a swing at him, so my brother ducked the punch, grabbed the guy's head, smoked it off an oxygen tank, and seriously added 'Take a breather'. Awesome.
So how about you? Any good one-liners?