Dearest Escapist Forum,

I want to write a book but it's hard. Will you write it for me?

Love and Kisses,
thatstheguy

thank you Onyxblackwolf, for making me realize that I need to see a doctor to make sure my brain isn't dying out.

There's no way in hell I'm giving you my ideas! They're gold, Jerry! Pure gold! *shoots gun into the air*

So ummm....
You want us to give you all our ideas?

Just find Zombie Survival threads and combine a bunch of the crazy ideas.

We would be able to help better unless you at least give us a preferred genre for your book.

darkless:
We would be able to help better unless you at least give us a preferred genre for your book.

What he said.

Tattaglia:
There's no way in hell I'm giving you my ideas! They're gold, Jerry! Pure gold! *shoots gun into the air*

yep, I'm even stealing this poor person's opinion, what's to stop you doing the same with my brilliant ideas?

...Dud ideas I have plenty you can have though....have you considered a tale about Tommy the time travelling talking toaster?

A treatise on Sea Kittens.

thatstheguy:
Dearest Escapist Forum,

I want to write a book but it's hard. Will you write it for me?

Love and Kisses,
thatstheguy

Write a children's book but in the style of a Grisham novel. No wait, don't do that, that could actually be really entertaining.

Do the toaster story.

Amnesiac with a bodyguard who turns out to be a target for a satanic cult. Maybe make him some form of prophet/priest.

Cage fighter/drug addict tries to escape from that life and ends up ruining anything that wasn't fucked up with his life before. Maybe include family murder/stronger addiction.

Soldier in the trenches going insane, heads into the woods and gets involved with local guerrillas who are pissed at both the factions fighting in their land and seek to rid their country of any foreign control.

EDIT: Got more ideas but can't be bothered elaborating.

Wait... you have an idea for a book, but have no plot? That makes no sense. And if you can't use your own ideas, then it's not your book.

Been working on mine for 2 months.

An atomic bomb falls from the sky and a fly lands on it and reflects on his life. BOOM plot. Don't like it? Then go think of your own.

Onyxblackwolf:

thatstheguy:
Dearest Escapist Forum,

I want to write a book but it's hard. Will you write it for me?

Love and Kisses,
thatstheguy

Write a children's book but in the style of a Grisham novel. No wait, don't do that, that could actually be really entertaining.

Do the toaster story.

We have the same avatar! :O.

OT: What about a novel about the plights of sea kittens? PETA would enjoy that.

I also third the toaster story.

Fourth the toaster story. Looks like you're set.

At the start, the main caracter is a passenger on a plane that goes down in the Atlantic Ocean in 1960, after ordered society in Rapture has collapsed.After surfacing, he finds himself the only survivor of the crash, and swims to a nearby towering lighthouse sitting in the middle of the water, where he finds a bathysphere which he uses to descend into the ocean and enter the failed "paradise" of Rapture. Atlas assists him via the service radio found in the bathysphere in making his way to safety, while Ryan, believing him to be a government agent (though he's not sure which government), uses Rapture's automated systems and his pheromone-controlled Splicers against him. Atlas tells the caracter that the only way he can survive is to use the abilities granted by plasmids, and that he must kill the Little Sisters to extract their ADAM. Overhearing Atlas' words, Dr. Tennenbaum intercepts him, and urges him to save the Little Sisters instead. She gives him a special plasmid that will kill only the embedded slugs while leaving the girls alive and restoring their humanity, albeit with a much smaller reward of ADAM for him. Tennenbaum promises to repay him if he does as she asks. As him works his way through the city, he learns about Rapture's fate and history through audio logs, genetically-induced ghostly playbacks of past events, and radio messages. Atlas says his wife and child have been hiding on a submarine, and just as Jack and Atlas reach the bay where it is located, Ryan has it destroyed; an enraged Atlas tells Jack that Ryan must die.

Jack makes his way to Ryan, who offers no resistance to Jack's efforts, but instead reveals why Jack has come to Rapture: Jack was actually born in Rapture a mere two years ago, genetically modified to mature rapidly. He is Ryan's illegitimate son by an affair with Jasmine Jolene, an entertainer. Ryan further reveals that, after purchasing Jack's embryo, Frank Fontaine designed him to obey orders that are preceded or followed by the specific phrase "Would you kindly." Jack was then sent to the surface when the war started to put him beyond Ryan's reach. When the conflict between Fontaine and Ryan reached a stalemate, Jack was sent instructions to board a flight with a package. At a designated time he opened the package to discover a revolver like the one found in the game, and instructions to hijack and crash the plane next to the lighthouse, enabling him to return to Rapture as the cat's-paw of Atlas. Ryan calmly demonstrates Jack's lack of free will by forcing him to follow his commands using the trigger phrase, "Would you kindly..." which the player then realizes Atlas has been using since his arrival. Ryan then orders Jack to kill him, so as to die on his own terms. Atlas, in complete control of the city as a result of Ryan's death, reveals himself to be Frank Fontaine, having faked his own death and adopted the alias and persona of Atlas to throw Ryan off his trail. With Ryan dead, Fontaine no longer needs Jack, and leaves him at the mercy of the reactivated security systems. Nevertheless, Dr. Tennenbaum and her Little Sisters help Jack escape through the vent system, where he falls and loses consciousness.

When Jack awakes, Dr. Tennenbaum has already deactivated some of his conditioned responses and assists him in breaking the remaining ones, among them one that would have eventually stopped his heart. During their subsequent pursuit of Fontaine, the doctor predicts that the only way to get through the last few obstacles would be to assemble a Big Daddy diving suit and follow the rescued Little Sisters through the passageways that only they can open. By the time Jack reaches him, Fontaine has injected himself with vast amounts of ADAM, becoming an inhuman monster. Jack and Fontaine battle, and Jack eventually prevails, allowing the Little Sisters to subdue Fontaine, by swarming over Fontaine and stabbing him with their needles, killing him by draining all the ADAM out of his system. Here the game ends.

Jack rescued all the Little Sisters (therefore saving their lives), the ending shows the rescued Little Sisters returning to the surface with Jack and living full lives under his care, including their graduating from college, getting married, and having children; it ends on a heart-warming tone, with an elderly Jack surrounded on his deathbed by all of the adult Little Sisters.

The war was lost, they were sure of that. Even now, as they looked over the smoking ruin of what used to be Washington DC, dread filled their hearts at the thought of impending doom. The Rakthus would be here soon, and it was only a matter of time until night fell. But with nowhere to run to, where would they go?

"Sergeant," one of the men piped up, "What're our orders?"

"Stay on alert, and follow me. We'll leave when we find somewhere to go."

"But sir, we don't have anywhere to-"

"I know, private. Stay calm. We can live through this."

"Y-yessir."

Suddenly, a beam of green light shined across the sky, settling at last on the ragtag team of survivors.

"Dammit, incoming!"

Three demented figures emerged from the beam-crimson-scaled serpentine bodies with four legs and four arms. Each of them held guns of unidentifiable make.

"Fire at will! Fire at will!"

The men opened fire on the creatures, but to no avail. The beasts responded by firing their lasers at the men, killing all but the sergeant.

And then, just as the sergeant was lying wounded, with the foul aliens prepared to strike the final blow, three gunshots rang through the night, piercing each beast in the chest and killing them instantly.

As the sergeant stumbled onto his feet, he found his saviour: Only eight inches high, a small metallic toaster sat on the ground, piercingly angry eyes and grizzled stubble drawn onto its surface with a marker. One of its grips held a revolver.

"Wh-what are you?" The sergeant asked.

"I'm Tommy," the toaster replied. "Who the fuck are you?"
---
Oh god, this would make a wonderful spoof story. Must remember to write this down.

Zeke109:
At the start, Tommy the Time Traveling Toaster is a passenger on a time-plane that goes down in the Atlantic Ocean in 1960. After surfacing, he finds himself the only survivor of the crash, and swims to a nearby towering lighthouse sitting in the middle of the water, where he finds a bathysphere which he uses to descend into the ocean and enter the failed "paradise" of Kitchen City. Barry the Blender assists him via the service radio found in the bathysphere in making his way to safety, while Ryan the Refrigerator, believing him to be a government agent (though he's not sure which government), uses Kitchen City's automated systems and his pheromone-controlled Hard Boiled Eggs against him. Barry tells the Tommy that the only way he can survive is to use the abilities granted by different toastable materials - like waffles, and that he must kill slices of white bread to extract their baked goodness. Overhearing the Barry's words, Dr. Bean Pole intercepts him, and urges him to save the White Bread. She gives him a special waffle that will only warm the white bread leaving it alive and restoring their humanity, albeit with a much smaller reward of baked goodness for him. Dr. Bean Pole promises to repay him if he does as she asks. As Tommy works his way through the city, he learns about Kitchen City's fate and history through audio logs, genetically-induced ghostly playbacks of past events, and radio messages. Barry says his wife and child have been hiding on a submarine, and just as Tommy and Barry reach the bay where it is located, Ryan has it destroyed; an enraged Barry tells Tommy that Ryan must die.

Tommy makes his way to Ryan, who offers no resistance to Tommy's efforts, but instead reveals why Tommy has come to Kitchen City: Tommy was actually created in Kitchen City a mere two years ago, modified to mature rapidly. He is Ryan's illegitimate son by an affair with an Olivia the Oven, an entertainer. Ryan further reveals that, after purchasing Tommy's embryo, Mike the Microwave designed him to obey orders that are preceded or followed by the specific phrase "Would you kindly." Tommy was then sent to the surface when the war started to put him beyond Ryan's reach. When the conflict between Mike and Ryan reached a stalemate, Tommy was sent instructions to board a flight with a package. At a designated time he opened the package to discover a revolver, and instructions to hijack and crash the plane next to the lighthouse, enabling him to return to Kitchen City as the cat's-paw of Barry. Ryan calmly demonstrates Tommy's lack of free will by forcing him to follow his commands using the trigger phrase, "Would you kindly..." which the player then realizes Barry has been using since his arrival. Ryan then orders Tommy to kill him, so as to die on his own terms. Barry, in complete control of the city as a result of Ryan's death, reveals himself to be Mike the Microwave, having faked his own death and adopted the alias and persona of Barry to throw Ryan off his trail. With Ryan dead, Mike no longer needs Tommy, and leaves him at the mercy of the reactivated security systems. Nevertheless, Dr. Bean Pole and her slices of white bread help Tommy escape through the vent system, where he falls and loses consciousness.

When Tommy awakes, Dr. Bean Pole has already deactivated some of his conditioned responses and assists him in breaking the remaining ones, among them one that would have eventually stopped his heart. During their subsequent pursuit of Mike, the doctor predicts that the only way to get through the last few obstacles would be to assemble a Washing Machine suit and follow the rescued slices of white bread through the passageways that only they can open. By the time Tommy reaches him, Mike has injected himself with vast amounts of baked goodness, becoming an inhuman monster. Tommy and Mike battle, and Tommy eventually prevails, allowing the slices of white bread to subdue Mike, by swarming over Mike and stabbing him with their crusts, killing him.

Tommy rescued all the slices of white bread (therefore saving their lives), the ending shows the rescued slices of white bread returning to the surface with Tommy and living full lives under his care as they wander throughout time. Cue for more stories in the eventually multi book series of Tommy the Time Traveling Toaster.

FIXED.

thatstheguy:
I've been planing on writing a book for quite some time now and I'm actually considering getting the project off the ground. There is just one problem, I can't think of a plot. Considering how that's the most important part of a story, I was wondering what original ideas do you guys have?

Don't ever rely on others for your own creativity. I myself am an avid writer, and my ideas are completely original so as to prevent it from being something that somebody wants for it to be. Your best ideas will come from walking home from school every day, thinking first of a personality, then a person for that personality to inhabit. Then you want to create a world with the characters who will have the sort of reactions to your character that want. Once you have the setting is when you create the plot.

You sir, are full of win.

Edit: OP, take some tips from this man.

An erotic novel for dogs

Wait... How can you be working on a book if you don't even know what the plot is? And if you ask others for ideas, its probably bound to fail. Ideas need to come from ones self if its too be good.

Michael_McCloud:

"I'm Tommy," the toaster replied. "Who the fuck are you?"

This! This should be the first book.
Call it: Toast of War

Followed by Toastershock.

Now all we need is a third one to ride out the trilogy.

A book about romance between a zombie and human girl...Make sure that you become a Mormon and make the book suck.

Armatoastin

Onyxblackwolf:
[quote="Michael_McCloud" post="18.82700.1135557"]

"I'm Tommy," the toaster replied. "Who the fuck are you?"

This! This should be the first book.
Call it: Toast of War

Followed by Toastershock.

Now all we need is a third one to ride out the trilogy.[quote)

Armatoastin

Onyxblackwolf:

Zeke109:
At the start, Tommy the Time Traveling Toaster is a passenger on a time-plane that goes down in the Atlantic Ocean in 1960. After surfacing, he finds himself the only survivor of the crash, and swims to a nearby towering lighthouse sitting in the middle of the water, where he finds a bathysphere which he uses to descend into the ocean and enter the failed "paradise" of Kitchen City. Barry the Blender assists him via the service radio found in the bathysphere in making his way to safety, while Ryan the Refrigerator, believing him to be a government agent (though he's not sure which government), uses Kitchen City's automated systems and his pheromone-controlled Hard Boiled Eggs against him. Barry tells the Tommy that the only way he can survive is to use the abilities granted by different toastable materials - like waffles, and that he must kill slices of white bread to extract their baked goodness. Overhearing the Barry's words, Dr. Bean Pole intercepts him, and urges him to save the White Bread. She gives him a special waffle that will only warm the white bread leaving it alive and restoring their humanity, albeit with a much smaller reward of baked goodness for him. Dr. Bean Pole promises to repay him if he does as she asks. As Tommy works his way through the city, he learns about Kitchen City's fate and history through audio logs, genetically-induced ghostly playbacks of past events, and radio messages. Barry says his wife and child have been hiding on a submarine, and just as Tommy and Barry reach the bay where it is located, Ryan has it destroyed; an enraged Barry tells Tommy that Ryan must die.

Tommy makes his way to Ryan, who offers no resistance to Tommy's efforts, but instead reveals why Tommy has come to Kitchen City: Tommy was actually created in Kitchen City a mere two years ago, modified to mature rapidly. He is Ryan's illegitimate son by an affair with an Olivia the Oven, an entertainer. Ryan further reveals that, after purchasing Tommy's embryo, Mike the Microwave designed him to obey orders that are preceded or followed by the specific phrase "Would you kindly." Tommy was then sent to the surface when the war started to put him beyond Ryan's reach. When the conflict between Mike and Ryan reached a stalemate, Tommy was sent instructions to board a flight with a package. At a designated time he opened the package to discover a revolver, and instructions to hijack and crash the plane next to the lighthouse, enabling him to return to Kitchen City as the cat's-paw of Barry. Ryan calmly demonstrates Tommy's lack of free will by forcing him to follow his commands using the trigger phrase, "Would you kindly..." which the player then realizes Barry has been using since his arrival. Ryan then orders Tommy to kill him, so as to die on his own terms. Barry, in complete control of the city as a result of Ryan's death, reveals himself to be Mike the Microwave, having faked his own death and adopted the alias and persona of Barry to throw Ryan off his trail. With Ryan dead, Mike no longer needs Tommy, and leaves him at the mercy of the reactivated security systems. Nevertheless, Dr. Bean Pole and her slices of white bread help Tommy escape through the vent system, where he falls and loses consciousness.

When Tommy awakes, Dr. Bean Pole has already deactivated some of his conditioned responses and assists him in breaking the remaining ones, among them one that would have eventually stopped his heart. During their subsequent pursuit of Mike, the doctor predicts that the only way to get through the last few obstacles would be to assemble a Washing Machine suit and follow the rescued slices of white bread through the passageways that only they can open. By the time Tommy reaches him, Mike has injected himself with vast amounts of baked goodness, becoming an inhuman monster. Tommy and Mike battle, and Tommy eventually prevails, allowing the slices of white bread to subdue Mike, by swarming over Fontaine and stabbing him with their crusts, killing him.

Tommy rescued all the slices of white bread (therefore saving their lives), the ending shows the rescued slices of white bread returning to the surface with Tommy and living full lives under his care as they wander throughout time. Cue for more stories in the eventually multi book series of Tommy the Time Traveling Toaster.

FIXED.

That is epic! i would love to see this as a movie or some kind of game called biotoaster or toastershock

Onyxblackwolf:

Michael_McCloud:

"I'm Tommy," the toaster replied. "Who the fuck are you?"

This! This should be the first book.
Call it: Toast of War

Followed by Toastershock.

Now all we need is a third one to ride out the trilogy.

Oh, that's easy. Call of Toasty or Army of Toast. Toaster's Edge would be cool as well.

No, wait. I've got it.

A Toaster's Creed.

This almost needs to become it's own new topic where we set up a pole for people to vote for the last book name.

Also:
Tommy the Time Traveling Talking Toaster and the Prisoner of the Storage Shed

or a romantic book with Tommy falling in love with a vampire. call it: Toasterlight.

pick a film, change it slightly, then publish it as yours.

Jesus Christ comes back to life and tries to save the world from sin while simultaneously working as a night-time Chippendales dancer.

Michael_McCloud:

Onyxblackwolf:

Michael_McCloud:

"I'm Tommy," the toaster replied. "Who the fuck are you?"

This! This should be the first book.
Call it: Toast of War

Followed by Toastershock.

Now all we need is a third one to ride out the trilogy.

Oh, that's easy. Call of Toasty or Army of Toast. Toaster's Edge would be cool as well.

No, wait. I've got it.

A Toaster's Creed.

And then we can make Prince of Toaster: Bread of Time.

Ace of Spades:

And then we can make Prince of Toaster: Bread of Time.

This!

Toast of War

Toastershock

and then Prince of Toaster: Bread of Time

Alright OP,you have three books right there. If I don't hear that you're writing these, then I'm going to be extremely disappointed. We put work into this!

Onyxblackwolf:

Write a children's book but in the style of a Grisham novel. No wait, don't do that, that could actually be really entertaining.

I know you're joking, but that would sell, and I think you should consider it. I work for Universal, and I want you to get a draft sorted and we'll talk film rights.

fedpayne:

I know you're joking, but that would sell, and I think you should consider it. I work for Universal, and I want you to get a draft sorted and we'll talk film rights.

This sounds very reasonable. I agree to your terms and conditions amicably and so The Runaway Panda Jury is being written.