Where's a good place to meet women after college?

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I graduated and I'm not the most social person in the world so I have no idea where to look. There aren't any women my age where OI work and I don't drink so I haven't checked out the bar scene. I've never been to a club and I don't know if there are any within 30 miles of where I live.

I have a gym membership but I haven't had much luck meeting women there. I even tried okcupid but I've been blown off by 2 or 3 different women (meaning they said they want to meet up with me then just stopped responding to me for whatever reason). Also I usually start a conversation with someone by asking about movies they like, and since they already list that I'm not sure what to say a lot of the time (my small talk isn't good).

So other than a different dating site (or maybe a bar) I'm out of ideas.

Where do you guys go, and where do you ladies hang out?

Women are everywhere. Literally, EVERYWHERE. They're in the coffee shop you frequent, on the bus you ride, at the grocery store where you shop. They walk on the same streets as you, some of them might even be your neighbors. Seriously, there aren't specific places you need to go to meet women, you just need to have the guts to talk to them wherever you see them.

Dirty Hipsters:
Women are everywhere. Literally, EVERYWHERE. They're in the coffee shop you frequent, on the bus you ride, at the grocery store where you shop. They walk on the same streets as you, some of them might even be your neighbors. Seriously, there aren't specific places you need to go to meet women, you just need to have the guts to talk to them wherever you see them.

I drive, I don't frequent any coffee shops (I have basically no desire to try coffee). Yeah I know they're everywhere but I'm looking for a place to socialize with them rather than just hope I bump into one my age and hope she's single, and interesting.

Why are bars and dating sites a bad idea? They work, you know?

Johnny Novgorod:
Why are bars and dating sites a bad idea? They work, you know?

I tried okcupid with very little luck, and I don't drink.

Dirty Hipsters:
Women are everywhere. Literally, EVERYWHERE. They're in the coffee shop you frequent, on the bus you ride, at the grocery store where you shop. They walk on the same streets as you, some of them might even be your neighbors. Seriously, there aren't specific places you need to go to meet women, you just need to have the guts to talk to them wherever you see them.

Yeah, you know those movies where there's aliens everywhere but only one person can see them?

It's like that except they aren't aliens and almost everyone can see them.

thaluikhain:

Dirty Hipsters:
Women are everywhere. Literally, EVERYWHERE. They're in the coffee shop you frequent, on the bus you ride, at the grocery store where you shop. They walk on the same streets as you, some of them might even be your neighbors. Seriously, there aren't specific places you need to go to meet women, you just need to have the guts to talk to them wherever you see them.

Yeah, you know those movies where there's aliens everywhere but only one person can see them?

You don't mean...

MuffinMan74:

Johnny Novgorod:
Why are bars and dating sites a bad idea? They work, you know?

I tried okcupid with very little luck, and I don't drink.

OkCupid can work, in the long run, if you're patient. I met my girlfriend over there. It's the only dating site I would recommend. Though maybe I got mathematically lucky because I was signed up in all those OTHER sites.

Find a social way to do things you like to do and try to meet women that you already have something in common with.

Try meetup.com and see if they have any events in your area worth hitting up. At the very least, it's a good way to get some social time in your life in my experience.

MuffinMan74:

Johnny Novgorod:
Why are bars and dating sites a bad idea? They work, you know?

I tried okcupid with very little luck, and I don't drink.

From what you've described, I think you should persevere with online dating for now.
It's going to take time, it's not like you instantly find your soulmate upon making a profile.

It' also pretty easy to go to a bar and not drink alcohol, maybe try to talk to both men and women, you never know, they might have friends you could meet down the line.

Also, with the gym, do they have classes? Try those. They're generally smaller and it's easier to spark up conversation.

I don't know, you seem to be making it very difficult for yourself.

you only tried 2/3 gilrs online, you shouldnt give up that easily. other than that no idea.

As for not going to bars, coffe shops, clubs i can perfectly understand, youd have to drag me there to get me there as well.

Colour Scientist:

It' also pretty easy to go to a bar and not drink alcohol, maybe try to talk to both men and women, you never know, they might have friends you could meet down the line.

sulking in a corner of a bar with a pepsi is not an effective strategy.

I would only reccomend online! I was single for 2 years because I was failing to meet anyone elsewhere, and due to my busy career life was kinda struggling. I then got on Match.com (I'm in the UK) and I am now meeting loads of interesting people, who like me, don't like clubbing and have similar interests. And they are of proffessions that are busy like mine too, which reduces the chance that I would meet them naturally, but ultimately feeds our capatability... Military Officers pair naturally nicely with medical professions and teachers, and that is what a lot of these girls have been!

Strazdas:

sulking in a corner of a bar with a pepsi is not an effective strategy.

I hear dancing and socialising in the centre of a bar with a Pepsi does wonders, though.

OT:

Have any hobbies that take you out of the house? If not, consider one. Whether a cooking class or judo, chances are you'll meet a lot of new people, at least a few of them will be your friend, and if those people aren't female they may invite you out to places where you can meet some.

In fact, any situation where you leave the house and are in a small enough group to talk to the same individual women for at least a short while is fine. A lot of people find partners at work, some end up chatting to the attractive lady who works in Lidls on a Wednesday when they come back from work. So long as you can keep bumping into them, it's a potential place where you could meet a partner.

The gym, perhaps, isn't the best place - because a lot of people feel conscious enough of moaning and sweating in front of mirrors and often physically-superior strangers without someone goggling them.

Got friends?

Generally you socialize with your friends... It's not particularly hard. In general you should slowly try to widen your social networking with them until you have a far enough reach around your age group and you'll just meet someone.

If you are a complete introvert then you really have to use dating sites as they will shortcut the difficulty of finding other introverts to date. If you meet someone in a social situation the likelyhood will be that they enjoy those situations and want to continue them in a couple type setting.

Generally friends are good because they will likely be able to scope someone out before recommending them. If you haven't had a friend try to set you up by now it's likely that you either have an unreasonably high expectation of woman you'll meet or you yourself are so distant that they don't even know you care.

(edited because of my derp.) however you still make it sound a bit like women are a different and sought after species...

Your problem is you see women as potential girlfriends and not friends. Look to make friends first, then go from there.

Before anyone screams friendzone, I was friends with all my boyfriends before. You can't just walk up to a woman and say, "fair maiden! You and I are to be locked in holy matrimony!"
You've got to work on it.

I don't want to sound rude but I think your desperation is putting women off.
Being single isn't the worst thing and having a relationship shouldn't define you.
I understand not wanting to be lonely, but just relax.

Try more places than online, if there's an hobby classes, try them. There's plenty of things you can do, although online is very good.

Just relax. You're only young and when you stop trying so hard, it'll be easier to find someone.

a hobby, like a choir or something like that. Before you say I don't sing, nobody is expecting you to sing a riviting solo. I must admit I'm not doing things like that myself. But someone talked to me about it and he was right, if you want to meet women go do stuff women tend to flock towards.

AngloDoom:

Strazdas:

sulking in a corner of a bar with a pepsi is not an effective strategy.

I hear dancing and socialising in the centre of a bar with a Pepsi does wonders, though.

I never dance. An socializing in a bar sounds more like fiction from a movie than something that i would ever pull off. And yeah, i tried pepsi in a bar once, they never invited me again.

EeveeElectro:
'I'm not sure I even live within 30 feet of one...'

Stop making women sound like rats?

Unless i got a severe case of dumb, he said he does not live within 30 miles of a nightclub, not women.

Before anyone screams friendzone, I was friends with all my boyfriends before. You can't just walk up to a woman and say, "fair maiden! You and I are to be locked in holy matrimony!"

While the quote is obviuosly made for fun, there are people who have abosolutely no idea what to say. "hi" [awkward silence] doesnt work. tried it already.

Strazdas:

AngloDoom:

Strazdas:

sulking in a corner of a bar with a pepsi is not an effective strategy.

I hear dancing and socialising in the centre of a bar with a Pepsi does wonders, though.

I never dance. An socializing in a bar sounds more like fiction from a movie than something that i would ever pull off. And yeah, i tried pepsi in a bar once, they never invited me again.

EeveeElectro:
'I'm not sure I even live within 30 feet of one...'

Stop making women sound like rats?

Unless i got a severe case of dumb, he said he does not live within 30 miles of a nightclub, not women.

Before anyone screams friendzone, I was friends with all my boyfriends before. You can't just walk up to a woman and say, "fair maiden! You and I are to be locked in holy matrimony!"

While the quote is obviuosly made for fun, there are people who have abosolutely no idea what to say. "hi" [awkward silence] doesnt work. tried it already.

It's a shame you never dance because tbh the only chat up line that has ever had any success for me has been "Hi. Would you like to dance?"

"Would you like to dance?" is way more effective than an awkward silence.

Think beyond a Gym or a Bar to meet a woman. Seriously, why not try a supermarket - do you even know how easy it is to strike up a conversation in a supermarket - hell every item in a supermarket is a potential conversation starter.

It's easy to portray an infinitely datable man just with a a few choice items in a shopping basket. Pretend you want to bake a cake for your mom but have no idea where to start, pretend you are babysitting for someone and need some colouring books and shit, a world of women who you'll probably never bump into again if you get shot down. That's what you need, a constant and reliable flow of single women in a non-threatening environment. Supermarket all the way bro :D - it's an actual meat market - everyone keeps their eyes open to see what's on offer.

I guess the main thing is that old chestnut... what if someone says NO.

I had a chat with a hairdresser once, she was kinda mentioned that none of her customers ever ask her out. Well I had to explain - she's cutting men's hair, and most men like to go to the same barber, clothes shop, supermarket, gym - let's face it heterosexual males do not like change. So if someone asked her out, and she said no, then they'd have to go find another hair place. If I was single at the time, I'd probably have pushed the issue :). Myself, well I'd need some sort of really obvious green light before asking out a woman who works somewhere that I visit often.

Find something you enjoy doing (or think you might enjoy) and go see if there's a group that does that (hint: there probably is) or take classes in it. you'll be more confident when you're doing something you know/enjoy and it'll definitely give you a starting point for a conversation and something to fill up awkward silences.

Strazdas:

AngloDoom:

Strazdas:

sulking in a corner of a bar with a pepsi is not an effective strategy.

I hear dancing and socialising in the centre of a bar with a Pepsi does wonders, though.

I never dance. An socializing in a bar sounds more like fiction from a movie than something that i would ever pull off. And yeah, i tried pepsi in a bar once, they never invited me again.

EeveeElectro:
'I'm not sure I even live within 30 feet of one...'

Stop making women sound like rats?

Unless i got a severe case of dumb, he said he does not live within 30 miles of a nightclub, not women.

Before anyone screams friendzone, I was friends with all my boyfriends before. You can't just walk up to a woman and say, "fair maiden! You and I are to be locked in holy matrimony!"

While the quote is obviuosly made for fun, there are people who have abosolutely no idea what to say. "hi" [awkward silence] doesnt work. tried it already.

Oops, that's a hurr durr on my part. Edited. I shouldn't post when just waking up and suffering some allergy thing in my eyes at the same time.

Anyway, I'm awkward too and sometimes just sit there with nothing to say but it is something I've been able to work on.
If people just stopped thinking they need to say something to impress pretty lady and just treated her for what she is which is a human and a potential friend, I find it easier.
He needs to work on his confidence by the sounds of it.

I'll echo @Colour Scientist, @Elementary - Dear Watson and @EeveeElectro.

Hit up evening classes of some sort. I took Japanese lessons as I wanted to learn the language, found a girlfriend while I was there. Took up acting classes as I wanted to get back into it and found my lady there - we've been together 4 years now. At the same time her sister met her now husband on match.com. It works.

The classes are a great way to further yourself as a person, engage in something you're interested in and meet new people who share similar interests as yourself. Whether those people become mates or a partner is all a benefit but should not be the main goal of the exercise. Just don't.. try too hard. Relax, take it as it comes and let what happens happen. It's not the end of the world if nothing happens.

edit:

EeveeElectro:
If people just stopped thinking they need to say something to impress pretty lady and just treated her for what she is which is a human and a potential friend, I find it easier.

So much this. Treat the pretty person you're interested in as a person and try to talk to them as a normal human being rather some unassailable fortress to be impressed and you'll find it easier.

Please, everyone knows it's college :D

EeveeElectro:

Strazdas:
SNIP

Oops, that's a hurr durr on my part. Edited. I shouldn't post when just waking up and suffering some allergy thing in my eyes at the same time.

Anyway, I'm awkward too and sometimes just sit there with nothing to say but it is something I've been able to work on.
If people just stopped thinking they need to say something to impress pretty lady and just treated her for what she is which is a human and a potential friend, I find it easier.
He needs to work on his confidence by the sounds of it.

And how exactly does one go about doing that? Please do educate us.

seriously though, if you've been keeping it a secret all this time, I'm gonna get a little cranky.

Teoes:

So much this. Treat the pretty person you're interested in as a person and try to talk to them as a normal human being rather some unassailable fortress to be impressed and you'll find it easier.

and what about those who have trouble talking to persons of all kinds? it's not that uncommon for me to meet someone in a group, then my friends go get drinks or something and i'm left with the new dude going "riiight.... so....". I'm definitely not into dudes so it's not like I'm seeing him as a fortress to be conquered. It's just that when people aren't particularly outgoing themselves, I tend to have a hard time talking to them, regardles of gender.

Johnny Novgorod:
Why are bars and dating sites a bad idea? They work, you know?

dating sites arnt for everyone. i find them incredibly depressing. The only way i meet women is stumbling into them in some Hugh Grant (like in the movies, not in real life with prostitutes) kind of way and being befuddled which apparently comes across as charming.

OP, you dont sound like you go out at all. Women will just happen to you in the end, ive never met a women when I'm thinking "I NEED TO MEET A WOMAN". Particularly places like bars, i'm in no way good at pulling, but now and again ill just end up chatting to someone. Just get out there more and think of people as people who you can chat to. half of them will be women, maybe a quarter of them will turn out to be interested in having you intercourse them, mabye a quater of THEM you will want to intercourse with. Then intercourse happens.

RELATIONSHIPS!

Get a dog.

People see you walking your dog and suddenly you're the most accessible guy on the planet. I've met quite a few interesting people, most of them women, simply because I had a dog.

Elementary - Dear Watson:
I would only reccomend online! I was single for 2 years because I was failing to meet anyone elsewhere, and due to my busy career life was kinda struggling. I then got on Match.com (I'm in the UK) and I am now meeting loads of interesting people, who like me, don't like clubbing and have similar interests. And they are of proffessions that are busy like mine too, which reduces the chance that I would meet them naturally, but ultimately feeds our capatability... Military Officers pair naturally nicely with medical professions and teachers, and that is what a lot of these girls have been!

You sound like an ad bot right now. Just Saiyan. :D

Also, how is the girl you got together with off there doing?

Roam the countryside...might as well start young...just imagine: ripe and supple...fresh for the picking...sure your first batch might be a little sour at first, but you'll get a feel for it -

>.>

<.<

We're not talking about the local apple orchard are we?

ALTERNATIVELY:

Run into your local bar, naked and screaming: "I demand intercourse! Who will become the chosen one!? LOOK AT MY DISPLAY OF COURAGE!"

Binnsyboy:

Elementary - Dear Watson:
I would only reccomend online! I was single for 2 years because I was failing to meet anyone elsewhere, and due to my busy career life was kinda struggling. I then got on Match.com (I'm in the UK) and I am now meeting loads of interesting people, who like me, don't like clubbing and have similar interests. And they are of proffessions that are busy like mine too, which reduces the chance that I would meet them naturally, but ultimately feeds our capatability... Military Officers pair naturally nicely with medical professions and teachers, and that is what a lot of these girls have been!

You sound like an ad bot right now. Just Saiyan. :D

Also, how is the girl you got together with off there doing?

Unfortunately that ended... she was nice, but she was too busy and too far away for it to work well. Shame really.

I have looking for a 4th girl to meet now! XD

Oh fuck I knew it, i'm still not cut out for this whole "relationship" thing. I read the title as "Where's a good place to eat women after college" :S

Best. #1 EU

Ah well, i've always been more comfortable on my own and it's not like I haven't tried the whole "girls" thing, it was just not worth sinking time and effort into finding and dancing around one with my amazing wit and charm. Sorry ladies, as dashingly handsome and funny as I am, i'm actually gay i'm too busy watching anime and playing League for that shit. Must get Gold before end of season y'know?

Floppertje:
-le snip-

If you're asking for confidence tips, you answered that in your own response. Confidence is what you need to be able to speak to people although I still feel like I struggle to communicate with certain people. I'm kinda reaching in the dark for things to talk about and some people I just creep out by not speaking at all.
I'm more or less mute around people who are all "BLAH BLAH BLAH ME, MY OPINION ME ME ME BLAH LISTEN TO ME."
That's fine because sometimes personalities just clash.
Building confidence isn't an overnight thing but OP definitely needs that before he wants to meet a lady.

Hell, watch Jeremy Kyle show... at least you'll never be as bad as them.

Elementary - Dear Watson:
I would only reccomend online! I was single for 2 years because I was failing to meet anyone elsewhere, and due to my busy career life was kinda struggling. I then got on Match.com (I'm in the UK) and I am now meeting loads of interesting people, who like me, don't like clubbing and have similar interests. And they are of proffessions that are busy like mine too, which reduces the chance that I would meet them naturally, but ultimately feeds our capatability... Military Officers pair naturally nicely with medical professions and teachers, and that is what a lot of these girls have been!

Would... would you lower your standards very slightly and go for someone who works for Greggs? *sparkly eyes*
LOL.

FYI, I met my man on here. I came here looking to make friends with like minded people and came out with someone who won't let go of my leg.

Floppertje:

OK your post comes across as somewhat antagonistic, but never mind.

Short answer: I dunno. I'm not pretending to be some sort of social skills coach, I just gave some suggestions on how to improve one's chances of meeting new people.

Like I said though, try to find some common ground, some shared interest, and work from there. Evening classes are great for this reason - everyone there shares at least one thing in common.

I had something similar recently when I was at a wedding reception and knew hardly anyone. Common ground there: the newly-weds. Ask how people knew them, talk about how I know them and that's you started. Progress on to what they do for a living/entertainment. Latch on to any shared interests or ask questions about anything they're talking about that you don't know/understand so that you can learn more.

Try to project an air of confidence and comfort even if you don't necessarily feel that way (I felt nervous around all these new people, but tried not to show it as that just makes things awkward; but give the impression then if/when the conversation's flowing you'll start to actually feel better), get them talking so the pressure's off you - you then come across as a good listener and therefore someone they'll want to talk to. Nail those things and the battle's won.

If your response to these things is "but I can't", then I'm not sure I can help further. You need to approach these situations with a more positive outlook, be ready for a few failures/false starts (and have the accompanying mindset that this isn't a big deal) and try.

I think you're approaching it the wrong way. The best way to meet girls in a non-forced environment (dates, basically) is to meet them through friends and then go from there if you like them. The best way to do that is to just become more social, stop focussing on trying to meet girls and focus on making yourself more social. Accept as many invitations to places and events as your wallet and your patience can allow and join up to clubs and societies that interest you and eventually you'll meet and befriend new people, which begets meeting and befriending more people. Half the people on the planet are women so the more people you meet the more likely you are to find a woman you're interested in. Also, if you're social graces aren't brilliant, getting to know more people will improve your ability to small talk, which will help to remedy that.

RipVanTinkle:
Roam the countryside...might as well start young...just imagine: ripe and supple...fresh for the picking...sure your first batch might be a little sour at first, but you'll get a feel for it -

>.>

<.<

We're not talking about the local apple orchard are we?

ALTERNATIVELY:

Run into your local bar, naked and screaming: "I demand intercourse! Who will become the chosen one!? LOOK AT MY DISPLAY OF COURAGE!"

Sorry, this was just too funny not to quote again. That clip works so well in this situation

Teoes:
snip

yeah, sorry bout that. was a little peevish this morning. I don't really 'need help' as in it's not a problem, it's more that I'd like to be one of those people who can just walk up to anyone and strike up a conversation. It's a little frustrating to read the same advice over and over again. 'you need to be more confident, you need to be more social'. Of course it's perfectly true, but it generally doesn't say how you actually do those things. It's not like you can just flip a switch and just change from one day to the next. If I look at myself 5, even 3 years ago, I've changed so much, but there wasn't a defining moment that made me go 'yep, i'm different now.' so I suppose the real problem is one of patience. You see something you want to change and you want it to change NOW, damnit. if you work on it and you don't really see any immediate change, you're likely to just screw the whole business and go back to spending your weekends alone. I guess it's a lot like working out in that regard.

I've found that, for lack of anything better to say, you can always go 'come here often?' because at the very least the one thing you'll both have in common is that you're both at the same location. so you can ask stuff like 'how'd you end up here' or 'do you like this place', and if they volunteer some information about themselves, just ask them to elaborate on that.
anyway, that's the theory, putting it in practice can be a little bit harder, especially when you're in a club with loud music or something.

/ramble

Elementary - Dear Watson:

Binnsyboy:

Elementary - Dear Watson:
I would only reccomend online! I was single for 2 years because I was failing to meet anyone elsewhere, and due to my busy career life was kinda struggling. I then got on Match.com (I'm in the UK) and I am now meeting loads of interesting people, who like me, don't like clubbing and have similar interests. And they are of proffessions that are busy like mine too, which reduces the chance that I would meet them naturally, but ultimately feeds our capatability... Military Officers pair naturally nicely with medical professions and teachers, and that is what a lot of these girls have been!

You sound like an ad bot right now. Just Saiyan. :D

Also, how is the girl you got together with off there doing?

Unfortunately that ended... she was nice, but she was too busy and too far away for it to work well. Shame really.

I have looking for a 4th girl to meet now! XD

Well you know what they say. Fourth times' the charm.

...

Wait...

Well I hear blowup dolls are nice.

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