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Press Junketeer  Posts: 435 Joined: 3 Mar 2008     | |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1284 Joined: 29 Jun 2008     | Your young...don't put up with that...there are plenty of perpetual fish in the big perpetual ocean...for lack of a better cliche... |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1185 Joined: 17 Jun 2008     | Damn, the people here are really harsh. My advice is to just relax. Remind yourself that this isn't the whole world. You don't need to define what is going on between you, and it doesn't have to be serious. Be honest, talk to her about this, but don't let how she feels about your friend, or how you feel for her stop the two of you from having fun. Don't plan too much, she doesn't seem to go well with plans, keep things simple. Don't think "I'm going to meet her and we'll do X at Y". If you're going to meet her try to expect only that, that you're going to see her, it might be with friends, it might be alone, you might do any number of things. Shouldn't matter too much. I don't know how you feel or react in situations like that. Personally, if I love someone, I like being around that person, no matter what we do. If that person is happy, then I'm happy. If I'm part of that happiness, then all the better. If a person I'm in love with is in love with someone else, then sure, I'm going to be a bit jealous. Of course I am, I would be lying if I said I wasn't, but I'd still try to be with the person, and enjoy it. Whatever there is between that person and his/her love interest, I'm still going to love the person, I'm still going to enjoy their company, especially if that person is happy. And that person will have greater joy from my company if I enjoy it, and keep happy. It's all about keeping a positive attitude, and not letting things that shouldn't matter get in the way. Don't let the future keep you from having fun in the present. Sure, she might get together with your friend sometime in the future, sure, she might not feel the same for you as you feel for her. Then again, she actually might, and she might not end up with your friend. At the moment the two of you seem to have fun together. Keep that up instead of worrying about possible futures. Even if all of the cynics in this thread are right, and she is using you as a stand-by, what's wrong with that? You enjoy it, don't you? It's fun. Just don't take it too seriously, and try to keep a positive attitude about it. |
Muckraker  Posts: 256 Joined: 10 Jan 2009    | Silver: You have all my golden tokens. Go spend them on dance dance revolution. Seriously, that's pretty much what I wanted to hear =P |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 4582 Joined: 22 Jun 2008   | She will let you down.. She will make you hurt.. /reference |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1766 Joined: 2 Jul 2008   | Tell your best friend. He will probably not be interested and advise you to ditch her. If so and only if so... Mischievous plan ensues: Ask him if he's up to "getting her back". He's your best friend right? Arrange a meeting with her and have him 'turn up'. - Just a suggestion |
Muckraker Posts: 256 Joined: 10 Jan 2009 |
Epic. But yes. She's told him, he's known, he's not interested in the least... She sorta was making a move on him the very first time we hung out... |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 4582 Joined: 22 Jun 2008 | Pack your shit up and throw it into the sunshine. Its easier to understand what shes thinking and your thinking if its in clearer terms. |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 649 Joined: 17 Sep 2008    |
Isn't this just listening to what you want to hear? What was the point in this thread if everyones advice can be counterbalanced by the one possitive guy? Who knows, maybe this one guy is right and that is the perfect way things will work out, but I highly doubt that. Lifes a bitch like that. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 4582 Joined: 22 Jun 2008 |
As posted earlier, lifes cycle is very simple. You eat, shit, sleep, fuck, get hurt, die.(Not in that order of course.) |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2770 Joined: 13 Feb 2008   | Run. Run as fast as you can. |
Infamous Scribbler Posts: 649 Joined: 17 Sep 2008 |
Just because its simple doesn't mean it can't be a bitch? |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2275 Joined: 13 Sep 2007   | If you like her that much, isn't it enough to just make her happy in any way you can? Do you actually need to be part of it instead of just being a supportive friend? Or am I the only person who thinks like that? |
Muckraker Posts: 256 Joined: 10 Jan 2009 | Mmm... Good point Frag.. I don't know. I just think that something like that is likely what Im going to do. Of course I wont do just that, and Ill probably consider all of the physical separations, but that's not likely. We have half a year left, and she's in one of my classes. But after that, Im probably going to work for a year, and she's probably off to university. Sooner or later, there is going to be a physical separation, at which point things will be figured out. I'd just rather have it happen later. Easy: Yeah... that Also makes a lot of sense, and is also likely to happen.. but again: My most likely course of action is to see how this plays out with a little less involvement from me. Most of the bad things that have happened have happened because I had expectations of each event. I think a lot of that is out the window based on how that hasn't really worked yet. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 4582 Joined: 22 Jun 2008 |
I thought the get hurt described that?
Your not the only one. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1766 Joined: 2 Jul 2008 |
Now that you've said that I think I have enough information to see things from her point of view... She likes your friend. She doesn't mind your company, hence you and her. However, she really likes your friend better. He is being a good friend by keeping out of it, not that he likes her anyway, but some other guys wouldn't say no to a girl who was obviously after them. Yet, she doesn't want to have a bad breakup with you as she thinks that will make your friend hate her on your behalf and she really doesn't want that even if she can never have him and accepts this fact. What a mess. You seem sensitive and she seems 'empathic' so the only way out is for you to be less emotional and give her the confidence to split. Realistically it would be better if you could end things with her on the grounds that she likes your friend better even though you know that no one is going to get a relationship out of this as a result. So, a cordial mutual separation and 'cooling off period' is advised. However, do not be shocked rigid if your friend does go out with her once you are physically and emotionally 'out of the picture' - and don't be angry with him if he does this, he has waited long enough in this near classic love triangle. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 214 Joined: 20 Dec 2007   |
Not to sound like a pessimist, but if she likes your friend, has told him this even though he has rejected her, and still likes him more than you, she may just be using you as a bit of a temporary guy to satisfy her desires with another person until she can find a way to move on to him. I would do what the others have suggested here Sirsolo, just sever your ties to this girl, let it go. You may not want to at the current time, but believe me, if what I'm getting from her descriptions is right, you'll be a lot happier without her than you would be with her. You'll get used to being single, it's not so bad really, |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 4582 Joined: 22 Jun 2008 |
Single for 14 years.(I did get some grab-assing at around age six with another girl my age. O.o) And otherwise, happy. |
Beat Writer Posts: 214 Joined: 20 Dec 2007 |
Heh, I think grab assing at the age of six is a little off topic, but I will give you points for getting me to laugh. But back on topic myself here, I may have been a little too pessimistic with my first paragraph in the previous comment, unless she's been actively trying to get to your friend while being with you, I would ignore that bit. Regardless, however I would still recommend letting it go, re-reading your original description of her, it would seem that things have been a little hectic between you two more than once in regards to being together and now may just be the time to break up and fly solo for a little while. Best of luck to you Sirsolo. |
Muckraker Posts: 256 Joined: 10 Jan 2009 | Hmm.. I still don't really know in regards to myself. (Iceman: She hasn't really been trying to get with him, but has been Kinda trying to make small talk with him, that he's refused) There are few things that I cannot do, and that is go back on something like loving someone. If I go back on it, then there's not much that I can trust within myself anymore... but like I've said before: Putting on cruise control, see how things go... Time heals all wounds, yes? It also makes trees grow. (Metaphors ftw?) Edit: To Blues below:... Man.... every new post just seems to make more and more sense.. obviously, Im also very confused myself, but that probably makes a lot of sense. Sirsolo's Mother: She wont realize she wants you if she can get you off the store shelf at any moment she wants. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2017 Joined: 24 Sep 2008  | It will never happen. You will never be with her. The reason for this is that you have, by your own admission, put her on a pedestal, and positioned yourself as the guy she can come to whenever she wants without you expecting anything in return, which is great for when she wants to feel good about herself, but shitty for you because in her eyes you are now nothing more than an easy ego boost, and that just isn't attractive. If she's feeling down, she can make herself feel better by making out with you all night, and then she can just cut you loose and go back to the guys she's actually interested in with some more confidence. I personally wouldn't cut her out of my life, but I would most definitely forget about her in a romantic sense and move on. Don't make moves, don't press it, just meet some new girls and flirt with them instead. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 4582 Joined: 22 Jun 2008 |
Selflessness in the face of temptation. Got hand it to the kid. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2017 Joined: 24 Sep 2008 |
He's not being selfless, he's allowing her to take advantage of her. I'm not even saying that she has malicious intent, I'm just saying that it's not healthy for either of them, especially him, and that he should get over it and move on to someone else. Which he will. And he'll think he was a complete idiot. Lord knows I was a complete idiot when I was 17, largely due to situations eerily similar to this one. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1185 Joined: 17 Jun 2008 |
Hearing someone else say what you believe all along may prove to you that you're not insane, that there may be hope that you are right. If you were all alone in your belief in something, with everyone telling you that you were wrong, and that should act in another way, wouldn't you begin to doubt, no matter how much you believed? To hear another agree with you, to hear another say the things that you believe, could in this situation mean very much. I'm not saying I had this effect, but maybe partially. I'm glad my post was appreciated, and I hope my advice can help. It has sure helped my own mental health a lot, I used to brood and over-analyze things a lot, for far longer than I should have. It cost me a lot more than I'd like to admit, even to myself. Changing the way I saw things into what I described has helped me immensly. If I could help someone else avoid the pit I fell in, then I too will feel better, and maybe we'll both be a little more hopeful for tomorrow. Who knows, after a while we may have brightened a lot of people's days, and what more could I wish for really, than to bring smiles to the faces of the people around me? |
Muckraker  Posts: 268 Joined: 12 Dec 2008   | I'll reiterate what other people said. She's playing with you. Don't go there, I went there somewhat, but I broke off with her, and it'll still suck, but it's a good thing. (Considering if she lived in my town she'd be stalking me O_o) ((And I'm not really joking... met her at church and she still thinks I like her. We've been over for months)) |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1850 Joined: 13 Jan 2009     | I leave this post in hopes of helping you . Actually I was whatching Unskippable when I saw you Forum and just made this acount to help you, this is my first post ever. I personally am strong in my catholic faith but unlike others I acept peoples choices, for we are all human and all are lead by desires and emotions and avoiding them is difficult. I don't think this person loves you back like you love her but mabey as a way of experimenting with her sexuality like many teen girls do. (not saying you had sex) Youths are unsure of their emotions choices like this shouldn't be made till your a grow adult and thats the cold truth, live your life now as a teenager but don't force you self to make difficult choices like this untill you are more mature, move on and time will hell your wounds. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 4582 Joined: 22 Jun 2008 |
I wasn't talking about him, but his best friend. |
On the Record  Posts: 6532 Joined: 8 Nov 2008   |
Listen to your mother! She knows best! |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2053 Joined: 7 Sep 2008   | Kill it. Kill it WITH FIRE!!! The relationship, I mean. Cut off all communication. If she comes back begging with her puppy eyes, then *evil grin* time for revenge then. |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 606 Joined: 24 Sep 2008   | Dude, I'm sorry to tell you this, but these people are right, you need to cut your losses. I know plenty of women just like this. It is a safe bet she knows she has you in the palm of her hand. She can twist you and mess with you any way she wants because she is sure that you will always come back. This is especially the case when she can't seem to make up her mind. I would recommend that you tell here you can't just wait for her to make up her mind. |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 8 Joined: 12 Jan 2009  | In life, we all wear masks and place them on others. You think you're in love with being used? You're in love with someone who doesn't love you back? No disrespect, but no. You're in love with the image of her; the mask you've put on her. The problem is the mask doesn't fit. She's not who you want her to be. You've said you're a hopeless romantic, then look at it this way. The person you love is out there somewhere. It's not her. The face that makes your heart flutter, the smile that makes you giddy, the image you've attached to this girl belongs to someone else. The more time you spend on the impostor, the less you are being true to yourself. You won't be going back on loving her, you'll be freeing that love to find its true place. Drop her. The mask doesn't fit. She is NOT who she seems to be. Those feelings belong to some else, and you'll never find them while fixated on her. |
Copy Clerk Posts: 88 Joined: 11 Dec 2008  | Okay... I'm going to give you some advice from the other side of the fence here (Did I hear a metaphor there? Gotta keep it running!). I personally don't think she's intentionally 'fucking' with you, however I have a somewhat optimistic view of people in general. Liking someone, especially during high school can be a completely and utterly confusing trial. Don't go out of your way to plan when you'll find love. It's unpredictable and you'll probably find it when you least expect it. However, I will agree that by placing her on a 'pedestal' probably won't gain you attraction points, because you need to put yourself on an equal footing. Trust me, it's entertaining for a little while when a guy things the world revolves around you, but after a while its like a puppy... cute, but you feel you cant seriously communicate with them because they're in a constant state of awe. Anywho, I hope I helped a bit. Goodluck! |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1094 Joined: 11 Oct 2008   | I suggest you push her off the boat and feed her to the sharks before she drills holes in yours and escapes with the only life boat... |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 4 Joined: 30 Oct 2008 | Silver is probably the wisest person here. Kudos to him, I learnt alot from his post as well. Thanks Silver. |
Nobel Laureate  Posts: 16151 Joined: 26 Dec 2008 | Walk away right now. You will be all the happier for it, I promise you. I had a similar problem, but instead of walking away, I just stopped loving her instead. (Compartmentalization works wonders, if you can get it to work. Practice may be required.) |
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Yeah did this to yourself. You even admitted it (whether or not you actually know it) by saying how you put her up on a pedestal. By doing this, you said, "I am willing to do whatever you want because I am lesser than you". As of right now, the best thing I suggest for you to do is not accept everyone of her invitations to hang-out, don't call her that much, and (this is based solely on assumption) don't be so nice to her, or art least be blunt with her.