MtG Players, I could use your help for a (godawful, terrible) new EDH deck.

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Hey there fellow cardboard crack addicts, I could use your help.

I'm trying to build a gimmick deck for an upcoming silly night my gaming group is having, and I'm looking to build a 5-colour deck with nothing but the dumbest, stupidest and most terrible cards that wotc has ever printed.

I've already chosen Karona The False God as my commander (she's bloody terrible), so I need your suggestions for junk to fill my deck with. Anything from creatures to lands, as long as it's an utterly terrible card. The worst of the worst. I want the other players at my table scratching their heads and grunting like Tim Allen whenever I play a card.

The only rules that have been set is that cards from the banned list are obviously banned, as are cards from the Unglued/Unhinged sets.

Thanks in advance, Escapists!

-------[Edit]---------

Alrighty, so here's the decklist so far. I'm still a few cards short though, I need 1 spell (instant or artifact, though I'd prefer instants) and 1 land (preferably one that benefits my opponents or does something extremely pointless, like the ones that give coloured legendary creatures banding).

When I get home I'll find a way to link each card to gatherer or something so you can mouse-over to see the terribleness in all its "glory".

You may now witness the awfulness of this terrible deck in (almost) all its dubious glory.

I'm still open for suggestions, if you can think of cards that are even worse than the ones I've included (let me know which one/s I should swap for them too please).

So after several playtest games with a few friends, I can report that this godawful deck can actually pull off a win. I got my arse handed to me several times, as expected, and caused quite a number of headaches (also as expected). However, I managed to pull off draws twice thanks to Divine Intervention, a win with that hilarious Cheese combo that Randomosity suggested, and a single win with Leveler/Laboratory Maniac. Overall though, it was an incredibly fun deck to play, and we all had a great time. The games that it was built for happen this weekend coming, so I'll update this post after then.

--------

Soooo... yeah. As expected, I got completely annihilated. Barely got to play any of my cards and didn't get to make anyone's head explode. This was due, in great part, to 2 of the group not understanding the term "gimmick" and building elf/infect decks. Frankly, those two almost ruined the entire thing.

A few of us got together for drinks and games after the "official" tournie, and things went a lot better. I pulled off a shock win against a "seafood" deck (everything was a fish, squid or other form of sea-life), a squirrel deck and a deck based around Wheel of Fortune (almost every card had a similar effect).

All in all, the later, "unofficial" games that a few of us played over beers and pizza were a lot more fun, as it was only those of us who understood the concept of "silly gimmick" playing. The "official" games were pretty much a waste of time.

Once again, thank you to everyone who made suggestions and helped me build my ridiculously bad deck. I genuinely love it, and have no plans to break it down. I will even play it from time to time in the groups' regular games of commander, just because it's so stupidly entertaining and amusing.

Aw. No Unglued? I was gonna suggest Cheatyface and Ashnod's Coupon.

Leveler: Good luck using it without killing yourself:
http://magiccards.info/query?q=leveler&v=card&s=cname
Possessed Portal: Not actually a bad card, but the game just sort of starts counting down.
http://magiccards.info/5dn/en/144.html
More as I think of them.
Battle of Wits
Aggressive Mining
Manabarbs
Worldfire
Possibility Storm
Jinxed Idol
Enter the Infinite
Volatile rig
Contested Warzone

Souplex:
Leveler: Good luck using it without killing yourself:
http://magiccards.info/query?q=leveler&v=card&s=cname
Possessed Portal: Not actually a bad card, but the game just sort of starts counting down.
http://magiccards.info/5dn/en/144.html
More as I think of them.
Battle of Wits
Aggressive Mining
Manabarbs
Worldfire
Possibility Storm
Jinxed Idol
Enter the Infinite
Volatile rig
Contested Warzone

Erm, he asked for bad cards, why are you suggesting Enter the Infinite?

ot; So,a while ago there was a thread over on No Gobllins Allowed that was a deck building challenge based around creating the worst, most unplayable deck imaginable. Thread here; http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=15876 People came up with some impressively bad stuff.

I made 3 progressively more terrible decks for it myself;
http://tappedout.net/mtg-decks/crapwalker/
http://tappedout.net/mtg-decks/crapwalker-ver2-electric-boogaloo/
http://tappedout.net/mtg-decks/crapwalker-3-crap-harder/

I think the only card that's actually edh playable among them was probably Kruphix. Obviously in edh many of these cards are even worse than normal. Hopefully this should give you a good basis for truly goddawful cards, though I can't imagine it'll be much fun to play with.

Of course, if you want something that like, actually does stuff and isn't completely unfun to play with then you might just want to look into some sort of pillowfort/taxes/group hug strategy. Throw in every propaganda/ghosty prison/sphere of safety/solitary confinement/norns annex variant you can to make people stop attacking you, use mana barbs to hurt everyone when they tap for anything, howling mine/fevered visions/dictate of kruphix/Jace Beleren/wheel of fortune to make everyone draw more cards, then make it so that drawing cards hurts everyone with things like Nekusar/fate unraveler and such. Sit and laugh.

Alternatively you could just run an insane chaos build, with things like scrambleverse, warp world, possibility storm, etc. (Not, if you run possibility storm, you MUST also run knowledge pool AND Teferi, Mage of Zalfir, the possibility of making it so every spell cast is exiled forever is too good to miss.)

Hawk of Battle:

Souplex:
Leveler: Good luck using it without killing yourself:
http://magiccards.info/query?q=leveler&v=card&s=cname
Possessed Portal: Not actually a bad card, but the game just sort of starts counting down.
http://magiccards.info/5dn/en/144.html
More as I think of them.
Battle of Wits
Aggressive Mining
Manabarbs
Worldfire
Possibility Storm
Jinxed Idol
Enter the Infinite
Volatile rig
Contested Warzone

Erm, he asked for bad cards, why are you suggesting Enter the Infinite?

A card that unless properly built around is very likely to kill its user?
Mostly I suggested things that aren't good or bad, they just change the table dynamic a lot.

Oh man, theres an entire youtube series about this. Look up wirst cards ever from the mana source youtube channel. theyre so incredibly bad!

Because simply just giving him Forestwalk would have been too overpowered.
image

Souplex:
*snip*

I know, I'm really disappointed about the ban on Un sets too. I might be able to get away with Cheatyface though, thanks to his ability. I can also probably get away with using "The Cheese Stands Alone", since it got reprinted as a real card with just a different name and art.

Some great suggestions there, cheers!

Hawk of Battle:
*snip*

I've been reading those links you provided and am getting some inspiration from them. Thank you!

9tailedflame:
*snip*

I'd never heard of them before, but I've got them on my "to watch when I get home" list. Cheers for cluing me in to them.

President Bagel:
*snip*

Ahahahahahahaha, perfect! That's exactly the sort of terrible card I'm looking for. He's in. Thanks!

Mishra is useless in EDH. All you're getting is a 4/4 that costs 4.

DarthCoercis:

Souplex:
*snip*

I know, I'm really disappointed about the ban on Un sets too. I might be able to get away with Cheatyface though, thanks to his ability. I can also probably get away with using "The Cheese Stands Alone", since it got reprinted as a real card with just a different name and art.

Some great suggestions there, cheers!

Hawk of Battle:
*snip*

I've been reading those links you provided and am getting some inspiration from them. Thank you!

9tailedflame:
*snip*

I'd never heard of them before, but I've got them on my "to watch when I get home" list. Cheers for cluing me in to them.

President Bagel:
*snip*

Ahahahahahahaha, perfect! That's exactly the sort of terrible card I'm looking for. He's in. Thanks!

Oh and you definitely need to post the decklist and give us a full report after. I've never seen an edh deck designed to be intentionally this bad.

Hawk of Battle:

Oh and you definitely need to post the decklist and give us a full report after. I've never seen an edh deck designed to be intentionally this bad.

Absolutely. I assume that I'm going to completely murdered in every game, but it should be highly amusing up until that point.

DarthCoercis:

Hawk of Battle:

Oh and you definitely need to post the decklist and give us a full report after. I've never seen an edh deck designed to be intentionally this bad.

Absolutely. I assume that I'm going to completely murdered in every game, but it should be highly amusing up until that point.

If your deck does enough nothing you could also throw in a Necropotence just so you can draw all the nothing at once and presumably end your own suffering quicker should the need arise.

Hawk of Battle:

If your deck does enough nothing you could also throw in a Necropotence just so you can draw all the nothing at once and presumably end your own suffering quicker should the need arise.

That's a damn good idea. Maybe that wizard who makes you draw your entire deck at once too.

You could always try to implement the glorious and incredibly overpowered turbo great wall combo in EDH.

http://www.essentialmagic.com/Decks/View.asp?ID=170272

Make sure you read the "how it works" section at the bottom of the page.

Coin flip cards for maximum lulz, like Boompile or Goblin Bomb.

Troll multiplayer cards that can be passed back and forth, like Jinxed Choker or Crown of Doom.

Or if you want to be that guy and waste everyone's time: Thieves' Auction is the best card for that.

Choppaduel:
You could always try to implement the glorious and incredibly overpowered turbo great wall combo in EDH.

Unfortunately, a great many of those cards are banned in EDH/Commander. A lot of them are also way outside of my purchasing capabilities (all 5 moxes, library of alexandria and a lotus? bloody hell).

The Chronatog and Balduvian Shaman definitely fit in the deck though! Thanks for sharing.

Imre Csete:
*snip*

Ooh, those are good. Thieves Auction I think might get a chair thrown at me, but those other 4 are great ideas. Cheers!

DarthCoercis:

Ooh, those are good. Thieves Auction I think might get a chair thrown at me, but those other 4 are great ideas. Cheers!

If you want to double down on coin flips, run Chance Encounter with Impulsive Maneuvers for the most deserving wincondition Magic rules allow.

Just lean back and watch the tables fly.

RaikuFA:
Mishra is useless in EDH. All you're getting is a 4/4 that costs 4.

Actually, he combos with Blood Funnel to make your artifacts cost 2 less and be uncounterable.

OT: needs more Goblin Game, Madblind Mountain, and Psychogenic Probe, among other things.

BTW, Karona got a lot better with the printing of all those cards that buff enchanted/equipped creature in exchange for it being unable to attack you. I'd argue Atogatog does less while being more awesome, and Child of Alara literally does nothing as long as you keep putting it back in the commander zone.

Imre Csete:

win condition

The deck's not really supposed to have any of those, to be honest, unless you count making my group's heads explode as they try to figure out what the hell kind of deck I built and wtf is with all the god-awful cards. That's why the only thing in it that is (technically) even close to a win condition is Divine Favor.

ccggenius12:

Goblin Game, Madblind Mountain, and Psychogenic Probe.

I love all of those, they're in. Btw, the art on Child of Alara is creepy as hell.

The first thing I thought of when I saw your thread was indeed Goblin Game, which has already been mentioned (Goblin Game).

On the creature side you still seem to be missing Volcano Hellion, which totally allows you to blow yourself up quickly.

To make everyone else lose as well as yourself there's also Bond of Agony.

As for the land you're still looking for, you could always target yourself with Piranha Marsh.

TyrunnAlberyn:
*snip*

Ooh, those are nice. I could cut the Camel and replace it with the Hellion, add in the Bond of Agony and cut the Mindmoil for an Illusions of Grandeur

The end result looks truly awful. Now watch as you win by accident the first time you take this deck out, just because your opponents keep misreading your cards and help keep you alive by countering them and the like ;).

Is it wrong that I'm really looking forward to playing this dumpster fire?

You're not running Knowledge Pool alongside that Possibility Storm? Madness. Also both volatile rig and the Nehpilim seem too good. Like, they actually attack profitably and maybe blow up stuff or get big enough to eventually attack quite comfortably, respectively.

You could find jankier.

EDIT; I'm also not seeing any Scrambleverse either. This is tantamount to heresy!

Hawk of Battle:
You're not running Knowledge Pool alongside that Possibility Storm? Madness. Also both volatile rig and the Nehpilim seem too good. Like, they actually attack profitably and maybe blow up stuff or get big enough to eventually attack quite comfortably, respectively.

You could find jankier.

EDIT; I'm also not seeing any Scrambleverse either. This is tantamount to heresy!

I could cut the Nephilim for Knowledge Pool and Battle of Wits for Scrambleverse easily enough. You don't think the 2 coin flip mechanics on Volatile Rig classify it as stupid enough for this deck though?

I think running heavy solo mana cost cards like Phage will spoil your fun. There's nothing inherently fun with a dead card in hand. If I were to build the 'bad' deck I'd want to be able to use the cards.

I think running all of the Nephalem would be a great choice. Those cards have elements of fun to them without being remotely competitive.

I think you should run run more 3+ colour cards as well to take advantage of your 5 colour theme. If you happen to run some cards that are good than that's fine, the deck won't win but you'll be doing fun things.

- Cromat
- Genju of the Realm
- Last Stand - Very fun card in the late game
- Sen Triplets
- Zur the Enchanter - so long as you have a couple of targets for him.

You could argue that I'm trying to make the deck too competitive but I like the idea of doing stuff that's interesting rather than just playing wasted space.

If you want to run wasted space stuff then I think Homerid was a good choice. My favorite wasted card is Apocalypse Chime if you have it.

Card Text: 2, Tap: Sacrifice Apocalypse Chime to bury all cards from the Homelands expansion.

Get Rekt EDH format!

babinro:
*snip*

I mostly went with 5 colours so that I could run all of the stupid, terrible and awful cards. Well, 65 of them at least.

Ooh, Apocalypse Chime! I'd forgotten all about that one!

Zur the Enchanter I think could find a place in the deck, letting me play some of the (awful) enchantments for free is quite nice. Cromat could probably fit too, as it's going to be painful to use in any meaningful way (since most of the lands that I'm running either hurt or do silly things).

I put Phage in the deck more for amusements' sake than as an actual playable card. Accidentally getting her thanks to Possibility Storm is always hilarious.

Genju of the Realm is, unfortunately, far to powerful and useful for this particular deck (I'm calling it The Craptastic Spellbook of a Failed Wizard). I do have an actually playable deck that I think that'll definitely work in though.

Last Stand could work though. At best I'll only have 2 of each basic land type, so it wouldn't be powerful enough to have a genuine impact on the game.

I really like Sen Triplets, but again I think that's too powerful and useful an effect for this particular deck (it is meant to be absolutely terrible, after all).

Thanks for your suggestions!

[Edit]
So I cut the Wood Elemental for the Cromat, the Volatile Rig for Zur the Enchanter and Ember Shot for Last Stand.

DarthCoercis:

Hawk of Battle:
You're not running Knowledge Pool alongside that Possibility Storm? Madness. Also both volatile rig and the Nehpilim seem too good. Like, they actually attack profitably and maybe blow up stuff or get big enough to eventually attack quite comfortably, respectively.

You could find jankier.

EDIT; I'm also not seeing any Scrambleverse either. This is tantamount to heresy!

I could cut the Nephilim for Knowledge Pool and Battle of Wits for Scrambleverse easily enough. You don't think the 2 coin flip mechanics on Volatile Rig classify it as stupid enough for this deck though?

I see you've already cut the rig anyway, but yeah, I mean at worst it was a 4/4 that can attack pretty well and you can disguise the fact you have to hit your opponents each turn by claiming "oh no I'm sorry, it just HAS to attack somebody!" And then occasionally it blows up because somebody is stupid enough to block it and causes a board wipe.

You definately need Knowledge Pool and Scrambleverse in here though, as they both let you essentially play other peoples stuff, scrambleverse itself completely shakes up the field and causes other players no end of grief. The pool is also even better in your deck because you can dump otherwise useless cards into and instead play your opponents better stuff, leaving them less value.

And then you combine either of them with Teferi, Mage of Zhalfir and hard lock your opponents out of the game forever.

Hawk of Battle:
*snip*

Oops, knew I forgot to edit something! Thanks for reminding me. I've cut the Battle of Wits for Scrambleverse and the Boompile for Knowledge Pool.

Can I get away with Teferi, given the deck's "theme"? What do you think I should cut for it? The Horror of Horrors, maybe?

Could I put Confusion in the Ranks into this deck? I think it could add some extra hilarity. What should I cut for it, if you all think it's a good fit?

DarthCoercis:

Hawk of Battle:
*snip*

Oops, knew I forgot to edit something! Thanks for reminding me. I've cut the Battle of Wits for Scrambleverse and the Boompile for Knowledge Pool.

Can I get away with Teferi, given the deck's "theme"? What do you think I should cut for it? The Horror of Horrors, maybe?

Up to you really. Looking more closely it looks like you'll probably be dead to your own manabase before too long, and the Horrors does literally nothing. So if you're just trying to kill yourself quickly and have nohting but dead cards either in hand or on the field, skip Teferi, however...

DarthCoercis:
Could I put Confusion in the Ranks into this deck? I think it could add some extra hilarity. What should I cut for it, if you all think it's a good fit?

If you actually want to make the deck still do wierd shit and run otherwise janky ass cards like Confusion (which combos quite well with Illusions of Grandeur btw), then you can have a deck that technically does stuff, that's probably gona cause others to rage and not know what the hell is happening anymore, resulting in pure chaos and actual fun, even with the jankiness. And if you do run Confusion, then Perplexing Chimera would also like a word.

I don't see a Barren Glory listed. I feel it would fit in well with the deck.

DarthCoercis:
Could I put Confusion in the Ranks into this deck? I think it could add some extra hilarity. What should I cut for it, if you all think it's a good fit?

In my experience, you want to let people play their decks the way they intended to. Confusion in the ranks and cards like it will get you targeted to the best of the tables' ability. Meanwhile, cards like Balduvian Shaman will have people keeping you in the game just to see what you'll play next.

Hawk of Battle:

*snip*

Found a place to fit him. I cut the Torpid Moloch.

then Perplexing Chimera would also like a word.

He's in, and so's Confusion. I think Confusion combos pretty well with Possibility Storm too.

Randomosity:

I don't see a Barren Glory listed. I feel it would fit in well with the deck.

I'm running The Cheese Stands Alone. I know we're not supposed to use Un cards, but since the Cheese got reprinted as Barren Glory, I think I can get away with it.

Choppaduel:

In my experience, you want to let people play their decks the way they intended to. Confusion in the ranks and cards like it will get you targeted to the best of the tables' ability. Meanwhile, cards like Balduvian Shaman will have people keeping you in the game just to see what you'll play next.

Heh, if my own deck hasn't killed me by turn 10, something is going wrong. I'm not overly worried about being a target, but the idea of a Possibility Storm/Confusion combo amuses me too much to leave out.

Looking good. I am amused how you can so very nearly win with the Cheese/One with Nothing. All you really need is a way to destroy all your lands now. Hope someones running Armageddon. I also can't wait for you to Dubiously Challenge someone, revealing Leveller and for them to snap take it because it's a 10/10, not realizing what it does or that it's a may ability on the challenge. Same for Phage. Though that seems unlikely.

It will be hilarious as well when you accidentally imprint that Necropotence and/or Enter the Infinite onto The Knowledge Pool and let someone else have the value, or maybe even get them back with the Chimera if they forget about it. You could even be a real dick and give them your Demonic Pact or Illusions of Grandeur with Confusion. Hell you could even Possibility Storm into either of them if Confusion is out and you cast any other enchantment.

Of course, there's also the Leveler/Lab Maniac combo, which might even be the easiest way you just outright win here. But that sounds positively boring by comparison!

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