Flashing-ninja obscurities: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Zombie Ninja Pro-Am

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Damn it all to fiddle-sticks. I was hoping that with my flashing ninja avatar disappearing, Flashing Ninja Obscurities would die with it, therefore ensuring that I would never have to review this game. But no, I just had to have my avatar back, because it is my "symbol". Damn you Furburt and your persuasive talk!

But first, let me tell you about the greatest console of all time. The one true console that stands above all other consoles. Yes, I'm of course talking about:

And that my friends, was the most random thing to ever have been in a review for the past 5 minutes!

Anyway, my avatar is back, and with my avatar comes the sequel you've all been waiting for, the follow up to my Gamestop review, the end to all human existence [1]! I'm talking of course about my review of

AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE

ZOMBIE NINJA PRO-AM

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You are not prepared!

For those of you who don't know, Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a fairly popular tv-show that is currently running on Cartoon Networks Adult Swim programming block.[2] It's a cartoon about three anthropomorphic characters living in the suburbs of New Jersey. These characters are as follows:

Master Shake: The perfect example of why milkshakes are social rejects that nobody except I love.
Frylock: The answer to the question "What would an evil scientist look like if he turned himself into a box of French Fries".
And finally, Meatwad: In case you want your meatballs to be incredibly retarded and have the ability to turn into samurai Abraham Lincoln.

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Wonder Twin Powers Activate! Form of: an Americans wet dream

Seeing as how the show has gained a cult following for being awesome-tastic, I would gladly recommend it to anyone who likes dark comedy in form of cartoons.

So you have a rather successful show with a cult following. Now how would you make a faithful video game adaptation for that? The answer is simple: Stay away from golfing!

Oh yes, ATHF ZNP-A is a golfing game.

A.
Golfing.
Game.

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If only there was an option to beat myself to death with the golf-club..

Why is it a golfing game? I DON'T KNOW. Maybe the developers got high on glue one day and thought to themselves "Hey, what if we take a video game genre virtually nobody except Hubilub likes, and shit all over it! Then we disguise it as food so all the Americans will eat it and get diarrhea!"

I mean my god... It's so horrible! It's so bad that I can't stand playing it for more than 15 minutes before I need to rewind with some Beatles Rockband. This game is the bane of my existence! I had more fun with Dante's Inferno, and I hated Dante's Inferno!

This is the most simplified formula for a sports game since fucking Pong! And even Pong had more inspiration than this shit. Let me tell you how the Golfing physics in this game works. You press X. Then you press it again. Then again. Then again. THAT'S IT! You charge up your hit, you stop the charge up, then you charge up(?) your accuracy meter, and then you stop it. Unless you are putting, in which case, you just charge up your accuracy meter.

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Let's Play Grand Theft Auto: LSD!

But to give the game credit, it did include one thing about golfing that no other golfing game I can remember has ever done before. The problem is, there is a reason for why this has not been implemented. I'm of course talking about you having to walk all the way to where your ball landed!

They try to spice this up by having lots and lots of enemies popping up whenever you have to walk to your ball, but the combat system is soooooooo broken. I just randomly press the attack-button all the time, not knowing if I'm hitting something or not. And you have to kill every single enemy before you can hit the ball again.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

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SWEDEN RAGE!

Broken golfing, broken combat, broken game. When I saw it in the store I was hoping that this game would be insane on such a level that my mind would explode, but it turns out that it simply rides on the fame of a beloved tv-show, and to its core is nothing more than a shitty, shitty game.

I'm sorry guys, but this was just too shitty for me to make a decent review on. I promise that next time, I will be more detailed. And I think you will like next time, for I have something special in mind for you.

Hubilub would like to remind everyone that cookies are a great substitute for fossile-fuel

[1] Ok, not so much that, but whatever
[2] A lot of difficult words, I know, but just ignore them, sweetie

What a zany and hyperactive review!

Certainly the work of someone who's trying to work his way through 47 litres of cola, anyway.

Well, you've convinced me not to buy this game! It wasn't too hard, all you had to do was say the words 'Golfing game'.

And the words 'Sweden'.

And the 'the'.

*hits golf ball*

Go get it.

Onyx Oblivion:
*hits golf ball*

Go get it.

Very well

*gets attacked by a tree*

NOOOOOOOO!

Hubilub:

Very well

*gets attacked by a tree*

NOOOOOOOO!

Is it just me, or does this game sound like a game down at the country club after ingesting LSD?

"FUCKING TREES MESSING WITH MY SWING! I'M A GIANT MILKSHAKE! ARRGH!"

aww, I feel kind of bad for you for getting suckered into playing a sucky golf game.

I have never really understood why golf has ever made it into games. I think it is possibly one of the most boring games in both reality and the gaming industry.

To be honest, I cannot really see a way to turn a cult TV show into a good game, nor do I think that it has ever been done.

Very nice review though. Very concise and straight to the point.

what's the plot like?

Onyx Oblivion:
what's the plot like?

Have you ever seen an episode of ATHF?

Plot is an afterthought.

Furburt:

Onyx Oblivion:
what's the plot like?

Have you ever seen an episode of ATHF?

Plot is an afterthought.

Well, there's gotta be SOME reason they're playing golf and fighting.

Onyx Oblivion:

Well, there's gotta be SOME reason they're playing golf and fighting.

Actually, this being based on the show it is, it's very possible that there isn't.

For some reason I'm tempted to hunt this game down and play it... DAMN my curiosity!

Onyx Oblivion:
what's the plot like?

There is no plot. Shake just steals a car and goes golfing, and then there are a bunch of cameos from the show.

Hubilub:

Onyx Oblivion:
what's the plot like?

There is no plot. Shake just steals a car and goes golfing, and then there are a bunch of cameos from the show.

No. That's a plot. "Steals a car and goes golfing" is a plot.

I remember there was a game on the ATHF movie website that was called "Go Right" and all you could do was go right, you couldn't even go left. That game was obviously supposed to be shit though.

Onyx Oblivion:

Hubilub:

Onyx Oblivion:
what's the plot like?

There is no plot. Shake just steals a car and goes golfing, and then there are a bunch of cameos from the show.

No. That's a plot. "Steals a car and goes golfing" is a plot.

Fine, there's a plot. It just sucks.

Onyx Oblivion:

Hubilub:

Onyx Oblivion:
what's the plot like?

There is no plot. Shake just steals a car and goes golfing, and then there are a bunch of cameos from the show.

No. That's a plot. "Steals a car and goes golfing" is a plot.

There is, on the other hand, no spoon.

Onyx Oblivion:

Furburt:

Onyx Oblivion:
what's the plot like?

Have you ever seen an episode of ATHF?

Plot is an afterthought.

Well, there's gotta be SOME reason they're playing golf and fighting.

The golfing has a tiiiny little reason. Frylock gets a letter about him being accepted into a golf-club. Then Shake goes golfing. The fighting is completely random though.

Liking the review style. It entertains me on these cold, wet British days.

To be honest however, it sounds like the only golf game I'd consider playing. Beating people or things or whatever to death with a golf club sounds fun. But then again, a GTA game, can't remember what one, already has that angle covered. So I'll give this a miss.

Your sacrifice is appreciated, Hub.

HUBILUB: Playing shitty golf games, so you don't have to.

Why didn't they just make a game about you just going around killing things? Then getting to ride Ultra Mega Chicken! Not a gulf game! Dear jesus lord in hell!

I agree with all your points Hubilub.

Sassafrass:
Liking the review style. It entertains me on these cold, wet British days.

To be honest however, it sounds like the only golf game I'd consider playing. Beating people or things or whatever to death with a golf club sounds fun. But then again, a GTA game, can't remember what one, already has that angle covered. So I'll give this a miss.

Im pretty sure it was Vice city.

Sassafrass:
Liking the review style. It entertains me on these cold, wet British days.

To be honest however, it sounds like the only golf game I'd consider playing. Beating people or things or whatever to death with a golf club sounds fun. But then again, a GTA game, can't remember what one, already has that angle covered. So I'll give this a miss.

That's the thing. It SOUNDS like a good premise. Going around, kicking ass while playing golf.

But the combat is so damn broken. Just thinking about it makes me want to..... GAAAAH!

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SWEDEN RAGE!

BlueInkAlchemist:
Your sacrifice is appreciated, Hub.

HUBILUB: Playing shitty golf games, so you don't have to.

I believe that calls for a motivation poster.

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Hubilub:

But the combat is so damn broken. Just thinking about it makes me want to..... GAAAAH!

SWEDEN RAGE!

I wouldn't do that too often, you'll burn up Sweden's rage stockpiles!

Furburt:

BlueInkAlchemist:
Your sacrifice is appreciated, Hub.

HUBILUB: Playing shitty golf games, so you don't have to.

I believe that calls for a motivation poster.

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Hubilub:

But the combat is so damn broken. Just thinking about it makes me want to..... GAAAAH!

SWEDEN RAGE!

I wouldn't do that too often, you'll burn up Sweden's rage stockpiles!

Your motivational poster is fail!

Hubilub:

Your motivational poster is fail!

Yeah, they delete it after a few hours. Still, it worked when it did.

It was just that picture of you and the caption said "HUBILUB: Playing shitty golf games, so you don't have to."

Nothing special.

Furburt:

Hubilub:

Your motivational poster is fail!

Yeah, they delete it after a few hours. Still, it worked when it did.

It was just that picture of you and the caption said "HUBILUB: Playing shitty golf games, so you don't have to."

Nothing special.

I WANT ANOTHER ONE!

Now please.

Fairly good review, although I could kind of guess it would be crap
Also, I made a working Motivational posterimage

Hubilub:

I WANT ANOTHER ONE!

Now please.

*sigh*

Fine.

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Furburt:

Hubilub:

I WANT ANOTHER ONE!

Now please.

*sigh*

Fine.

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Ah, I remember when I was a child...

*Flashback*

Baby Hubilub: WUAH! WUAH! Baby Hubilub is hungry! Somebody fetch me a nipple!

Hubilub:

Ah, I remember when I was a child...

*Flashback*

Baby Hubilub: WUAH! WUAH! Baby Hubilub is hungry! Somebody fetch me a nipple!

Gah! Vietnam flashbacks are preferable to that!

Furburt:

Hubilub:

Ah, I remember when I was a child...

*Flashback*

Baby Hubilub: WUAH! WUAH! Baby Hubilub is hungry! Somebody fetch me a nipple!

Gah! Vietnam flashbacks are preferable to that!

Vietnam flashbacks you say?

*Vietnam flashback*

Hubilub: WUAH! WUAH! Somebody fetch me a nipple!

Hubilub:

Vietnam flashbacks you say?

*Vietnam flashback*

Hubilub: WUAH! WUAH! Somebody fetch me an M16! I've got Commi's Commies to kill!

There you go.

Furburt:

Hubilub:

Vietnam flashbacks you say?

*Vietnam flashback*

Hubilub: WUAH! WUAH! Somebody fetch me an M16! I've got Commi's Commies to kill!

There you go.

That's not how I remember it...

Hubilub:

That's not how I remember it...

Are we thinking of the same Vietnam war here?

I believe there was only one, but I may be wrong.

Furburt:

Hubilub:

That's not how I remember it...

Are we thinking of the same Vietnam war here?

I believe there was only one, but I may be wrong.

Mine had Robert De Niro and Christopher Walken.

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