Removed

I have removed my words from this site.

Eh, what the hell. I'll comment on this. Partly out of sympathy for your plight, partly out of thanks for linking my (three-month old) review in here (which, going back to reread, is incredibly choppy...). So: what the hey. Comment ahoy!

My thoughts tend to gel with your thoughts on this "portfolio" as well as on the maker himself. I don't agree with every point, but I understand that that's due solely to personal taste.

As far as the grammar goes, it's great (assuming that English wasn't a primary language of yours), but does stand to use some improvement. The only thing that really jumps out at me is the missing apostrophes when you use the possessive case (i.e., "Cleril's Efforts"), but other than that the writing's pretty good. Another proofread probably would have been good, though, as you misspelled "deaths" once in the review (as "deats"), and you forgot to capitalize Damocles in the same sentence.

Formatting: I like the use of the inline pictures, although I feel you could've used another one to break up that wall of text in the second section. It would be nice if you also stuck with a consistent markup when referring to the creator (maybe bold, with user tags on the first instance), and then referred to the character using unmarked text. You seem to be using a mix of bold, plain, and italicized text for the former, which is a little annoying. I also think that the arbitrary scores are a little out of place, as (because of their arbitrary nature) they don't really make sense.

As a final note, the program that was used to make these games (Enterbrain's RPG Maker VX) has a free 30-day trial, so you can always give your hand at trying to replicate and improve on these ideas at your leisure (but the $60 price tag might be a bit steep after 30 days...). Coding experience would help to make the most out of the engine and the events it can perform (as well as providing customization, but that's all done in Ruby), but prior experience isn't necessary. It helps, though.

Defend my writing? Why would I ever do such a thing? :P

I find each review to be fair and I do like how you put the games in the respective timeline the Haven universe has, even if you didn't intend to do that.

When I say 30 minutes for The Fall(en) I meant that most players have had that time when they "finished" the "game." I personally had 15-20 minutes playtime with it but I made so you can't use me as a test dummy. I am kind of saddened that you think The Fall(en) is a failed experiment since many have liked it so in the general scope of things I figure it was worth making. In all honesty though I made The Fall(en) when I got bored working on Haven for a time. Note the 9 hours of work that went into The Fall(en) while 250+ went into Haven. Granted Haven is my first game so that 250+ was spent learning VX while making Haven.

Review wise The Fall(en) was an interesting read and I do agree that your idea may have been better but at the same time it contradicts one of the messages in The Fall(en), that you are alone in this world. You always will be. Every person the character mentions may not even exist and you, the player, wouldn't even know it. He could be mentally unstable, imagining these people, or maybe he's lonely. I'll digress but The Fall(en) has themes like that strewn about it, you just have to look really close.

I'd say Haven is my magnum opus as well since it most closely relates personally to me. Cleril is my pen name and alter-ego I use for roleplaying by the way, if you wanted a definite answer. The poetry mostly found in Haven is my early work and that one book you speak of features my epic called "The Poet." I'm surprised you thought the library was scary though, I can see how it is but I intended the insomnia oriented quests to be the horror elements of Haven along with that one main story quest....you know, the one with drugs.

I'd say the writing is mixed due to me simply typing everything on the spot with no plan. I honestly think that the first dialogue with The Jester in Haven 2 is 10x better than anything Haven offered. Maybe I'm just optimistic but know that I am physically writing everything for Haven 2 before typing it up, to give it a more natural flow perhaps. We'll know if it worked when I release a demo.

The thing about Existentialist writings, or at least mine, is that you have to look at the sub-text, or things I don't say in the poem. For every message given is a message hidden. If I tell you that you are alone in this world then the hidden message to that is that how can you be alone when your in the company of yourself? It's absurd! See? It may be hard to understand, it's certainly hard to make concrete examples of it but again, for every message given is a message hidden.

I've had about 50/50 people be scared from Peekaboo and many frustrated by the deaths, but I plan to update it eventually with a "continue" option so that you don't have to load a save or start a new game.

You have a very good point about the climax of Peekaboo, about the final bit being rather calm. The only thing I can say about it is that it is my first time voice acting and I can't exactly scream at my computer when my parents are home. I was also going for an ominous tone with the other character, whom I won't spoil what he is. The point of Peekaboo though was to tell a story mainly through sound and puzzles, not text, therefore taking writing out of the equation somewhat. It's subjective yes but I do have backstory regarding the mansion, I can even show you the link between that little kid in the prison from Haven to the Halloway mansion in Peekaboo.

I'll do so in a message if you'd like to know about all the details, they are there, you just have to think or notice them.

This was a very solid read and I have no real complaints, other than the switching of Cleril the character to Cleril the designer stuffs but really, they're one in the same. You also could of used another picture in the Haven segment as Heart of Darkness stated, bit of walk of text syndrome there.

Oh and regarding the 6th reference thing you have there, perhaps I meant to show that Cleril isn't like anyone else, perhaps he doesn't care for introductions, or maybe he just likes to fool himself into thinking he sounds intelligent by putting it that way.

I have removed my words from this site.

joethekoeller:
Well, crikey. Hello there Hermes Conrad, thanks for deciding to comment.

No problem, mon.

Darn, possesive case, my old nemesis! The one thing about the english language that doesn't come natural to me yet. Sadly it's currently either publishing reviews or proofreading, haven't really got enough free time left for both. Or play reviewing material. Or fun, for that matter.

Heh, I know the feeling. Since I'm done with the semester, I'm a bit more relaxed, but I've still haven't done anything productive. Hell, I still haven't finished FFX, which I started about a month ago.

But yeah, possessive case is tricky. Especially with words that end in "s." *shudder*

Sadly I have to point about my lack of time again. I'm intrigued though, I might actually give it a shot, at least once I come along some free time to truly make the most of the free trial month. Thanks for your input.

Again, no prob. The program itself is pretty straightforward to use, but it does take some getting used to. Fortunately, there are communities that focus on using this program (and its predecessors), so you could get a lot of help. Or just do what I did and faff about by yourself.

And again, no problem, mon. Now, if you excuse me, I have some paperwork to do for my interplanetary shipping company. [/lie]

joethekoeller:

Cleril:
Defend my writing? Why would I ever do such a thing? :P

I find each review to be fair and I do like how you put the games in the respective timeline the Haven universe has, even if you didn't intend to do that.

Completely accidental. I reviewed them in the order I played them.

When I say 30 minutes for The Fall(en) I meant that most players have had that time when they "finished" the "game." I personally had 15-20 minutes playtime with it but I made so you can't use me as a test dummy. I am kind of saddened that you think The Fall(en) is a failed experiment since many have liked it so in the general scope of things I figure it was worth making.

I, too would say it was well worth making. To my mind it's a failed experiment, but that's still a lot better than not experimenting at all. It's not all horrible either, just a little to insubstantial.

In all honesty though I made The Fall(en) when I got bored working on Haven for a time. Note the 9 hours of work that went into The Fall(en) while 250+ went into Haven. Granted Haven is my first game so that 250+ was spent learning VX while making Haven.

Review wise The Fall(en) was an interesting read and I do agree that your idea may have been better but at the same time it contradicts one of the messages in The Fall(en), that you are alone in this world. You always will be. Every person the character mentions may not even exist and you, the player, wouldn't even know it. He could be mentally unstable, imagining these people, or maybe he's lonely. I'll digress but The Fall(en) has themes like that strewn about it, you just have to look really close.

There's plenty of problems with that kind of deep and extremely well hidden messages: Firstly about 90% of players will miss them. Whether they're not going in with the right mindset, have to rush through because they don't have a lot of time or are just thick, they probably wont even note the effort. And the few that do notice can never be to sure whether that subtext was even intentional. I mean, were talking about a very deep level here. Maybe he is lonely, maybe he is imagining, maybe he's overreacting, maybe it's just a story somebody writes, maybe he's wrong to consider suicide, maybe it's the better option: Which of these are signal, which noise and how can the player ever know which of these possible explanations were intended by you and as such "correct" or completely accidental. These conclusions aren't drawn from information given to you in whatever coded or hidden form, but created based on far too little information to even make a sensible guess about whether or not your on the right track.

Think back to school. It was always an option to come up with a different explanation or interpretation, but the teacher would then always ask "What do you base this on", "What parts of the text suggest this".

I'd say Haven is my magnum opus as well since it most closely relates personally to me. Cleril is my pen name and alter-ego I use for roleplaying by the way, if you wanted a definite answer. The poetry mostly found in Haven is my early work and that one book you speak of features my epic called "The Poet." I'm surprised you thought the library was scary though, I can see how it is but I intended the insomnia oriented quests to be the horror elements of Haven along with that one main story quest....you know, the one with drugs.

I found these crazed, hallucination-based quest to be less scary than bizarre. They were odd and completely whacked out, but the utter and clear clench between them and reality alienated any sense of fear about what was going on. The library, by contrast, that was before I lost my intrigue about the game. The writing was among the best the game ever featured, the plotling one of the most interesting and it featured a bit of that linearity I so missed. I wasn't straight out shocked or trembling at any point, but it was a generally creepy experience.

I'd say the writing is mixed due to me simply typing everything on the spot with no plan. I honestly think that the first dialogue with The Jester in Haven 2 is 10x better than anything Haven offered. Maybe I'm just optimistic but know that I am physically writing everything for Haven 2 before typing it up, to give it a more natural flow perhaps. We'll know if it worked when I release a demo.

The thing about Existentialist writings, or at least mine, is that you have to look at the sub-text, or things I don't say in the poem. For every message given is a message hidden. If I tell you that you are alone in this world then the hidden message to that is that how can you be alone when your in the company of yourself? It's absurd! See? It may be hard to understand, it's certainly hard to make concrete examples of it but again, for every message given is a message hidden.

See pre-previous.

I've had about 50/50 people be scared from Peekaboo and many frustrated by the deaths, but I plan to update it eventually with a "continue" option so that you don't have to load a save or start a new game.

You have a very good point about the climax of Peekaboo, about the final bit being rather calm. The only thing I can say about it is that it is my first time voice acting and I can't exactly scream at my computer when my parents are home. I was also going for an ominous tone with the other character, whom I won't spoil what he is. The point of Peekaboo though was to tell a story mainly through sound and puzzles, not text, therefore taking writing out of the equation somewhat. It's subjective yes but I do have backstory regarding the mansion, I can even show you the link between that little kid in the prison from Haven to the Halloway mansion in Peekaboo.

That part I already figured out.

I'll do so in a message if you'd like to know about all the details, they are there, you just have to think or notice them.

This was a very solid read and I have no real complaints, other than the switching of Cleril the character to Cleril the designer stuffs but really, they're one in the same. You also could of used another picture in the Haven segment as Heart of Darkness stated, bit of walk of text syndrome there.

Oh and regarding the 6th reference thing you have there, perhaps I meant to show that Cleril isn't like anyone else, perhaps he doesn't care for introductions, or maybe he just likes to fool himself into thinking he sounds intelligent by putting it that way.

No worries, I can identify with your position: You created this thing, that you're very passionate about. Part of you almost. Then somebody comes along and gets it wrong, tears it apart and complains about it, completely missing the point. Judging by that you behaved.

And I sure look forward to all the people reading my review by your suggestion.

Actually it was random for me to. The three games just happened to come out in a way that logically works in a timeline. I didn't plan it in all honesty. :P

The Fall(en) was meant to be insubstantial in terms of depth and complexity. I intended it to be a simple game because suicide is a simple thing, a person kills themselves, simple, no?

That is a good point but to me when I make these games it's like a poem or prose I'm writing so to me these messages are there or rather, not there, depending on your view point. One player mentioned that they felt The Fall(en) was a test of their moral character. I personally never thought of it that way. See? Even I miss messages the game has.

The point is that there is no right track, it's a spur of the moment thing that meant to give you food for thought. Like Poetry.

Well I did not intend for the drug quest to be scary but freaky yes. In any case I clearly make niche games. You like linearity, clearly, there's not much of that I work with. Haven 2 is less open-world but has more replay value, if that strikes your linearity desires.

I won't comment to much about the games, becuase I may or may not be fancying up my own version of this sooner or (most likely) later. Though it is funny that you reviewed them in order of how much I enjoyed them. And the comment you had about the horror genre, which hit very close to home.

As for the review aspect, Heart of Darkness covered what I wanted to say about the use of the Character's name and the creator as well as the apostrophe mishaps, especially the glaring one at the start.

The other thing that bugged me was your use of footnotes, which seems to be increasing with every review. 6,7,8 were the only ones that I found amusing/necessary, the other ones seemed very pointless or could have easily been integrated into the review. Most footnotes weren't very humorous, and when you play into effect how choppy the Escapist is when you click on them having 10 of them is annoying.

Overall I found the Haven review the best one of the bunch, and I liked the Arbitrary Score systems, those where amusing.

Pimppeter2:
I won't comment to much about the games, becuase I may or may not be fancying up my own version of this sooner or (most likely) later. Though it is funny that you reviewed them in order of how much I enjoyed them. And the comment you had about the horror genre, which hit very close to home.

As for the review aspect, Heart of Darkness covered what I wanted to say about the use of the Character's name and the creator as well as the apostrophe mishaps, especially the glaring one at the start.

The other thing that bugged me was your use of footnotes, which seems to be increasing with every review. 6,7,8 were the only ones that I found amusing/necessary, the other ones seemed very pointless or could have easily been integrated into the review. Most footnotes weren't very humorous, and when you play into effect how choppy the Escapist is when you click on them having 10 of them is annoying.

Overall I found the Haven review the best one of the bunch, and I liked the Arbitrary Score systems, those where amusing.

I agree, the Haven one is the best, then Peekaboo, then The Fall(en), in order of best to worst review. All of them are good, just a matter of enjoyment.

As for you Pimppeter2....I have a lot of cookies for you if you happen to do what you mentioned....

I'd love you...forever and ever and ever and ever....

These games look like they would be fun to give a short run, but judging by the reviews, it seems that the main thing they are lacking is some extra stages of planning in preproduction as you (Cleril) seem to be on the right track and look more than capable of making a great game, but the games need that extra polish.

EDIT: as for the review, it seemed pretty comprehensive but the footnotes shouldn't have been so far down the page.

rabidmidget:
These games look like they would be fun to give a short run, but judging by the reviews, it seems that the main thing they are lacking is some extra stages of planning in preproduction as you (Cleril) seem to be on the right track and look more than capable of making a great game, but the games need that extra polish.

EDIT: as for the review, it seemed pretty comprehensive but the footnotes shouldn't have been so far down the page. Personally I wish the review had been worse, so I could have replied "The horror, the horror", as that's the only heart of darkness joke I can think of.

We'll see what happens with Haven 2 then....I'm putting a lot of polish on that and doing extra planning. Thanks for the compliment! :D

I Would have to agree with the writing, It does how seem a little broken up at times, and ya I was having trouble working out the Rhyme and Reason on Peekaboo, That being said I am enjoying it but wish it had a little more interactivity too.

That doesn't pull away from the fun that much but dampens the experience some. I'm always available for ideas if Cleril needs any and id be happy to beta test also if he would like that

I Have not commented fully yet as I have to get through Haven yet

I have removed my words from this site.

Kouen:
I Would have to agree with the writing, It does how seem a little broken up at times, and ya I was having trouble working out the Rhyme and Reason on Peekaboo, That being said I am enjoying it but wish it had a little more interactivity too.

That doesn't pull away from the fun that much but dampens the experience some. I'm always available for ideas if Cleril needs any and id be happy to beta test also if he would like that

I Have not commented fully yet as I have to get through Haven yet

Well the concept of Peekaboo was to tell a story mainly through sound and the puzzles, not text.

I certainly don't need ideas, just time. Though I appreciate the thought. ;)

I have removed my words from this site.

joethekoeller:
Incidentally, I have certain plans with the next "Niche Appeal", so don't be too surprised when there's none here next sunday.

This is going to take me a little longer.

It's gonna be big.

Looking forward to it, am I kissing up? Possibly, maybe I'm just a nice person. :P

 

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