Pimpin Reviews: Toy Soldiers -(Summer Bash Part 3 of 16)-

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Pimpin Reviews: Toy Soldiers

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-Any reply that says "TL;DR" that is not a sarcastic response and I will lose it.
-Another shorty
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Toy Soldiers
Platform: Xbox 360
Genre: Real Time Strategy, Tower Defense
Modes: Single Player/Multiplayer
Developer: Signal Studios

I'll admit something a bit embarrassing here; I was never allowed to play with those tiny green army men. Being a child of immigrants, my mother was incredibly susceptible to what I have officially coined "parental gossip science." You know the type; the one that makes parents think more than an hour in front of the television will kill you or that texting will automatically give you arthritis. Combine that with my obsession with videogames and egocentric personality and my poor parents thought that I was about seven years from homicide.

In fact, the one Nerf Gun I owned was confiscated merely days after receiving it, despite having lost the foamy bullets within hours. Regardless, this evidence is evidently[1] not enough to qualify as "crimes against humanity" and the international courts refuse to hear my testimony against their cruel and unusual punishment. Where am I going with this increasingly bizarre anecdote? Why, that you should totally buy the XBLA hit game Toy Soldiers.

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Tonight, we dine, in HELL

While most current generation games try to impress with realistic graphics and effects, Toy Soldiers tries its very hardest to reach into that gentle cartoonish part of out childhood. The game places you at the head of an army of toy soldiers, as you battle your way through the World War II's less popular older brother World War I (1914-1918). The soldiers themselves are purposely reminiscent of bulky toy soldier figures that were common-place in the average child's toy barrel in the 80's and 90's, but that isn't the only way the game charms itself through our living rooms. The menu screen sports a gramophone melodiously playing in the back ground, and the loading screens feature old style up beat toy commercials. From start to finish everything is simply pleasant.

Part RTS, part Tower Defense game, the aim of each and every game is to keep hostiles out of your main base, which is in the form of a Toy Box. Players start the game with a set amount of cash to spend on units to control and the amount increases with every enemy killed. Different types of units are unlocked thought the game, and upgrades are available to increase the effectiveness. Protecting your Toy Box is the key objective, and the player must strategically place his units and defenses in a way that limits the enemies attempts at breaching. Doing this isn't very difficult for someone with even a tiny amount of military knowledge and a bit of common sense. As a breath of fresh air, the game also allows you to jump straight into the first person view of your sweaty trench foot infected boots of your soldiers. Though describing it that way may have made it instantly less appealing. From infantry men, to mortar cannons, to the occasional plane or tank, players can jump into the action at will. This tactic is often vital to wining battles, so mastering it is important especially on higher difficulty settings.

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*Insert obligatory penis joke here*

The game spans a lengthy 24 missions; half with the British attempting to out wit the Kaiser and half with the Germans trying to overpower old George's platoon. Playing through the British parts unlock the German parts, so be sure not to miss out. Mission objectives are often unique and varied, and sometimes even feature a boss battle like a Zeppelin. Each level sports a handful of optional goals to spice up the action and the hardest difficulty setting forces you to be in and out of control of each unit. Completing a mission adds it to an online leader board, offering incentive for multiple playthroughs. Loading screens are a bit rough, and a couple missions get a bit grindy as you patiently prepare for another wave of baddies. But in the later missions where you face different offenses on multiple fronts the game is frantic and immensely fun.

The battle fields aren't always that large, but they sure are beautiful. The game is played from a child's perspective, if you pan the camera far enough you can see a the rest of the room. The fields are littered with little plastic trees and other such terrain enhancers. Of course, the use of toy soldiers means that there is no blood and lives seem more expendable. Recreating the greatest battles of the war becomes one heck of a past time once again.

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Bombs away!

The multiplayer is even more involving. Creating a big bad defensive base is always fun, but launching multiple attacks from your trenches is where the real thrill is. Watching your latest offensive make its way through the "No Mans Land" only to get mowed down by a mortar shell is heartbreaking, but it only encourages the player to try harder next time. Playing with a buddy on split screen is even more fun, and I haven't seen so much embarrassingly bad racial smack talk since our last FIFA World Cup simulation tournament.

Toy Soldiers is some of the most entertaining time I've had with my Xbox. It's quirky, charming, and thrilling; all for a fraction of the price of a full length title. From RTS veterans like myself to novices to the genre, it's a game that anyone can pick up and enjoy. I would have never expected the Xbox Live Arcade to make such a splash in my gaming inventory, but Toy Soldiers is a must have. If you'll excuse me, the Germans are planning their last desperate offense, and you can't exactly depend on the French to stop them.


Disclosures: This game was obtained via [Download from XBLA] and reviewed on the [Xbox 360]. Approximately [12 hours] of play was devoted to single-player modes completed 1 time, and [6 hours] dedicated to the online component.

HIGH: Flanking those silly Germans

LOW: Unforgivable loading times

WTF: DLC to pay as the French? HAHAHA

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[1] Punny

You're going to Review Supernatural?

Hell, I could do that for you.

I also loved the game to pieces. I didn't know there was DLC, however, or was that just a joke at the Frenches expense? But good review, just like all of them, and happy German killing time.

Argh! Damn you Pimppeter! I remember playing this game, I remember the fun, and above all I remember being GOOD at it.

However, since I haven't had the money to replace my bricked xbox i've been without this wonderful little game...

And now, they'res probobly a really skilled korean guy, waiting, to tottaly whoop my ass the next time I log on with a coordinated infantry/mortar strike.

Still, Excellent review, as usual.

Dr. wonderful:
You're going to Review Supernatural?

Hell, I could do that for you.

Haha, if you want to :P

CloggedDonkey:
I also loved the game to pieces. I didn't know there was DLC, however, or was that just a joke at the Frenches expense? But good review, just like all of them, and happy German killing time.

DLC is coming out on the 7th, you get some more missions as the French

Sir Kemper:
Argh! Damn you Pimppeter! I remember playing this game, I remember the fun, and above all I remember being GOOD at it.

However, since I haven't had the money to replace my bricked xbox i've been without this wonderful little game...

And now, they'res probobly a really skilled korean guy, waiting, to tottaly whoop my ass the next time I log on with a coordinated infantry/mortar strike.

Still, Excellent review, as usual.

Haha, probably. Thanks for commenting.

Pimppeter2:

In fact, the one Nerf Gun I owned was confiscated merely days after receiving it, despite having lost the foamy bullets within hours.

Didnt we all?

A very nice review, though I havent actually played this one myself, but I watched the entire game played from start to finish as I waited for the Reach Beta to download. It looked quite enjoyable and is on my TO GET list which is sadly too big for that to be a reality in the near future.

Also: ACK I MISSED ONE!!!!

blinkgun96:
A very nice review, though I havent actually played this one myself, but I watched the entire game played from start to finish as I waited for the Reach Beta to download. It looked quite enjoyable and is on my TO GET list which is sadly too big for that to be a reality in the near future.

Thanks! And you should see my "to get list", not to mention that every couple of months I have to replay Oblivion.

so what about the gameplay?

veloper:
so what about the gameplay?

I covered the gameplay. 4th paragraph.

Pimppeter2:

veloper:
so what about the gameplay?

I covered the gameplay. 4th paragraph.

more than just a few lines would've been nice.

veloper:

Pimppeter2:

veloper:
so what about the gameplay?

I covered the gameplay. 4th paragraph.

more than just a few lines would've been nice.

This review is on the short side, there wasn't much for me tmove it somewhere, and it does the work for you.

EDIT: I mean, I'll add stuff if it bothers you, but I try to review with the least amount of words possible needed to cover everything I want to say.

First, poor french they can have balls of steel at times. Anyway good review, I always considered buying this game but I decided on getting Castle Crashers instead, I think I made the right choice.

I keep hearing about these great little games from XBLA, and it seems to me that they would be one of the best reasons to get a 360.

Nice review, as usual.

Demon ID:
First, poor french they can have balls of steel at times. Anyway good review, I always considered buying this game but I decided on getting Castle Crashers instead, I think I made the right choice.

From what I played in the Demo, CC really didn't appeal to me.

Thanks for the comment.

Tharwen:
I keep hearing about these great little games from XBLA, and it seems to me that they would be one of the best reasons to get a 360.

Nice review, as usual.

Thank you!

Wait you can unlock German Missions??? But on topic good review

Great review as usual! I was waiting for this Mr. Pimp.
just remember, I fucking beat you to it! MWUAHAHAHA-
*AHEM*
But...yah...great review.

Skullkid4187:
Wait you can unlock German Missions??? But on topic good review

Thanks, and yes. It unlocks Campaign+ which lets you play as the Germans.

BloodyThoughts:
Great review as usual! I was waiting for this Mr. Pimp.
just remember, I fucking beat you to it! MWUAHAHAHA-
*AHEM*
But...yah...great review.

You blasted ninja!

Haha jk Thanks for commenting.

Good shorty review, I've always been on the fence about buying this game, but perhaps after I buy some more MS Points it will be something I look into.

Very nice, Pimptastic. It's funny, I was just wondering if there were any decent games about WW1 and here we are. Very nice, brief yet informative and you're still weird as fuck (that's a good thing). Me likey. Now tell my wife to pick up eggs on her way home.

Pimppeter2:
Playing with a buddy on split screen is even more fun, and I haven't seen so much embarrassingly bad racial smack talk since our last FIFA World Cup simulation tournament.

That line made me Lol.

The game itself looks fun, But like all RTS's, It looks infuriating.

The only RTS game i play now is RA2, And i still punch walls when i realise that ive left the tinest gap in my defences and a load of tanks are destroying my base and there is nothing i can do about it.

Lost In The Void:
Good shorty review, I've always been on the fence about buying this game, but perhaps after I buy some more MS Points it will be something I look into.

You wont regret it, now get beck to the RP! :P

Swollen Goat:
Very nice, Pimptastic. It's funny, I was just wondering if there were any decent games about WW1 and here we are. Very nice, brief yet informative and you're still weird as fuck (that's a good thing). Me likey. Now tell my wife to pick up eggs on her way home.

Haha, thanks. I'll tell her as soon as she gets out of the shower.

Insanum:

Pimppeter2:
Playing with a buddy on split screen is even more fun, and I haven't seen so much embarrassingly bad racial smack talk since our last FIFA World Cup simulation tournament.

That line made me Lol.

The game itself looks fun, But like all RTS's, It looks infuriating.

The only RTS game i play now is RA2, And i still punch walls when i realise that ive left the tinest gap in my defences and a load of tanks are destroying my base and there is nothing i can do about it.

Thanks, maybe this will appeal more because of the ability to jump into the action.

 

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