Now I have in fact been playing quite a bit of Xbox Live games lately and I just decide to pop over to here just to talk (By which I mean complain) about the ones I played the most.
I am Alive
Now I know Yahtzee has already reviewed this but I couldn't keep my hands off it, The reviewing part anyway because every time I played the game I wanted to throw my controller through the TV screen then at the closet random oxygen breathing thing to me. The story SUCKS The controls SUCK even more. I couldn't rap my mind around it, you left your wife and child for some random reason now that the worlds in complete turmoil of course you want to go back, but what do you know their gone. There gone so why don't we go across the entire fucking planet just to get to them even though a large chunk of falling building will most likely kill you all anyway. The little girl was probably the worst part "Waaaahhh, I can't find my mommy." oh great another annoying little bastard that just complains the entire game, Now we get to listen to the little girl and random survivors that want random arbitrary things. "How the hell am I supposed to find this!?" I was screaming this through out the entire game and by entire game I mean until I finished getting medicine for the whinny little child. I quit half way through when I tried saving the survivor that was trapped on the roof but then three very burly men turned around the corner that's when I said "Fuck this I'm going to go play Plants Vs. Zombies."
Plants vs. Zombies
Yes, I have been playing quite a bit of this actually. Why, because I was freaking bored and it looked like fun. The first thing, how in the hell are plants supposed to fend of zombies? Well what should you expect from a PopCap game, with the games they make it looks like they took as much LSD as the Beatles and then said to themselves "Hey I know lets make a game about plants fighting zombies!". The gameplay was basic plant sunflower here then peashooter here then wall-nut here then holy crap it's all of a sudden batshit crazy. The worst part of this game was the puns on the names with names like 'Zomboni,Peashooter,RePEAter,Wall-nut' it made me want to jam a glass bottle of jelly then peanut butter then an entire loaf of bread down my throat all at once just to get the horrible taste of bad pun out of my mouth. The one thing I did like about it was the soundtrack it didn't actually sound half bad the only thing was it was completely monotonous and extremely cheery. The mini-games were ok with quick time game every time. Playing it felt like I was about to have a heart attack.
Extremely Twisted Shadow Planet
Now this game was released awhile ago but I couldn't keep my hands away from my keyboard to continue typing. The story of the game is you are a little alien that flies around in his spaceship trying to save his planet from the Insanely Twisted Shadow one right next door. The tutorial starts you out with a gun and that's about it. It teaches you the controls which aren't as choppy as I expected thank god. Point is your planet is being taken over by the Shadow one again right next door. (You'd think with an extremely intelligent race of aliens you would expect them to say this "Ooooh that looks bad we should go colonize somewhere else." but no instead they say "Hey look that place looks insanely twisted and shadowy why don't we live right next to it.") anyway back to the point after your world is about to get taken over you fly away to go and stop this evil beast. Yes that's right the planet is actually a monster not a planet. So you fly in and try to stop it while packing your spaceship with as much junk as you can. So you have to fly through about five different areas getting upgrades so conveniently placed right next to things you need to use it on to go and kill the monster at the center. It was Insane, Twisted, Shadowy, and not a Planet, but I found it fun enough to beat.
so all in all
I Am Alive: 2/10
Plants Vs. Zombies: 5/10
Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet: 3/10
If there are any spelling mistakes I apologize