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Poll: FLUX REVIEWS present : DREDD

impassively presents:


So I walked into Dredd, not knowing a single thing and I left pretty much the same way. The whole movie was pretty vague. Maybe it's because I enjoy the why aspect. But the movie starts out with a dystopian future where the police force has consolidated its power over sentencing criminal and yet only covers about 6% of the crime in the city. Really? 6%? How does this city even function? Said city is supposed to cover an enormous amount of land from Boston to Washington.

You know in a city where only 6% of the crime is ever dealt with I would imagine that a lot of people would be more crime oriented but apparently only 2% of the populations have jobs. I don't want to go into why this couldn't work, really don't but I am so compelled to do so. But I won't.

So Dredd is an ultimate badass cop who takes names and chews gum, well I'm not sure about the gum part. He really seems to favor the puns he makes. He is also genetically engineered to only be able to communicate with the use of medium weak to okay one liner. He has yet to reach the mythic hilariously derailing one-liner but a meat slab can dream cant he?
During the course of the movie Dredd must supervise the final exam of a young commander Jane Shepard jasdkasdfghj I mean Captain Anderson played by Olivia Thirlby. I MEAN JUDGE ANDERSON. Damn it.

Both of them have a lovely time bickering over their personal view before skipping off to a super block apartment to deal with what seems like triple suicide. But NO it was all orchestrated by the notorious MA-MA, whom is not related to yo yo ma in any way. MAMA then traps the judges inside the super apartment complex and proceeds to try to kill them. Which seems like a lot of work for someone with so much power, you think she'd just let them go and then have them assassinated or something? It's not like she couldn't hire some out to off the guy. Did I mention that his neck is always exposed? One bullet to the neck and then Dredd will be eliminating crime from the local long term care facility in his rocket powered wheel chair, wait that sounds really cool.

Anderson and Dredd make their way up the apartments, wait did I mention everyone in the complex is Latino and Asian? What the fuck is up with that. Any how they leave the usual amount of blood and death behind them as to be expected in a gory action movie but then they discover that YO MAMA (oops) is actually the source supplier for a new drug sweeping the mega city. It's called sparkle happy times. That's exactly what's it called don't argue with me. It slows down time to 1/10 normal time. So it's like sitting through a class with a teacher whose highest hopes in life are to one day consume some animal shaped crackers. Or French class. When you take the drug everything becomes shiny and sparkly like getting the sparkle bonus is lollipop chainsaw. Rainbows and glitter rain down from the heavens like the sparkle text of a preteens MySpace page. It's beautiful. Like a tampon wrapper floating in the wind.
Wanting to prevent the spread of sparkles to the rest of the world, Dredd and Anderson make it their missions to defeat mama

I guess there's something I forgot to mention. Anderson ate her wheatys as a child and now had crazy psychic powers. She can sense a person's emotions and read their thoughts. This all goes out the window when a baddie manages to get the drop on her. As a psychic she should really be able to predict shit like that or hear the guy's thoughts before it happens at the very least.
All in all I had no fucking idea what was going on in this movie. Only after I left the theater did I find that it was a remake. Well go figure no wonder I was so bloody confused.
I give this movie a 6.9 /10 because of lack of robots and because it was pretty good all and all. If you're familiar with the original, then you're in for a treat. If you could honestly careless about that then prepare for an action move worthy of the title of action movie.


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