Ok, I'm trying something new here and suicidal. This is the tale of my last few months. I'm writing this in Microsoft Word, so at least it will have fewer errors than just writing this right here. (Please be merciful).

I was searching for something fun to do on the highway of the Internet. My friend called and said, "You should check this". He was talking about a presentation done by a prophet called Yahtzee. Since I had nothing to do that night. I took a detour on exit 46 and arrived at The Escapist camp. After l had searched for a five minutes, I've finally founded the presentation. I've sit awhile, since I had a cardboard box with the word "loading". Five seconds later, the song Hello Goodbye by the Beatles had popped up. The words "Halo 3 review" jumped to my face. A few seconds later, I was laughing my ass off. Right after that, it seems that the camp administrators left some videotapes of similar reviews, so I sat there and watched them all. For a few weeks, I camped each weeks at the Escapist camp, waiting for another presentation.

After week three, I noticed a part of the camp with plenty of small fireplaces called forums. The administrators said I need to subscribe to start a fire or go and talk with the other guys at another fireplace. Since I needed a name for my subscription, I thought since I'm going to give arguments to random places. I decided to call myself "Random Argument man".

I entered proudly in this section of the camp and I see a huge message board with rules. Since I'm stubborn sometime, I decided to ignore them. I started my own fire and started the discussion "Hardest Bosses". (It was located in the game discussion area). Without any introduction, people came and said their tale of hard bosses they've encountered in a game. It was fun till...

A random guy dressed in red outfit popped up. He arrived with a bucket full of water and decided to close my fire since I didn't had a proper introduction. Naturally, I was pissed. As I was walking out of the camp, I noticed that huge message board with the rules. After a short read, I actually understood why my fire was shut.

What I liked about my "séjour" at this camp. Mostly every person started nice fires and talked with a decent vocabulary. Some guys decided to rant so much, they got burn by their own fire. Since we have guys with bucket full of water, they actually decide to give them a warning. Some guys actually were kicked out of the camp. Most of the time, I was pretty happy they got burned.

I actually saw other presentations.
- I founded another presentation called "Unforgotten Realms". I couldn't help, but called it funny.
-I ran for my life after I've seen five minutes of two shows called "Video Game Theatre". I actually remember that I preferred Sesame Street to this. (No offense, but I hated it).
-And I watched Drawn By Pain and actually consider it good.

So far, the escapist camp had a lot of enjoyable stuff. I still had problems with the famous "search" option. It seems that sometime when I search for a fire, nothing comes. I didn't made a huge fuss about this. I usually arrive with a original subject for a fire. (At least, I think I do).

So there it is, my short tale of my experience at the escapist camp. I hope you liked it. Now I'm waiting for that huge hammer for telling the blasphemy

(By the way, I hope you liked the storytelling style).

I liked it, and I started the same way, camping ZP untill I stumbled blindly into the forums, in my first post I insulted half of the people here, so...

You overused the camp metaphor, you used periods when you meant to use commas, and you still had some errors. For example "I couldn't help, but called it funny." I can't understand what that sentence is trying to say. Do you mean I couldn't help but call it funny, or I couldn't help myself and called/thought it was funny?

About the camp metaphor: A metaphor running for a bit is OK. But turning an entire review into a metaphor just makes it a chore to decipher and gets in the way of the review.

Ok, I know I still have a grammar and structure problems.
By the way the metaphor idea has been already used to describe games. It's not original, but you don't see it very often.

I'm curious about what the Escapist thought about this.

Yeah that camp metaphor just falls apart. Plus the 3rd person I'm not keen on either.

Sorry to rag on you man, I don't mean it. Keep writing.

Save your grammar, I found it enjoyable. Maybe you could have tightened up the metaphor but not bad.

Wait? There are rules? How can I never have read these and never been banned at the same time?

PedroSteckecilo:
Wait? There are rules? How can I never have read these and never been banned at the same time?

I didn't read them, Its an internet forum, i know what goes and what doesn't.

You must just be sensible.

They aren't really rules, they're guidelines.

Your extended metaphor angers me!!

How dare you use literay techniques on the internet!!

Anyways, nice review. I didn't know we could actually review the site we are currently posting the reviews on.

SargentToughie:
I liked it, and I started the same way, camping ZP untill I stumbled blindly into the forums, in my first post I insulted half of the people here, so...

And now look at you! You've Gone Gonzo! You're part of the Escapist Elite! Truly, this is the Forum of Opportunity!

Limos:
Your extended metaphor angers me!!

How dare you use literay techniques on the internet!!

Anyways, nice review. I didn't know we could actually review the site we are currently posting the reviews on.

You can review pretty much anything you like, within reason. We don't really need a 10,000 word dissertation on your private parts or a comprehensive look at new spoon technologies, but if you've got an opinion on a book, movie, TV programme or even a website* then feel free to post a review of it!

*this list is not exhaustive. If it's media, it's ripe for a review**

**That didn't really need to be a footnote, sorry***

***This joke is getting old now, isn't it? I'll stop.

In a way, if I had stopped the metaphor, the review would of been "meh".
You know (I arrived here, watched ZP,Saw forums, got hit on the fingers, read the "guidelines", etc).

I just wanted to try a new style (3rd person view telling his story).
I thought of the Escapist, because I never actually saw a review of this place. (I just hope we won't see 10 reviews of the Escapist.) (I would have a feeling that I've give the chance for the "Me Too" syndrome to pop up)

Danzorz:

nilcypher:
They aren't really rules, they're guidelines.

They aren't rules in the same way that Serial killers are people that have committed alot of homicides. they're guidelines that if not followed you get punished for.. hmm what's a rule then?

let's not derail this thread with a discussion on moderator actions. If you have any queries or questions, feel free to send me a PM.

Oh, and for reference, a rule is a too used for measuring or drawing straight lines :P

We have articles, too!

Oops my bad. I will re-edit this when I come back from work.

The camp metaphor really started to lose its lustre after the second paragraph, and the lack mention of the actual magazine part left me confused. But I will have another read when you have fixed it.

That's pretty much the way I came in. Except for the fact that I kept reporting Wilson...

That is, until I discovered he was a mod. I shut up and started enjoying the forums for the community that resides within it.

Also: I haven't seen Drawn by Pain or Videogame Theatre...yet.

2na:
Yeah that camp metaphor just falls apart. Plus the 3rd person I'm not keen on either.

Sorry to rag on you man, I don't mean it. Keep writing.

He's not writing in the third person, he is still writing in the first person the whole way through.

Ok, first up, 3rd person is "John did this and that." Since you're using "I," it's still a first-person narrative.

I thought the camp metaphor was a creative way to share your experiences with the reader. (But, as Jordan pointed out, we're more than just ZP and forums. We have articles and columnists and a comic, too.)

The one issue I have is with the large number of typos and grammatical problems. They break up the flow and make your review difficult to read. Proofreading is a vital part of writing - no-one is always going to be perfect, but it's hard to find a single sentence in your review that doesn't have some spelling or grammar error. Go back, clean those up, and the reading experience will improve dramatically.

I really think that you should go and really brush up on your grammar if you want to pass yourself off as internet journalist. Yes the camp metaphor was creative. But that was not third person. It seemed more like you were writing your own verbal dialogue then simply writing an article.

I am aware that I frequently ignore these rules, but like Soldiers with PTSD, I have a habbit of not doing anything associated with bad experiences.

I'm trying to type a second part. A review for a site is hard.

Thank you for your opinion.

You are the second person (I know of) to write a review of The Escapist, and that guy got banned for it... so I think you've passed with flying colours.

Of course, watch your grammar and punctuation. Keep at it, and practice makes perfect.

Random argument man:
A review for a site is hard.

Yeah. Most of the time. Observe:

4Chan: Hope You Like Goatse!

milskidasith:
You overused the camp metaphor, you used periods when you meant to use commas, and you still had some errors. For example "I couldn't help, but called it funny." I can't understand what that sentence is trying to say. Do you mean I couldn't help but call it funny, or I couldn't help myself and called/thought it was funny?

About the camp metaphor: A metaphor running for a bit is OK. But turning an entire review into a metaphor just makes it a chore to decipher and gets in the way of the review.

Good review, i came here because i got banned for a week at facepunchstudios.com and then i started to like it here. :P

Copter400:

4Chan: Hope You Like Goatse!

I lol'd

Wewt: I'm sorry if I offended you by expecting quality work.

SargentToughie:
I liked it, and I started the same way, camping ZP untill I stumbled blindly into the forums, in my first post I insulted half of the people here, so...

You should be ashamed of yourself!

Wewt:

milskidasith:
You overused the camp metaphor, you used periods when you meant to use commas, and you still had some errors. For example "I couldn't help, but called it funny." I can't understand what that sentence is trying to say. Do you mean I couldn't help but call it funny, or I couldn't help myself and called/thought it was funny?

About the camp metaphor: A metaphor running for a bit is OK. But turning an entire review into a metaphor just makes it a chore to decipher and gets in the way of the review.

Good review, i came here because i got banned for a week at facepunchstudios.com and then i started to like it here. :P

No need to give a Who-gives-a-*** o meter. He was just giving criticism.

So You haven't watched De-Rez then? Shame on you

I think you should take the camp metaphor farther. Are trolls mosquitoes? Is roleplaying 'experimentation'? You've just got to keep us on our toes. I kind of want to write about my experience on the Escapist forums, but I'm afraid I'd creep people out with how much I care about them.