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The Finest Sandwich In The World

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A sandwich is considered by many to be a boring part of a typical lifestyle, a conception of normality. But this is not the case. A sandwich has a personality, it can have an appearance which causes our resolves to waver, and a face so sweet that it could make a new-born pup weep.

I like sandwiches. But there is one in particular which elevates itself from the rest, and has the greatest esteem that, in my mind, could be held by a sandwich. Now this sandwich, it is so much more than "just another sandwich". There I was living my ordinary gray lifestyle, in my ordinary gray world, when I was salvaged from damnation by this sandwich. It picked me up and opened my eyes, I began to notice things I had never noticed before. Trees singing, birds swaying and the like. The sun came out from behind its shroud of dull, and this sandwich was, in my eyes, pure and delicious gold.

But, you say, why is this sandwich better than any other sandwich? Well, I shall explain. There are so very many boring sandwiches out there, some that don't even deserve credit. There are some which are truly grand, devised by careful planning and months of hard work, there are sandwiches that have mayonnaise, there are sandwiches with mustard, there are sandwiches with white bread and sandwiches with brown bread. There are second-place sandwiches, such as my famed steak ciabatta and odd sandwiches such as my four-layer "marshmallow" sandwich. And then, at the top of the heap there is, this, an example to sandwiches everywhere.

It blends the subtle textures and aromas of succulent chicken breast, crispy sweetcure smoked bacon, beautiful crunchy iceberg lettuce, and just a dab of mayonnaise, for that extra zing that is often left out of other sandwiches, and all is between two exquisitely precise and perfectly moist slices of malted brown bread, which allows for comfort while eating and a lovely texture to bite through, before you reach the incredible fillings.

This sandwich is not only tasty, but a work of art. It has style, verve and humour. It tosses its head back to laugh, and wears clothes that it designed itself. This sandwich is second to none, and has a sense of fashion. It also has grace and poise, allowing for a marvelous combination of wacky and sassy behavior with respect and an air of grandness. This sandwich has the certain je ne sais quoi that other sandwiches lack.

But, it is not simply a pretty face. Oh no. It is practical also. The malted bread gives a firm grip, but a soft and gentle hold. The food inside is nutritious and is served in such perfect quantities that it doesn't stuff you but neither does it leave you hungry. The amount of food is perfect and fits pristinely between the bread, it is also exquisitely proportioned, and no ingredient is given more importance than the others, all in all, a very highly balanced sandwich. It simply tastes so wonderful, a single tear you would slowly shed and you would become overcome with emotion - and yet you would continue to eat it. And, the best part is that you could buy another one tomorrow as well... and experience the feeling that nothing in the world matters but this sandwich all over again. this is because of the joyous reason that you could buy one from Tesco. Please, I implore you, do so. Your life will never be quite the same again...

Gone Gonzo
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This is the most epic thread ever. EVER!

On the Record
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I thought this would be a TF2 review...

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Why, thankyou I made it myself. looks haughtily around as though superior to everybody. Sandwich dwarfs me.

Gone Gonzo
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Your passion for the noble sandwich is admirable. I would love to try the bit of heaven between two slices of bread you have described, but alas, I am American (Tesco is British, correct? Anyway, there aren't any near where I live).

My favorite sandwich is one I make myself - a Bangor Rye Bakery roll with lettuce, cheese, salad dressing, and roast beef. MmMmMmMmmm, I could probably survive on those for the rest of my life.

Damn, I think I have to go make a couple right now...

Gone Gonzo
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Marinara meatball sub FTW.

Infamous Scribbler
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Butter sandwich.

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Hooray! Unlocked... seconds after I reposted the second version... damn it. Sorry Mods. I shall remove that one if you. I apologise.

Infamous Scribbler
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umm chicken bacon sausage wrap with bbq sauce is very nice. and cheap too down la fista.

Master Archivist
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Gotta say Carl, your taste in the Finest Sandwich in the World is awesome. I too have ranked that as my finest sandwich, with perhaps a slight discrepancy on bread depending on what is readily available on the time. Nevertheless, the combination of chicken (roasted skin optional, I prefer it), lettuce and a dash of mayonaise is truly one to be reckoned with. I stumbled across it a few years back and since then it's been the pinnacle of what I like to enjoy on a warm summers day in regards to snacks.

Gone Gonzo
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Bacon. Egg. Tomato sauce. Toast. Heaven.

Wordsmith Extraordinaire
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Toast. Houmus. Salsa. Turkey.

But the Chicken/Bacon one does sound very good.

Gone Gonzo
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Now I am just going to set up a camp fire and we can sit around it and sing about those truly epic sandwiches.

Gone Gonzo
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Yeah those are good but best in the world?

Beat Writer
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Sammich Network is the place to be!

Not sure if that thing is still about. Kind of died in the early stages.
...Must trawl the internet...

Gone Gonzo
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Joined: 9 Jul 2008

Great, now you got me hungry. And I just ate, and I'm getting over a stomach bug so I haven't been hungry for a while. I'm guessing I can't find one of those Tesco places anywhere in New York? Oh well. I could try and have it airmailed but I'm guessing it won't be so good after that.

Pulitzer Laureate
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It's called the Chivito. It hails from Uruguay. Its name translates as "baby goat" or "little goat".

Most importantly, the Chivito consists primarily of churrasco beef, bacon, mayonnaise, black or green olives, mozzarella and tomatoes, served in a bun with a side of french fries. Other ingredients might be added into the sandwich such as fried and/or hard eggs, red beets, grilled or pan fried red peppers, pickles and ham.

I suggest you find or make one at your earliest convenience.

Pulitzer Laureate
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Marshmallow fluff & nutella?
This thread has inspired me to experiment... but may end with diabetes.

EDIT wow bad spelling!

Beat Writer
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I found the greatest sandwich ever in a little corner restaurant in Spain

The largest club sandwich I have EVER seen and even after forefully compressing it, it didn't really fit into my mouth for me to take a proper bite.

It contained what seemed like EVERYTHING: sausage, lettuce, chicken, bacon, mayo, tomato, onion; the list just goes on but the amazing thing was: all the tastes meshed exquisitely well!

The sad thing is that even if I go back I'll probably never be able to find that same place ever again :(

Gone Gonzo
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Actually, the one you're looking for is The Bobbie. It's made by a Deli called Capriottis, which can only be found in Nevada, Pennsylvania, and oddly Delaware. It's a sub roll with a nice dose of mayonnaise, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and fresh pulled turkey. I would kill one of you for one of these sandwiches right now. It is Thanksgiving in a sandwich.

image

Seriously.

Wordsmith Extraordinaire
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The Chinese Baguette shop in Leicester does one of those. Cracking.

Press Junketeer
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I actually prefer an egg and bacon sandwich as my ordinary, "do it yourself" variety sandwich. I haven't found my favorite sandwich yet, unless you count hamburgers. I can't remember the place (it was a local joint on my way to Arkansas), but it was an absurdly good hamburger.

Let me tell you of it. Starting at the base, it had homemade bread, toasty yet still soft, sweet, with a hint of butter cooked in. Next were the onions, cubed and smelling delicious, with their flavor soaked into the entire burger. Then the patty, which words cannot even describe. I can only say that it was large, and was by far the best seasoned burger you will ever taste. Next came mustard, a fairly ordinary variety, but adding a well placed zing. The iceburg lettuce was next, a staple, crunchy, but unneccessary, and I ordered without it. Finally, the secret sauce, a blend so delicious a man could subsist on only it for his entire life and never desire anything.

This burger is truly worthy of the massive amount of purple prose used in the preceding paragraph (and the pile of pathetic alliteration that I used by sheer accident). All I can say is that if you are ever en route from Lousiana to Arkansas and see a local joint with a burger advertised as being a half pounder on homemade bread made with a secret family sauce, order it, and you may just have found the best burger I've ever had.

Gone Gonzo
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The sandwich is the unsung hero of the working class. Christ, I love me a good sandwich.

Subway introduced a Montreal Smoked Meat sandwich (about time!) and it's perhaps the best thing on the menu next to the mighty Steak and Cheese. It's a shame Subway doesn't have a wide variety of cheese, but double the Montreal Smoked Meat on a simple Italian bun, a modest amount of lettuce, onions, and pickles, and my personal favourite sweet onion sauce, and this is the closet to perfection a subway sub can get.

Montreal Smoked Meat is the single greatest cold cut known to man. It's Roast Beef that has an orgasm every four seconds, that's how great this meat is.

I make a habit of trying a new sandwich build and variety every few days. Change the meats/sauces/breads/cheeses/veggies/proportions to get a new experience. Sandwich making is a renaissance art.

Wordsmith Extraordinaire
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I think the sandwich the OP is referring to is nominally called the Club Sandwich...can be found at most good dineries/hotels. Or at least that's what I always get.

Press Junketeer
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Plain old home smoked for a day pork shoulder pulled and tossed in a homeblend mixture of Bullseye, Ketchup, onion powder, garlic powder, crushed chilis. Melt on a nice thick slice of extra aged white cheddar and a single fresh and moist leaf of lettuce.

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Strangely enough, not one of you has said a thing about how well I reviewed said sandwich. I guess I didn't mention in the OP, but this is my first review and was a sort of practice, and criticism would be highly welcome... unless you don't have any.

Gone Gonzo
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I never thought someone would review a sandwich, except in a cooking forum.

10000/10 originality

Gone Gonzo
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Why is it that people started naming their favorite sandwiches? I did say it made me hungry, which is a pretty big compliment from me, but since I went on to talk about me having been throwing up for the past few days I suppose I'll give you a more...formal review. 15634534532/43212134...That's in sandwich numbers though, I'm not sure what it is in our normal numerical system.

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I usually don't like sandwiches with a lot of stuff on them, but at Slicks in Schenectady New York has the most roast beef I have ever seen, over 4 inches, and that's with compression. Their sandwiches are worthy of Gods, they taste amazing.

My ideal sandwich is on toasted bread, preferably sourdough, with cheese but not too much, roast beef or turkey, or maybe even chicken, lettuce, tomato, and NO mayo that stuff is disgusting. Served with a side of Tim's jalapano potato chips, I love those things.

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Pulitzer Laureate
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That was a great review Carl. I thought the write up was outstanding. My only disappointment was in your non-disclosure of the ingredients in the sandwich. Dear God did this review ever make me want your sandwich. This is an odd request, but is there by chance any way you could add pictures of this glorious sandwich?

My wife makes an absolutely wonderful sandwich. She claims there is nothing extraordinary about it, but I swear if you had a taste you would want to jump up and slap your grandma it's just that good.

Copy Clerk
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I can has sanvich?

Beat Writer
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The only person to ever devote more attention and love to sandwiches was Arthur Dent.

If you don't get that, you need to read the Hitchhiker's Guide books.

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I almost cried at that piece where he talks about all of the knives, and the complexity behind the art of sandwiches - he truly was a god amongst sandwich makers.

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The almighty baguette is far superior to the lowly sandwich!

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Pulitzer Laureate
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I must say; nothing is more holy than the almighty Sandwich. Praise be to It, for It is truly our Lord.

...
Except subs. I loves me a sub.

Mmmmmmm

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