2010 Billboard Top 100 Review: #70-66

This is going to hurt me.

#70: "Impossible" by Shontelle

Who? *research* Ah, a singer-songwriter of Barbadian (as in Barbados) descent. That's something unique, at least.

Music isn't bad, but it is standard for solo female artists these days. Basically, it's a gentle piano riff, with a drum beat kicking in later on. Shontelle has a pretty good voice, though. Not quite as soulful as Adele, but still very solid.

As for the lyrics, this is a rather sad break-up song. Basically, the guy messed her up after she loved him, and she is telling him to tell everyone what she knows, which is that the love they had was impossible.

I was not expecting to run into a song that affected me this much. Maybe it's because I've had one or two break-ups in my past, but this song really gets to me. Of course, part of it is that she isn't really tearing the other guy apart like many break-up songs do. Instead, Shontelle is simply regretful and worn-out from the relationship that just ended, and feels like true love is, in the end, not possible, and any attempts to find it are doomed to failure. That's much more powerful than insulting another person for having the audacity to break up with you, in my opinion.

#69: "3" by Britney Spears

Ah, post-breakdown Britney. That's always promising.

Well, that music is pretty far from what I think when I think "Britney Spears". Basically, it is a very loud synth riff, that is repetitive beyond mere annoyance, with a drum beat that is very unremarkable. But of course, they have to put clapping in the chorus. It's not like I can't think of better songs that do that *cough*WeWillRockYou*cough. As for the singing...yeah, it is clear that her breakdown was not kind to Britney's voice. She sounds younger than she did when she was 19, which is just unacceptable. Your voice should mature with age, not get younger.

As for the lyrics, this is a song about a threesome. Seriously, that's about all there is to the song. A guy and someone else is having themselves a Britney sandwich.

This song is...just bad. The music is nearly headache-inducingly bad, the singing is awful, and the lyrics are so crude as to be laughable. Remember when Britney actually wrote songs with some real emotional value, like "Everytime" or "Lucky"? Those were the good days, weren't they?

68: "Deuces" by Chris Brown feat. Tyga & Kevin McCall

Let me just say that I separate my dislike for Chris Brown as a person from my feelings about his music. I mean, let's face it. Dave Mustaine is a grandmaster of dickery, but Megadeth is an awesome band (if you like metal, at least). Oh, and this song also features a couple of rappers.

Well, the music is about the opposite of catchy. Basically, it is a few keys on a keyboard being hit in rhythm. There are also some barebones drum hitting and snapping fingers. As for the singing, if you can call that, Chris Brown is not very strong. As for the rapping, Tyga and Kevin McCall both really seem to be phoning it in.

The lyrics are the real issue of this song. Normally, lyrics aren't enough to condemn a song, but when the music is barely there, the lyrics just stand out worse, and in this song, that's a problem. The lyrics are ridiculously misogynistic. What is this song all about? Chris Brown and the rappers are tired of supporting their women through the drama, and are saying "deuces". Also, when you are in the same song as a rather famous domestic abuser, Kevin, you should really not make a reference to Tina and Ike.

It is rare for me to actually feel angry towards an artist due to a song. Sure, I may not understand why it is popular, but I don't hold it against the artist. But this song is just flat-out wrong. You can be a dick all you want, but as soon as you start writing songs about how women are so annoying with needing support, and that you are going to break up with them because you are tired of supporting them through the drama, you can go fuck yourself. Again, I don't hold Chris Brown's domestic abuse as evidence to hate a song. For this song, however, his hatred of women seems painfully clear, as does his selfish attitude and his "fuck you" to the world. I feel the fact that this song was so popular this year says more about America than anything, and nothing good. Oh, and the video I posted? 9.1 million hits. Goddamn it, humanity!

#67: "Party in the U.S.A." by Miley Cyrus

Remember when I said Selena Gomez wasn't the worst singer to come out of the Disney Channel? This is who I was thinking of.

Music is actually not that bad, probably the best part of the song. It has a fairly solid guitar riff somewhat reminiscent of "Float On" by Modest Mouse, with a nice drum beat. The singing, on the other hand...Miley Cyrus is just painful to listen to. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that I was actually wincing through most of the chorus due to her voice going sharp on not just every line, but almost every word.

As for the lyrics, Miley Cyrus is basically singing about being nervous about being in a new place, but then her favorite song comes on the radio, and it makes her feel better, like it's a, well, see the title.

If you take away the lyrics, and the awful singing, and just take the music, this song is actually pretty good. Actually, I'll be even more fair. The lyrics themselves need some work, but the basic message behind them isn't that bad. The real problem is the singing. That is just...I'd say Auto-tune was made for singers like her, but if a production studio couldn't make her sound good, Auto-tune is not going to help either.

#66: "Your Love" by Nicki Minaj

Again, I'll try to avoid my dislike of her as a person (in this case, her actions on American Idol) coloring my opinion of the song.

Music is something new for Nicki Minaj, being slower paced and more piano driven than her usual work. The rapping, however, is nothing different, although she does avoid devolving into total insanity, so at least she's actually trying. She's still not that great, though, requiring a ton of Auto-tune.

As for the lyrics, this is Nicki Minaj trying to be gentle. Basically, she is trying to describe how perfect she and a guy are for each other, saying she wants the title from him. Some of her comparisons are very...suspect, however. "I was a geisha and you was a samurai"? What? Are you saying you were his whore? Cause, you know, that's what a geisha is.

Suspect lyrics and mediocre rapping aside, this is one of the better Nicki Minaj songs. It's not as fun as her other ones, however. She just doesn't have the right style to be gentle and romantic. It would be like Iron Maiden doing a straight cover of "I Will Always Love You". They may do a decent job of it, but it just doesn't sound right.

Well, the first song was really good, and the last one wasn't bad. But the other three...wow. Special shout-out to Chris Brown, who actually managed what many songs have tried to do by pissing me off through a song.

Previously: #75-71

Next: #65-61

 

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