E3 2017 All Conferences Review

E3 2017 All Conferences Review


Rating: 4/10

Microsoft was fucking obnoxious. Let me sum up in a few memetic words Microsoft's conference:


Jesus Christ there is such a thing as being repetitive. Not to mention I'm surprised that 9/11 numbering got past PR. For those of you unfamiliar, there was a car being stupidly advertised on the Microsoft stage, a stage meant to show off games, and 9/11 was in the car's name. The words 'exclusive' and 'world premiere' were repetitively used before each trailer. No shit a game is a world premiere IT'S FUCKING E3. And being exclusive, is HORRIBLE. Who does that benefit? The people who own Microsoft and nobody else that's who. The next time a company announces a game is exclusive, if the crowd's reaction is anything less than loud booing to that blatant middle finger, then that crowd is completely delusional. Also that 500 dollar price tag on the Scorpio, you could just feel the announcer was uncomfortably putting off until the last moment to say, which he did. Anyway, Sea of Thieves looks bad AND it took up I believe, most of the conference's time. I am amazed anyone thinks that game deserves the time slot it had. I'll give a pass on Minecraft while all the other reviewers bash on it- it's a fucking cash cow and people love the game so of course they're gonna mention it significantly even if it's over something as minor as 4K. Forza Motorsport was boring to me. It's just HD cars I've seen it a million times. Burnout, the BEST car-centered franchise, made cars fun by letting you do loads of genuinely diverse modes, crash the cars, and not deal with the boring limitations of real-life physics these Forza games use.


Rating: 7/10

I was looking forward to Sony. They let me down a bit. They had lag and audio issues during their Twitch stream which were only corrected halfway through and was definitely not just me since other people in chat were also complaining about the same issues at the same times they occurred. Sony didn't take up much time, they didn't show many games, and like the previous year they were displaying a heavy dose of showmanship, though unlike last year, I think they overdid it with this year. That combined with the short amount of time and few games made Sony feel like all flash and no fire- the last thing you want to come off as when you are trying to hold your grounds as the leader in the console wars. And before anyone says something, yes, the console wars are a real competition between businesses that any viewer of the old ads by Sega against Nintendo would understand the legitimacy of. God of War looked okay though I wish they'd come up with a better title than "God of War" and dared to be original. The gameplay was what I was expecting and the cutscenes were par for what I was expecting. That of course is not a bad thing, since not meeting expectations is even worse; but God of War IV is getting the treatment it deserves even if it so far doesn't seem like anything particularly ground-breaking like I was hoping for. Spider-Man looked impressive. It was a clearly descendant of Arkham City's gameplay but combined with an emphasis on long-distance web-shots. It won't shake the gaming world but it is what I would want in a Spiderman game. I just wonder how they'll find any different villains considering how lacking in characters the Spiderman franchise is.


Rating: 9/10

Nintendo had the half-hour Nintendo Spotlight video. They made a hell of a lot better use of their time than Sony did that's for damned sure. Super Mario Odyssey is the chief reason I am going to get a Nintendo Switch. The graphics are stunning and the new gameplay mechanics are in-line with the franchise yet distinctively innovative through the hat throwing and more importantly the possessing of enemies. Xenoblade 2 looked dumb. I remember looking at the generic scantily clad female protagonist, the obnoxious swords, and the cliche anime look of the machines, ships, and characters and thinking "wow, this has nothing new at all." I am aware there is nothing new under the Sun but the point of being creative is one is supposed to not make the fact there's nothing new under the Sun so obvious. Splatoon 2 looked great and I look forward to the story mode. The flashiness, variety, unique gameplay and exotic soundtrack should be more than enough to persuade someone looking for a new kind of gameplay. Mario + Rabbids I will talk about in the Ubisoft section. ARMS is looking pretty and promising and, it is what it is, -launching arms like Dhalsim from Street Fighter. Breath of the Wild DLC looked meh but is definitely going to rake in the fat stacks of cash considering the fanbase surrounding that game.


Rating: 6/10

Ubisoft's conference was not as cringey as the past 2 years. They got rid of their god-awful announcer and managed to tone down the blatant cringey showmanship previous years offered. It still was cringey at times, more so than all the other conferences, but it was definitely far more tolerable this year. Ubisoft had one game I actually gave a shit about -Beyond Good and Evil 2. I have never played that franchise. And that trailer, had the audacity, to not show a damned ounce of gameplay. But the animation and effects in that trailer, were staggeringly breathtaking. A trailer for a video game, was setting the bar for not gaming cinema standards, but theater standards, of CGI cinematography. I hate it when games rely solely on cinematic scenes in their trailers but this game, has changed my mind if other games can keep the quality near this level. South Park: The Fractured But Whole I hope will be okay but, the gameplay for the previous game was a bit boring in how easy it was. I am hopeful things will be better next time and more difficult. As for the animations in the game, suffice to say as long as it is at least as good as the previous game, Fractured But Whole will again set the bar for video game animations. Assassin's Creed Origins was more of the same. If you are still a fan of the franchise after so many games rehashing the same core mechanics and story with little divergence, then I guess you'd want this game too. Mario + Rabbids was reminiscent in gameplay to South Park: The Fractured But Whole but the significant difference in aesthetics and storyline make these similarity appear only at the gameplay level. It is also reminiscent of Worms. Looks beautiful like Mario Odyssey and while Rabbids are a cancer built off the failure to create Rayman 4, this new crossover looks up to snuff.


Rating: 3.5/10

EA bored me and I have little to say about them. I got through half of it and then I stopped and just watched the trailers and watched the second opinion of TotalBiscuit before I decided to form the opinion I have on this conference. They aren't worth your time unless there's a specific franchise you're after. On the bright side, the game Anthem looks beautiful and fun, but it is clearly not innovative and blatantly Destiny Meets Halo: The Game. About what you'd expect EA to come up with. P.S. Need for Speed Payback looked pretty but was just more of the same racing mechanics of previous installments.

Their only truly good game was A Way Out, an exclusively 2-player prison breakout game with a style reminiscent of Grand Theft Auto. Love that game EA. It is A Way Out of the garbage you've surrounded yourself with.


Rating: 5/10

Bethesda was short but well-presented with a neat animated satirical 1960s-style theme park guiding the viewers through the various games they had. But looking back, they didn't have anything decent in terms of innovation to offer. VR is coming to Doom and more importantly, Fallout 4 (with hints of extra items coming with the Fallout 4 VR). A big letter 'K' describes my opinion on that matter. Wolfenstein 2 was what they ended on. Showed the KKK and Nazis versus you and some rebels -so think Hellsing without the magic and vampires. It's gonna be a good game. You don't make a sequel hyped this much over the years without making the quality look crystal clear and that's precisely what they did. Also there was a Disney-style animated rainbow lizard shown moving around indicating one of the game's characters was high. It is good they are not taking this game too seriously as like with the original Wolfenstein, it's not supposed to be a powerful political message it's just supposed to be for fun. But yeah, Bethesda didn't have much on display.

E3 Conferences

Rating: 5.5/10

Never change Nintendo. Sony, use your time more wisely and tone down the showboating. Ubisoft, quit cringing all over the place with the dancing and the Rabbids and bring back Rayman already. Bethesda, you need more games. Microsoft, you're even bigger shameless corporate shills than EA and that's impressive. EA, embrace innovation instead of following formulaic routines in game development. Any gaming companies I didn't mention, are automatic 0s for being too weak to even give us a conference. E3 as always hosted the best of the best and this year, was the year of Nintendo. Congratulations to Nintendo for this victory, and further I congratulate Microsoft for being so obnoxiously awful.

Caramel Frappe:
Huh, you gave Sony a 7 / 10 despite they were very disappointing this E3 and acted cocky as well, refusing to give it their all. While I am not saying their future titles aren't promising, the way they acted and how they treated the fans / gamers, I would of personally gave them a 4 / 10 for their crappy behavior and 'we won E3 already so we don't have to try' attitude. But that's just me personally.

At least you gave Nintendo an accurate score, they blew E3 out of the water with their amazing conference.

If Nintendo had actually held an in-person conference, cut that one anime-looking game from their showcase, and included about 10 more minutes of content, that would have bumped them up to a perfect 10. As-is they only had the fairly short video (by E3 standards of short) with that one anime game that was a blemish on an otherwise all-star roster of great new games.

As for Sony, the quality of the games shown and the beauty of their showmanship was what bumped them up from a 5/10 from me; though they certainly need to have less showmanship and more games. Surprised they don't ever try showing off one of the many decent PSN games they often give for free in the online Play Station store.


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