MS Hearts - A 'fifth' Review
MS Hearts. A free game with Windows that tests patience and teases you like you're the overweight kid at camp in a teen movie (But you're secretly super nice on the inside and will likely get the hot girl). What does all this add up to? A review by Baby Tea.
Before I really dive in: I'd like to apologize for my lengthy absence from the world of reviews, while I'm sure my many fan (Not a type-o) has been wondering if I had died in a terrible snow-shoeing accident. No worries. Work is just busy. But enough about that! Review, HO!
This is the first of two halves of the game called: Get rid of that freaking queen!:
MS Hearts is a lot like Solitaire in that everyone around you always knows better then you. They know what yo lay, what to pass, what to do every freaking time. But, since I covered the annoyance of that extensively in my Solitaire Review (*COUGH*Click here*COUGH*), I won't dabble anymore in that social muck.
What I will dabble in is the misconception that this game is simply one game. This game is actually 2 games! That's right, 2! And the transition is almost seamless! The first game is what I like to call 'Pass some cards, and then either get rid of the queen or flush her out'. It consists of you passing three cards that you think you do or don't need, and then throwing out cards to try to get that darn queen of spades out because she'll screw you over the most.
Once she's out there you break into one of two possible new games:
1) You got the queen, so now you're going to try to get every heart so that you don't look like an idiot to your fellow office workers watching you.
2) Someone else got the queen, so now you're trying to avoid hearts like the desperate flag girl on prom night while making sure someone else gets at least one heart (Usually you) to make sure the jerk who got the queen doesn't shoot the moon.
Both games have the same physical manifestations: Swearing, pounding the desk, punching co-workers, etc. And that is for one simple reason: You think you're doing well, and then it stabs you in the eye with a heart or queen of spades. You'll have 0 points for the first half of the game, and then all of a sudden be bombarded with trick after trick of heart and queen of spades so that your ego is inflated and deflated faster then a balloon glued to the lips of a guy with big lungs and no nostrils (It could happen).
Turns out your name is Terry and you're a LIAR!:
The big problem comes when you actually 'shoot the moon'. Why is this a problem? Because you did it once, and you instinctively feel that you can do it again! And so you give it a try, and end up weeping because your once awesome lead is now not so awesome when you get 19 points because you're an idiot and passed the wrong cards (Or so I'm told by everyone around me).
So what should be done with MS Hearts? Forgotten? Destroyed?
What else can be done with software designed to give you an aneurysm and ulcer all at once? Pass it to the elderly. They love it, for some reason, and I say 'Go nuts grandma'! At the very least, it'll distract them long enough for the rest of us to get at the candy dish that every elderly person has.
"SUGAR FREE!? WHAT KIND OF SICK JOKE IS THIS??"
--Baby Tea
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MS Hearts - A 'fifth' Review
MS Hearts. A free game with Windows that tests patience and teases you like you're the overweight kid at camp in a teen movie (But you're secretly super nice on the inside and will likely get the hot girl). What does all this add up to? A review by Baby Tea.
Before I really dive in: I'd like to apologize for my lengthy absence from the world of reviews, while I'm sure my many fan (Not a type-o) has been wondering if I had died in a terrible snow-shoeing accident. No worries. Work is just busy. But enough about that! Review, HO!
MS Hearts is a lot like Solitaire in that everyone around you always knows better then you. They know what yo lay, what to pass, what to do every freaking time. But, since I covered the annoyance of that extensively in my Solitaire Review (*COUGH*Click here*COUGH*), I won't dabble anymore in that social muck.
What I will dabble in is the misconception that this game is simply one game. This game is actually 2 games! That's right, 2! And the transition is almost seamless! The first game is what I like to call 'Pass some cards, and then either get rid of the queen or flush her out'. It consists of you passing three cards that you think you do or don't need, and then throwing out cards to try to get that darn queen of spades out because she'll screw you over the most.
Once she's out there you break into one of two possible new games:
1) You got the queen, so now you're going to try to get every heart so that you don't look like an idiot to your fellow office workers watching you.
2) Someone else got the queen, so now you're trying to avoid hearts like the desperate flag girl on prom night while making sure someone else gets at least one heart (Usually you) to make sure the jerk who got the queen doesn't shoot the moon.
Both games have the same physical manifestations: Swearing, pounding the desk, punching co-workers, etc. And that is for one simple reason: You think you're doing well, and then it stabs you in the eye with a heart or queen of spades. You'll have 0 points for the first half of the game, and then all of a sudden be bombarded with trick after trick of heart and queen of spades so that your ego is inflated and deflated faster then a balloon glued to the lips of a guy with big lungs and no nostrils (It could happen).
The big problem comes when you actually 'shoot the moon'. Why is this a problem? Because you did it once, and you instinctively feel that you can do it again! And so you give it a try, and end up weeping because your once awesome lead is now not so awesome when you get 19 points because you're an idiot and passed the wrong cards (Or so I'm told by everyone around me).
So what should be done with MS Hearts? Forgotten? Destroyed?
What else can be done with software designed to give you an aneurysm and ulcer all at once? Pass it to the elderly. They love it, for some reason, and I say 'Go nuts grandma'! At the very least, it'll distract them long enough for the rest of us to get at the candy dish that every elderly person has.
"SUGAR FREE!? WHAT KIND OF SICK JOKE IS THIS??"
--Baby Tea