FIFA 3009 COMES OUT MILLENIUM EARLY.
Someone had to say this. Sorry in advance.
Duke Nukem Forever released! People flock to game stores!
...If I didn't say this, someone else would have.
"EVERYBODY RUN! NO TIME TO EXPLAIN, JUST RUN!"
"Billy Mays alive hours before his death."
The headline above is based on a real newspaper headline. Name replaced with someone else because I can't remember who it was in the original.
"Average Newscasters are Self-Absorbed Bastards"
HELP ME I'M TRAPPED IN A NEWSPAPER FACT-
Serial Killer Named 'The Butt-Muncher'
DEMOCRACY TAKES HOLD IN THE MIDDLE EAST!
GRAND OPENING OF BAGHDAD HOOTERS HUGE SUCCESS!
Episode three released! Starcraft 2 has Lan! Brutal legend features Activision CEO as a boss! Carlsberg don't do headlines but if they did they'd probably be the best headlines in the world.
Racism; are you getting enough every day?
"Scientists' studies show that Games do nothing too negative to our bodies or personalities. Call to retards to stop complaining and get on with your fucking lives!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!": The final words of the man who fell down the well
CAKE: IT WAS ALL A LIE...
NO MORE SIMPSONS
POKE'FLU: THE LATEST HEALTH EPIDEMIC
<YOUR HEADLINE HERE> contact 0800-TABLOID
PAGE 3 REMOVED TO MAKE MORE ROOM FOR NEWS.
THE ZOMBIES ARE HERE! PREPARE TO FIGHT BACK!
Resident Evil was just the practice run...
MARTIANS EXIST AND RESIDE IN TOM CRUISES BASEMENT MORE DETAILS IN FRIDAYS PAPER!
Cookies for everyone who's not *gunshot*
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED TODAY
Don't worry, be happy :)
Everything's Fine (I think I may have already posted this one...)
Its all up hill from here
At least it can't get any worse!
[Essentially anything positive...]
"Damn you're looking hot, no don't type that, wait screw it I want to them to know"
"To all those who didn't believe I could be an editor FUCK YOU!"
"American Doods Pwnd, Obama like 0MFG, WTF HAxx0r and vows to Roflcoptor up country"
UN has positive results in crisis
PS3 best concole ever
I like big butts and i cannot lie
America invade nation with no national resources
Good bye cruel newspaper
Mass layofffs at Britains printing presses. Read more on pa
Firemen save tree stuck up cat
Zombie out break causes no alarm what so ever
Todays nws: Th lttr '' has bn rmovd from th alphabt
"Time for a new topic? Opinion polls would suggest so..."
Editor eleection 5 inches
Fucking Cunt the PM is
Illegal Aliens found in Truck
Things You Wouldn't Hear On A TV Talent Show
I had this idea for ages, so don't knock me for it being on Mock The Week before.
Hi, I'm Ryan Seacrest! And did you know that so many of you voted on American Idol last week, that small residential areas temporarily lost 911 service? 100's died! (cheesy grin)
Explain to me again how Halo is not a talent?
well there's a very good reason I'm naked and covered in honey
Don't forget to text message your votes at the end of the show, because phone companies make far more money that way!
It's Britain's Got Shit Talent and here are your judges! Hit maker and Mr. Nasty himself Simon Cowell! NME writer, the controversial Mark Beaumont! And Guardian Columnist, Dead Set writer and TV presenter. He is The Lord of The Universe, The King Of Snarking... Remarks, Mr (adopts Boxing Announcer voice) Charlie... Brooker!
Hi Ryan Seacrest here, I'm not a douchebad. Seriously I'm really not...Oh come on you believe me don't you.
Please vote for me, my entire self esteem relies on your votes. I have the gun loaded, every place I'm from first I bring the gun close to my temple...
I'm i'm john Prescott and i'm going to eat you all in under a minute
Something for the ladys my dancing penis
My name is stephen Hawkings and today i'm going to sing "The cheeky girls"
HI I'M BILLY MAYES I CAN SELL ANYTHING BY SHOUTING AT YOU!!!
"I'm sure that the rabbit was alive when it was inside the hat"
Coming up next is Sally the necromancer's zombie dance group 'The Deadbeats'
For my act, I shall regurgitate a scale copy of buckingham palace!