No, I wouldn't do any of those things. That's her job

What does the phrase "your mom" actually mean, and why do people get so annoyed by it?

It means that your mom has died a horrible death that was brought about by several legions of flying monkeys that were genetically engineered for that sole purpose.

Why has nobody issued me a license to kill?

After the "nuke the whales" fiasco i don't imagine why they should

Why do birds suddenly appear?

Because I throw them at you every time I draw near. Get ready for some emus.

Why can't I drive on sidewalks without the police yelling at me?

Because you forgot to signal onto the sidewalks.

How did I get to be such the public nuisance that it took three cop cars to pull me over Saturday night?

By dragging an old lady around behind your car in a wheelchair because you didn't want to fold it up so she could ride in the car.

Why the hell am I still up?

because you`re scared that I`l murder you for stealing me pot,o,gold

is Australia shaped like a doughnut and if so will a giant fat man come out of the pacific ocean and eat it.

Levaetus:
A:Lose the Kingdom Hearts pic.

Q:How do I shot web?

Some strange irony there...coming from a guy with a picture of Sephiroth. Not to say there is anything wrong with him...>.>

Yes and yes. And the fat man is going to be spawned from a collection of unhappy penguins from Madagascar.

Will anyone give me a lightsaber?

Yes. BUT IT'S MADE OF MUDKIPS ;D

1, 2, 3...?

248,967 monkeys making jam out of ET's cold dead corpse.

Cake or death?

Cake of death.

What color is a smell?

it is a smelly color a smelly color that smells colorful .

have you seen it.

Yes I have. It was wonderful and shiny and it had boobs, too. It was incredible.

Do you like getting kicked in the face?

A: if you pay i like anything

Q: What time is it

It is time for the world devourer to rain down death and destruction from the edges of the galaxy, and watch as we pitiful humans attempt to curtail the madness.

Would you give me a chainsaw?

Only if you pass the salt, Winfrey.

IS THE ESCAPIST MAGAZINE REALLY NAZI IDEOLOGY IN DISGUISE?

Q:Sure then all the blood from the echelon will shout yes

A:Can i catch pregnancy

Only on the third friday of every year after a blood moon.

Why do people like American Idol?

Because they're all good singers (That answer was stupid, incase you didn't pick on it)

If I eat a pot noodle with a spoon, is it technichally a desert?

Nope! It's technically a small marsupial!

Do you eat brains?

Only on the third friday of every year after a blood moon.

If I make my Sky+ box record a History program, will the world implode?

Yes. And I will pay you five dollars to do it.
^{Nice answer :-P}

Do you use your mouse for copy/pasting?

No, I use my mind!

Why does a green velvet hat last longer than a black leather jumpsuit with flashy white stripes?

Ahem

BECUZ OF TEH MUDKIPS. And no, I will never stop using this answer.

If you mix Coke with Pepsi, what do you get?

Because the flashy white stripes wear down the leather over time. The velvet hat has no white stripes, so it is going to last longer.
Then mentos would have to combine with tic-tacs as well.

Can I shoot at cars on the highway without getting in trouble?

A: Why not I'm already doing it

Q: So was bush a good prez

Sure. If you have incredibly low standards.

Can you survive falling off a bridge onto a freeway?

A: Let me try (jumps)

Q: So can i fly if i flap my hands really hard

Only on the third friday of every year after a blood moon.

Should I stop using that answer and revert back to some MUDKIPZ themed one instead?

No. I like my answer better than the mudkips thing.

How much do you love bear traps?

As much as I love faecal matter on my bread.

Why can't I order Jesus via mail?

because I'm Jesus.

Why can't i have green sperm?

Because you are not the hulk.

Why aren't my teeth white?

Because I did things to you in your sleep, which can happen only on the third friday of every year after a blood moon.

Zombehs. GEWD OR WHUT?