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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2091 Joined: 14 Jun 2009     | |
On the Record  Posts: 6686 Joined: 29 Jul 2008    | Moved what I wrote here to somewhere more appropriate. If you want it it can be found here: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/Asylum-open-mic |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 4496 Joined: 15 Jun 2009     | When examining the origins of TheTygerFire it is best to be careful not to allow his reputation as 'finest light bulb salesman this side of Tennessee' blind you to the sour truth. Intimidation, bribery, murder, embezzlement; what sort of person would commit such atrocities gladly? In a word: Tygah. He first entered the high-flying word of light bulb-salesmanship at the early age of nine. He soon found himself outclassed, however, and he sought a means to bring about the downfall of his opposition. The opportunity came on his eleventh birthday when a aging mafia don approached Tygah with an offer he should have refused. That offer entailed the use of members of the aforementioned crime syndicate to eliminate Tygah's competition and it wasn't long before Tygah became a world renowned dermatological surgeon. While dermatology and light bulb sales have a lot in common, it wasn't Tygah's intention to be mislabelled a surgeon. Thus, when the mafia don died mysteriously of light bulb inhalation, Tygah took over the criminal organisation and used it to deliver light bulbs to all the good folk this side of Tennessee. Not the folk on the other side; they smell funny. |
Master Archivist  Posts: 8717 Joined: 28 Feb 2009     | *Pant pant* Not much time... they're closing in... but I have to get the truth out... Diagonal Horizontality has been-- shoot! *dodges a passing searchlight* There he is, the pink one! Get him! What? NO, they've found me!! *runs off into the night* |
Nobel Laureate  Posts: 27304 Joined: 22 Dec 2008    | Geek@Heart...where to begin. |
BANNED  Posts: 7326 Joined: 10 Apr 2007     |
my way of saying 'thanks' User was banned for: Guido Age: Origins - Return to Jersey Shore with Morrigan. (Permanent) |
Nobel Laureate Posts: 27304 Joined: 22 Dec 2008 | ThreeWords, a resident forum gamer, is an example of a man who has overcome harsh obstacles in life. You see, from the age of two, he was taught that speaking or writing in sentences longer than three words was abhorrent to the outside world. This made him very careful in his speech and writing. Most of his essays through the years were an assembly of semi connected words, in triplets of course. He never really grew in his writing, although one thing he wrote, on the topic of "Why do humans feel a deeply ingrained desire to drive fast cars," he responded in a beautifully succinct paper. |
BANNED  Posts: 3668 Joined: 8 Feb 2009    | Moviebob, a so-called movie reviewer, is actually yahtzee from the past. Moviebob, or Yahtzee, whatever you want to call him, as an alien from Betelgeuse 9 who came to Earth to write about it in a book, unfortunately he got that benjamin button thing and was forced to stay here by his captain, Kirk. He went to college to become a doctor, but instead was ran over by a car, going roughly 88 mph, making him go into the past and date his mother, which actually is the reason he got that benjamin button thing to begin with. User was banned for: dam christmas brings out the babes . (Permanent) |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1309 Joined: 17 Jun 2008  | NewClassic knows he wants to do me, and she should promptly get on that. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3689 Joined: 3 Aug 2008   | Shivari is actually a small mouse made of cheese who eats itself on a weekly basis until nothing will remain ): |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 440 Joined: 14 Aug 2008    | EmileeElectro is actually the spiders from Mars that David Bowe met. It is chronicled in the his autobiographical album Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. It was EmileeElectro that give David the ability to dance the blues, get to church on time, and taught him how to be a rebel. Shivari is actually a Hindu goddess whose gaze has the ability to distort time and space, evidenced by the fact that all the people that claimed to see her face are either living in an insane asylum or have died painful deaths shortly after claiming to see it. |
Vault Legend  Posts: 2344 Joined: 30 Jul 2008   |
Shhh, Shivers. They're not supposed to know that I'm not a guy. :x Shivari is, and has always been, a habitual liar. With a childhood filled with abuse and violence, lying to people in authority about where that gash and black eye came from was a matter of course rather than a matter of taste. Whenever this lead to adulthood, it turned into a spy game. Shivari found a job in the government, and promptly began taking Black Ops missions in Europe and Africa. There's no such thing as "white" or "black" or black in the spy business, and identity was a temporary thing. Years later, Shivari was one of the government's foremost go-to spies for the more intricate jobs. However, even the professionals have their off days. Due to a mix-up between the CIA and a government-funded militia group, Shivari's mission was compromised during a crucial moment. Cut off from the government, Shivari adopted a new identity and faded into the background. Mysteriously, posts by Shivari as still found on the Escapist forums, although the IP address has always lead back to a single house in Ohio, which has always been occupied by a family without children. If this is by accident, or if it is actually Shivari's childhood home, is completely unknown. Either way, without a way to verify, it's either sneaky reality of just another cover ID. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 4496 Joined: 15 Jun 2009 | Baby Tea may have the smooth, sexy vocal chords of a radio presenter, but he wasn't always a big shot producer. As a child, he dreamed of sitting in a tiny cubicle surrounded by audio equipment, broadcasting every little thing on his mind to the masses. Yes, B Tea wanted to be a Talk-Back show host. Sadly, his ambitions came to fruition when, at the ripe young age of three months, he got a job as the sidekick of Ambrosiomackatty Jethuleuranap-Clammactico Jr., an air-wave denizen on the way out. In truth baby B Tea was only brought in as a gimmick in the hopes of boosting his co-star's ailing ratings. This attempt was in vain, however, as the audience had decided that it didn't want to have to remember Ambrosiomackatty Jethuleuranap-Clammactico Jr.'s name. When Ambrosiomackatty Jethuleuranap-Clammactico Jr.'s career finally came crashing down in a storm of on-air xenophobic tirades, B Tea was appointed his replacement. Being only five months of age, B Tea couldn't form sentences, read cues, or host the show, but he made up for that in sheer charisma. Sadly, charisma wasn't enough to keep the station above the troubled fiscal waters, and he lost his job when the company filed for bankruptcy. It was years later that B Tea finally got back into radio as a janitor. He toiled for fifty nine, keeping the floors clean, the water fountains un-violated, and being a all-round good surface technician until he had saved enough money to become a producer. Nowadays, his only appearances on-air are his occasional stints as Frankie the cab driver responding to listener mail. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3544 Joined: 7 Oct 2008   | Scott266 would have you believe he is a squirrel. Not so. In reality, he's a 65 year-old grandfather who plays chess on the weekends with old buddies and tells his family war stories nobody really likes. It is suspected the idea for his current avatar came from one of the many squirrels he feeds in the park. One day, our investigators caught a glimpse of him giving Mountain Dew to the small woodland creatures instead of nuts. We can only assume he took a photo of one of these creatures and has now assumed its identity while online. We attempted to contact Mr. Thomas Cornworthy (Scott266), but have been unable to find him since last Tuesday, when he feigned a heart attack to escape an interview. |
Nobel Laureate Posts: 27304 Joined: 22 Dec 2008 | Just so this shall not die... This man has actually learned how to enter a computer system and work from the inside. No, not like the matrix, and not like tron. Unknown to him, Virgil had learned how to merge with the computers before he, and made a shell reality within the machines, to keep those who would challenge his position of power from actually managing to do so. From his tower high upon what was the second tallest mountain(he blew up the tallest one so he could claim the current highest), he can scan every sector on the servers he rules over. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2626 Joined: 5 Jun 2008   | Neonbob does not want to nuke the whales. It's a cover up. He's ashamed of the fact that he secretly finds whales fascinating and he wants to ensure their preservation in our seas. But, he's paranoid and thinks people will laugh at his whale-love. And he's right. Ha. You see. I just laughed at it. But don't be mean to him. It's okay to love whales. Really, it is. Try to be understanding, and remember. Remember the persona that hates whales. That's how he wants us to remember him when he's gone. Now, come on, guys. An intimidatingly dark man, standing amidst a raging blaze... with a pink lightsaber? You know you wanna make fun of that. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3689 Joined: 2 Aug 2008    | Emperor Inferno is, contrary to what he may seem to others as a powerful Sith, a regular person, though with a surprisingly dark, but from our viewpoint, the readers, a funny life story. Also, fire. Born in 1967, as a 4-year-old child, Emperor Inferno, while handling a small, white handkerchief, saw that his mother was making food on the oven. Emperor Inferno took the handkerchief, and put its one end into the fire. The fire immediately approached his fingers, and he started screaming, out of instinct. He, however, did not feel pain, as his mother quickly grabbed it, and threw it in the sink. During the next few years, he spent days just holding his hand above a lighter. His hand did burn, but he didn't feel pain. He thought he just doesn't feel pain at all, so he tried needles and everything, but they hurt him a lot. One day, however, while buying a plastic lightsaber, custom-made by his friend's friend. He was ecstatic when it arrived at his home, immediately starting to swing and hit everything with it. But he feeled like something was missing. The lightsaber's plastic immediately cooled down, getting stuck onto his hand. Taking it away hurt, and he didn't want to rip off the skin on his hand. Also, he noticed that due to some of the components in the saber getting damaged by the fire, the red color of the lightsaber turned to pink. He immediately ran to his closet, took a long robe, and started swinging around with the saber. After turning his head to the right, he, in horror, noticed what had happened. The lighter had set fire to his bed, and half of his room was burning. He, out of instinct, ran out of his room, through the kitchen, into the coridor, and out of the house. Behind him, the house fell together. Luckily, as Emperor Inferno himself later admitted, there was a news reporter right next to the house, on the street. As the house fell together, the reporter took a shot. After a few days of chaos, lurking on the streets, begging for money, Emperor Inferno discovered that his wallet was in a pocket on his robe, which had a lot of money. He bought the newspaper where the picture of him was, scanned it in in an internet café which one of his friend owned, and was happy, because he could set it as his Escapist avatar. He didn't care for his family, his house, nothing. All he was concerned with, was his avatar, and all the fire it had in it. The following years, he has killed many people at night with his own, custom-made flamethrower, and has yet to get caught. He lives at his grandmother's place, who he also killed. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2626 Joined: 5 Jun 2008 |
LOL'S! I fucking lol'ed. That was awesome. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 3689 Joined: 2 Aug 2008 |
Heh, thanks. (: |
Vault Legend Posts: 2344 Joined: 30 Jul 2008 | Some things just feel right. A hot bath at the end of a long, a massage at the hands of skilled fingertips, a cool drink after long exercise, or a happy ending on a Hollywood blockbuster. This is the natural order of things, and always has been. Most humans never sync up with this natural order, but some are born into it. Higurashi has always lived the order though. At a bar, nightclub, or an evening with the parents, Higs simply feels right. He says all the right words, smiles at the right times, drinks the right drinks, and presses the right buttons. It becomes easy to feel at home, safe, and happy with Higurashi, and he fits. Among villains, he wears the right fedoras, among heroes, and his halo glows beautifully. He may even be the personification of right. Higs got his start working men and women in bars, shmoozing his way from pocketbook to pocketbook, making a living by being Mr. Right. He eventually managed a small business by purchasing a bar. His bar was successful enough to become a chain, and then sold in order to facilitate a growing love for the internet. Online, it was unknown how "right" Higs would feel. Even the disconnected nature of the internet didn't slow him down, and he sound found a community he enjoyed, who loved him in reply. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1741 Joined: 31 Mar 2008    | He is a man of logic and reason that exists within and illogical and unreasonable world, and from one contradiction comes another in the form of the name he chose to reveal to the world: NewClassic. NewClassic is a man that fights idiocy with it's antithesis however and whenever he sees fit, which from the observer's perspective is itself a thankless existence, but it runs so much deeper than that. In NewClassic's bubble of reason within an unreasonable world everything has an explanation and any thing that is fundamentally "wrong" can itself be made "right". What is broken can be fixed, what is incomplete can be made whole, and what is flawed can be made perfect, just as it should. From this view one realizes that logic is both NewClassic's way and his weapon, a device that he can bend and mold like clay to both his liking and his will to suit his own means. The answers are as they are for that is what he desires them to be, the rules are as he permits them to be within his own parameters and even your very own will and actions, down to the most minute, insignificant and completely random, are as he permitted them to be, for logically they must be. They, and in turn you, exist in all of your flaws by design, so in his never-ending game he can take everything he invisions as wrong within you and set them right. NewClassic is the puppet master of all things, and you are tightly bound by his strings... |
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AH!
Obscure Canadian folk-pop band reference!