I climb up the cliff, then yoink it out of your hands.

I hide it in a Tiberium crystal field, which means death for anyone who steps into it and also poisons the cake itself.

I send a robot in to get it, then I lick the poisoned bits off.

I dissolve the cake in acid.

I bake a new cake

I have the cake

I throw acid at you, then steal your cake.

Who has the cake? Me!

"Look over there Sam G, another more tasty cake!"

As you turn I tie the cake to my car and then drive off

^{Code is 4219.}

Really don't care. I smash the cupboard open with a sledgehammer.

I hide the cake in a line of letters.

^{gjybyretherindyanthoroplologisticalismarteneduptotheintroductionofthecakesoccietyofpointlessnessthattalksaboutnothinginparticular}

gjybyretherindyanthoroplologisticalismarteneduptotheintroductionofthecakesoccietyofpointlessnessthattalksaboutnothinginparticular

Found it

I throw it into the middle of a football game

I ask my brother to run in and get it. He then grabs it right before being dog-piled by the whole team, and even with broken bones and spine, he will comically lift it out of the pile for me to grab.

I now take that cake and hide it in one of the comments on a Million-Hit You-tube video.
Suffer as you search each and every horrible spelled and idiot-filled post!

Well, that's effectively destroyed that cake. I construct a new one out of nuclear materials.

I place the new and highly dangerous cake in a lead safe, then forget the combination.

I distract frank with a picture of pararaptor's avatar, which he sees is himself, and has a paradox, causing his brain to explode. I then send a probe in to get me the cake

I put the cake on a plane flying to Cuba

I'm the ninja, I take the cake out of the fridge

I put it on top of the tallest peak in the Andes

I tricked you all! Mwa Ha Ha!

Dumbfish1:
I grab it in four, then severely burn my back as I escape.

I hold the cake over a cliffrichard

Cliff richard has the cake

Well, I think I've had enough of this. I've held onto the cake for 5 pages now, so I'm ready to relinquish it's power onto someone else.
^{I originally took it here, and if you want evidence that I didn't edit that post, Naturalized quoted me below. I am turning the original white text in it red however.}

I press the detonator on my wrist, and the cake you thought was real explodes.

I place the cake in my trophy cabinet, and await any challengers. Meanwhile, I also prepare my next trick...

Azraellod:

I I give the cake to Dumbfish1. Meanwhile, I also prepare my next trick...

Why thank you azaellrod.

I hide the cake with THE KRAKEN

I convince the Kraken that starring as the main beast in a sub par pirate movie series in which the 1st one was the only really good one is a bad idea. He agrees and goes to law school. I then take the cake, triumphant.

I hide the cake somewhere within here: http://www.michaelbach.de/ot/col_equilu/index.html

Sven und EIN HUND:
I convince the Kraken that starring as the main beast in a sub par pirate movie series in which the 1st one was the only really good one is a bad idea. He agrees and goes to law school. I then take the cake, triumphant.

I hide the cake somewhere within here: http://www.michaelbach.de/ot/col_equilu/index.html

Not really

I found the hidden text!

I put the cake in a box, then drop that box in a volcano.

Also, I've been meaning to do this for a while: I destroy every cake recipe in the world, making it impossible to do that really cheap thing and "Make a new cake".

I hire Alton Brown to make me new cake using a recipe he has memorized.

We then move the cake to a top secret underground military facility.

I dive down the volcano on a bungee cord, and catch the cake an instant before it hits the lava.
I throw rocks at it until they give me the cake in return for promising to go away.
^{Well, I've got it memorized so I can still make new ones. Although I hate doing so, I try to only do it if it's either that or time travel, which annoys me slightly more.}

I place the cake in a fortress of ice.

I channel the lava from that volcano a few posts back, and melt your ice fortress.

I close my eyes, spin around really fast, and lob the cake.

Why? You just threw it back in the volcano.
^{now i can use this.}
I dive down the volcano on a bungee cord, and catch the cake an instant before it hits the lava.

I place the cake in a landfill site.

I grab it, then drown in garbage.

My ghost takes the cake and hides it in my new "Throw Something Else" thread.

Cake's here, by the way

Got it.

I place the cake at the center of the worlds largest library.

I burn the library down using a special cake-retarded flame.

I run over, retrieve the cake, then make a fortress out of books and hide inside it with the cakes.

I read all the books one by one, and when I'm done you have no fort. I snatch the cake and run.

I place the cake in the bottom of a very deep dark pit of spikes.

I hook it out with a fishing rod.

I stamp on the cake until it's flat as a pancake, then slide it under the door of Barack Obaba.

I hire a team of ninjas to infiltrate Obama's office and retrieve the pancake.

I re-inflate it using a bicycle pump.I decide to hand it over to the person who can write the wittiest limerick. About pirates.

There once was a pirate... Ah, screw it, I knock you out and steal the cake.

I throw the cake down the chimney stack of a nuclear power plant.

I cause a nuclear meltdown, which blasts me and the cake a long way. Weak from radiation poisoning, I reach for the cake which has landed beside me, and place my hands on it, and with my final breath, I blow out the candle.

I take the cake from you. I also kick your corpse a few times.

I place the cake on top of a cloud, out of reach.