With my other game already sunk into obscurity, I'm going to try and get this one to work for once. So here we have:

Basically, you can ask any "How did you...?" question, and the next poster will answer and then ask another question.

Anyway, to start things off...

How did you avoid being seen by the guards?

With a very large box, of course.

How did you defeat a dragon?

I sent all my knights to attack.

How did you cure cancer

My own sweat.
Yep, I'm just that good.

How did you survive the zombie apocalypse?

By hiding in a shed made of adamantium.

How did you write the bible?

I put my pen against a piece of paper and moved it around.

How did you drink 3000 vodka shots without succumbing to alcohol poisoning?

I drank them spread out over a period of 50 years.

How did you avoid the assassin I sent after you?

Well... *hiccup!*.... It's..... *hiccup!*..... Rather simple... Really.... *hiccup!*...... My... Secret... ish...

*Collapses*

How did you revive me?

Edit: Curses! Well, in any case, that guy was alive in 1191, and I'm living in 2009, You can see clearly how I dodged him.

But still, how did you revive me?

I used a defibrillator. Works on everything.

How did you learn to drive a tank?

Trial and error

how did you survive a shot to the head

With immediate massage by Chuck Norris.

How did you find that dinosaur?

I dug up a 200 000 000 year old cryogenics laboratory with 1 frozen dinosaur, and turned off the freezer to resurrect it.

How did you paint the Mona Lisa?

I put my paintbrush in the pot, etc.

How do you hold that scythe without thumbs?

It's specially built to have holes for my claws to slide into and keep it in place. It's also really light.

How did you build your own car?

I used duct tape and string with the rusted remains of a yellow submarine

How can I get to the secret level?

Use the special password.

How did you become the first man to swim across the Atlantic?

My son... You are already inside....

How did you survive a camp-out in the deepest, darkest corner of the internet?

Edit: Also, how can I stopped being ninja'd?

My ship sank...

How did you go to hell?

I was an athiest.

How did you teleport?

I closed my eyes and squeezed them really tight, like I had constupation.

How did you win the election?

I promised free popcorn for everyone.

How did you get all that popcorn?

It's my super-power.

How did you get a hand that shoots fire?

I made a wrist mounted flamethrower

How did you dig to the center of the earth?

I had this really big shovel.

How did you get those beautiful, shiny... ears?

I use Head and Shoulders!

How did you get banned from the escapist in just 30 minutes?

I posted "FIRST!" in all the threads I could find.

How did you find out where I live?

I found out your name, google it, went on images, and clicked the one with your family coat of arms.

How did you kill all them ninjas?

The more ninjas there are, the less effective they are.

How did your hair turn white?

Once again, Head and Shoulders!

How did you serve that foo', bearing in mind you're in a wheelchair?

He thought that living with the injuries he gave me was a fate worse that death.

How did you escape from Batman?

With my trusty hookshot! ...What? You didn't specify you wanted him alive...

How did you fall out of a plane without a parachute and live?