"Bryghtside, Ren's not here..." I say, stepping out of the shadows. "He's not here because I killed him!" I draw my golf clubs and engage Brightside in combat.

*cue Battle on the Big Bridge*

_{Wow - that music's epic...}

*We fight*

Me: Sam! No! We must unite, and face our true enemy, claymorez! His God Powers soon shall take over the mall!

*Sam attacks, I am parrying his blow*

Sam: And why should I do that?

Me: Because-

Suddenly, claymorez teleports out from beneath his burning box hiding place, and resumes his eating of all things food like, devouring sam g.

Me: You monster!

Then, Ren respawns beside me, and we nod at each other, jumping at the Emperor claymorez.

*jumps in front of Ren and SirBryghtside*

Muda da!

*storm of punches*

MUDADADADADADADADADADADADADADADA!

*knocks Ren and SirBryghtside back*

ZA WARUDO!

*negative filter, time freezes*

TOKI WO TOMARE!

*pulls out knives*

KYYYYAH!

*throws knives, knives stuck in mid air*

Soshite toki ga ugoki desu.

*time resumes, flurry of knives hit Ren and SirBryghtside sending them the the floor*

ODAODAODAODA!

*brings down steamroller on top of Ren and SirBryghtside*

WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

I sense a disturbance in the force, and push Ren out of the way, a flurry of knives stabbing into me and a steamroller crushing me and claymorez.

Ren dashes back as the steamroller disintegrates. Claymorez is on the floor, dead, and I am on my last legs.

Me: "Ren - help me take - this mask off."

Ren: "But you'll die..."

Me: "Nothing - can stop that now. Just for once - let me - look on you - with my own eyes."

*Ren nods, and takes my mask off*

Me: "Now - go, my son - leave me."

Ren: "No. You're coming with me. I'll not leave you here, I've got to save you!"

Me: "You already - have. Ren - you were right. You were right about me. Tell your sister - you were right."

*I close my eyes and die*

Ren: "Father! I won't leave you-"

*Ren realises that there is no hope, and lays me down to rest. He then pulls himself together and cremates me*

*I come out of the fire as a ghost, and slaughter Ren with my lightsaber*

Ren: "But this didn't happen in Star Wars!"

Me: "Yeah, but I didn't get crushed by a bloody great STEAMROLLER in the films either. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't set in a MALL."

*I skip happily throught a door, going about my ghostly ways, leaving Ren to die on the floor*

_{I hope that's the last of these Star Wars rip-offs - I'm tired of cross-referencing youtube videos!}

Beneath the rubble of the bookstore, something moves. Struggling to breathe, fighting to come to the surface.

Suddenly, a hand comes out of the ashes. Ren rises, cleans his clothes and says

"REVENGE!"

Hmmm... I'm invincible, where should I go now?

I notice Suiseiseki IRL preying on some unaware individual, and walk through her. She screams, and I don't like the noise, so I decapitate her.

THAT'S NOT FAIR. I hit Bryghtside with Gray's Anatomy (the book, not the TV series), killing him.

Yes, that's the biggest overkill possible.

No, good sir, this is the biggest overkill ever:
I appear out of the shadows and break both Ren's knees with my golf clubs, then kick him in the face, before shooting him 50 times at
point-blank range with my staple gun. Having done that, I laser most of his skin off with my Dramatic Gopher talisman, then kick him down a really deep pit. But that's not all! Next, I jump down after him and score a 128-hit combo with my golf clubs, before grabbing him by the head and flinging him towards the ground. Never one to die without reason, I'll swoop towards the edge of the pit and start running up the wall, until I finally emerge, landing in a show-offy crouching position, wiping my nose with the back of my hand and saying, "That was too easy."

... before realizing Ren had left a grenade in his back pocket, sam exploded.

HA! I am a ghost, Ren! Your books cannot harm me!

I wonder what to do, and find my musical spears on the floor, so grab two and look for people to slaughter.

Actually, the book is so damn heavy that it can kill ghosts. Seriously, look it up.

Anyway, I draw Bryghtside's attention, and let him come after me. He chases me until for some reason he stands still. Looking down, he sees a pentagram on the floor.

I then open the book of the dead and recite the incantation that will ban his ghost from our plane of existence.

I continue to sit in HMV and peacfully listen to music.

BUHAHAHA However to SirBrightSide's greatest displeasure he forgot to remove the real Lolcat from my person (which is tattoed on my body) and instead took a small cat statue i had in my pocket with the phrase"I iz Ninjaz"

SO I teleport behind Ren as he attempts to re-enact some B-Movie summoning spell, decapitate him with my Spoon and then shove a grenade in his mouth and pull the pin, which promptly explodes.

Before the explosion I teleport to the Music section in HMV and offering my hand to TheGreatCoolEnergy, saying "join me, and be my apprentice and I shall give you the power to get revenge on SirBrightSide". HE accepts and so I give him the power Yahtzee: (Power of Astral Projection, or the ability to eject the soul from the body and wander as an invisible spirit and able to enter a person's dreams and attack other spirits).

I then appear before Sam_g offering him the Dr. Rabbit and therefore the Power of Super Speed, to get Revenge upon Ren which he takes solemnly.

I then erect a huge throne in the centre of the mall, and done my clothing as THE EMPEROR and sit upon it like so (until u defeat all my disciples you may not ascend the throne in any way or get to me):

*cue the imperial march death metal version* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWPlqcIncdQ

Why is everyone so vengeful here?

Ren-Were just cruel people?

I sit on my chair beside my "Master", and then use my new aqcuired powers to posses Sam g. Now that I ahve super spead and have eliminated both his disciples, I use Sam g to charge at the emporer faster than the speed of light. The amount of force that hit the emporer kills him instantly, and then I use my powers to destroy Sam's mind. With both of them dead, I grab the giant flame sword and head back to HMV. I was enjoying the music you douche

Ack - I am transported to another dimension.

Day 1:

I seem to be trapped in a box. I try to look for a door, but no such luck.

I paint one on instead to make it feel more homely.

TheGreatCoolEnergy:
Ren-Were just cruel people?

I sit on my chair beside my "Master", and then use my new aqcuired powers to posses Sam g. Now that I ahve super spead and have eliminated both his disciples, I use Sam g to charge at the emporer faster than the speed of light. The amount of force that hit the emporer kills him instantly, and then I use my powers to destroy Sam's mind. With both of them dead, I grab the giant flame sword and head back to HMV. I was enjoying the music you douche

Again however the mindless foul forgot that i am IMMORTAL< INVULNERABLE, ETERNAL, I am THE EMPEOROR. So after a swift recovery I magic away the 2 power items for him, revive the once loyal Sam_g and grant him the power of super speed and heat beam eyes and then return to my throne (which i set about fixing thanks to the damage caused by thegreatcoolenergy's little display) - p.s. I destroy all the music in HMV and send them to a parallel dimension so that Thegreatcoolenergy may suffer!

BTW on the display screen is displayed for 2 seconds a prophecy: Only those who can unite all the talismans may challenge the power of the EMPEROR!

Using a conveniently placed electrician disguise, I sneak into HMV. I then screw around a bit with the power cables until I manage to overload the speakers, making them explode and killing CoolEnergy.

I am in a parrelle universes mall. Wtf?. Hey they have an HMV. Cool. *Puts headphones on*

My expenditure of power causes a tiny rip in the fabric of existence and bridges the 2 parallel worlds without my knowledge, the cross over point is in the male homosexual porn section)- however the parallel dimension i sent The GREATCOOLENERGY to only plays on song/music the teletubby theame song!

The rip in the fabric of existence start expanding, causing reality to tear itself apart. I gain the ability to shoot laser beams from my hands. Oh, and the mall is being invaded by memes.

I charge my laz0r and shoot Rick Astley in the head.

Ahh the best place to hid it.

There is a huge explosion.

The entire mall is suddenly filled with Rick Astely's own Never Gunna Give you Up, followed by what can only be discribed as a live concert by Hannah Montanna, who then eats THE LAST CHOCLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM AND THE LAST PIECE OF PEPPERIONI PIZZA ON THE TVS THAT APPEAR THROUGHOUT THE MALL. The TV's then explode, followed by Malevolent's Cakling.

The explosions repair the tears in the space-time continuum, returning the mall to its previous state.

I teleport behind Ren And wisper in his ear "Which means I have my full powers again" and then stab him in the heart and nuter him with a Spoon.

I respawn inside the hardware store and make a nailed glove. I go outside and start punching people, ripping their face off.

I respawn somewhere inside of Claymorez' left kidney, and flex every muscle in my body, straining his body like goopy play-doh out of the cracks between his armor. I then narrow my eyes and say "fuck talismans."

And because you're invincible and your disciples are still alive, you aren't dead. You're just a puddle.

ShotgunShaman:
I respawn somewhere inside of Claymorez' left kidney, and flex every muscle in my body, straining his body like goopy play-doh out of the cracks between his armor. I then narrow my eyes and say "fuck talismans."

And because you're invincible and your disciples are still alive, you aren't dead. You're just a puddle.

)Also invulnerable to an extent - however u do cause me excessive pain and so) Feeling huge pain in my side I run towards the local hospital to have what I believe to be a Kidney stone removed, "I really need to watch what I eat".

I put on a surgical mask and disguise myself as a doctor. "Now Mr. Claymorez, that heart needs to come out!" I slash him open with a scalpel and remove all his major organs.

sam g turns around "Scalpel. Scalpel. I said SCALPEL. Nurse? Are you texting in the OR again?"

A drop of blood falls on sam's face. He looks above and sees the nurse's heedless body hanging upside down and me, jumping on top of him and killing him with a scalpel, a pair of thongs and a sowing needle.

I respawn standing behind Ren, and I grab him and break his neck. Then I loot my own corpse for my old weapons.

I respawn in the pharmacy, grab a syringe with epinephrine/adrenaline and inject sam with it.

His heart rate goes up and his heart explodes.

Day 2

I met this crazy man in the box, but he told me some very good advice to get out of the box.

I expected to be sent right back there, as I had been banished from the dimension of the mall, but for some reason I didn't... the only possible expanation is that the evil Emperor claymorez is cheating again with his god powers and sent us into a parallel dimension.

As I gather my senses, I notice that there seem to be a load of memes around the mall.

I hide from weegee who comes round the corner, but then notice the 'OVER 9000!!!!' upgrade.

I grab it and head off towards claymorez, who no doubt by now has cheated with his god powers again and made himself immortal.

Oh no! Bryghtside has unleashed the memes again!

I grab a mudkip by the head and stab it violently with my syringe.