Finish the sentence...

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...when you're eating raw ingredients, you can never have too many chefs.

A woman is driving her minivan through an upper middle-class neighborhood when she spots a blouse identical to her own (but ragged) in the road; upon closer inspection, her doppleganger runs toward her from the distance like a zombie and...

...asks "Damn, girl, where'd you get that fine haircut?"

She really knows how to...

...go nuts and abuse her children while crying bloody at her own front door at the same time.

If an axe-murderer is in your sitcom intro, you need to...

...change your game.

Why don't you just...

...turn off your casting card if the light of it gives away your hiding spot?

When a teenage girl very slowly sinks through the solid floor, the best thing to do is...

...go for your crucifix.

A man walks into a...

game of thrones recreation.

How did you know I could? On the first day we met. I saw the future of. . .

...mine.

Austin 3:16 says...

I'm lost! This isn't Sparta!

"you have my sword." "and my bow!" "and you have my. . .

...gratitude for these Game Shark codes.

Friends will be...

priceless

My town just passed an utterly ridiculous law making it illegal to. . .

...belch in public places.

To my old friend...

...who is standing on the X...I leave my ravenous rat swarm, feed them well.

When your idea of a gift/pet for a child is a living headless chicken, expect...

...series criminal proceedings.

Southern hospitality...

...ends when you mistake "serious" for "series".

Ridley Scott's xenomorph should have had several features but didn't, like: fire-proof skin, space-hibernation, and...

...liquefaction.

Give me liberty...

...or give me your death.

When Ron Pearlman and David Haytor discuss war, the only thing they can agree on is...

...war has changed.

Stinky winky...

So David changes Ron's mind, then? Sure, fine, whatever.

... just don't expect me to leave a sentence to complete.

Just when I thought it was over...

....a new song started.

Dressed to...

survive spontaneous combustion!

I drink to forget. . .

...the people I cannot abide.

You dare threaten me with...

...flowers and chocolates?! I'll kill...

...every motherfudger who doesn't clean up after themselves.

Very big, wobbly...

...jello fortresses are no match for my pizza fighter jets!

But a spaghetti tornado turns both into...

...absolute messes.

Just a little further...

is what you said 10 miles ago!

I learned the hard way not to try to cheer up a grieving friend with. . .

...ex-lover jokes.

Keep your hand on your...

steering wheel.

The internet: hours of fun, easy to use, and perfect for. . .

...almost anything.

Just a small mouthful of...

(thank you for not saying porn!)

bees to teach you a lesson!

FALCON . . . !

...shooting is illegal.

Nine out of...

1,000 planets agree: this city sucks.

WE BUILT THIS CITY...

...371 years ago and it's like a little gold rush town.

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