Finish the sentence...

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...Whoop-Ass in a can!

Quick! Look over there while I...

roast a porcupine.

Donald Trump's first act is president will be. . .

...something or other.

My Dear Watson...

I do believe you've stumbled upon President Trump's plot to commit genocide against Mexico!

The difference between you and me is...

...you're a weeaboo.

2017 is going to be...

...the year I quit Gamestop.

In a better world, the United States of Africa accomplished...

...proper road safety.

A true warrior...

...forgot his sword at home.

On the beach, I once found a...

...cartwheeling crab.

Hercules the...

banjo-playing scientist saved the world from...

...brain-rotting television.

When in Rome...

...take long naked walks through family-friendly shopping centers, it's completely legal.

The one thing you shouldn't do in that situation is...

...make weak excuses.

Vote Helghan for...

...President of the Helghast Regime!

Xbox loyalists have so much to look forward to, like...

(crickets chirping)

Hey I just got this awesome new game! Want to play? It's called. . .

...duck, duck, goose.

Guess what time it is?...

...Aaaaaadvertisement Time!

So there's this bear in the forest, just looking around, and...

...snuffling for honey.

I like eating butter because...

...when you're eating raw ingredients, you can never have too many chefs.

A woman is driving her minivan through an upper middle-class neighborhood when she spots a blouse identical to her own (but ragged) in the road; upon closer inspection, her doppleganger runs toward her from the distance like a zombie and...

...asks "Damn, girl, where'd you get that fine haircut?"

She really knows how to...

...go nuts and abuse her children while crying bloody at her own front door at the same time.

If an axe-murderer is in your sitcom intro, you need to...

...change your game.

Why don't you just...

...turn off your casting card if the light of it gives away your hiding spot?

When a teenage girl very slowly sinks through the solid floor, the best thing to do is...

...go for your crucifix.

A man walks into a...

game of thrones recreation.

How did you know I could? On the first day we met. I saw the future of. . .

...mine.

Austin 3:16 says...

I'm lost! This isn't Sparta!

"you have my sword." "and my bow!" "and you have my. . .

...gratitude for these Game Shark codes.

Friends will be...

priceless

My town just passed an utterly ridiculous law making it illegal to. . .

...belch in public places.

To my old friend...

...who is standing on the X...I leave my ravenous rat swarm, feed them well.

When your idea of a gift/pet for a child is a living headless chicken, expect...

...series criminal proceedings.

Southern hospitality...

...ends when you mistake "serious" for "series".

Ridley Scott's xenomorph should have had several features but didn't, like: fire-proof skin, space-hibernation, and...

...liquefaction.

Give me liberty...

...or give me your death.

When Ron Pearlman and David Haytor discuss war, the only thing they can agree on is...

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