Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

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Mall fight is simple everyone is trapped inside a giant Mall and you cannot ever escape the mall. Within the mall is every type of shop containing every type of item (no God power item however although there is basically everything else even a Kiano Reaves statue (not sure you spell his name that way :P)

Aim:
Kill everyone in funny ways using items, no one stays dead for ever and when you die you choose where to respawn (but not behind ppl has to be specific location - so no instant revenge i.e. I spawn behind ____ and kill them) - everything else is permitted, and describe speech etc and make it funny so i'll get the ball rolling!

Note:
No prior experience required and can pick up by just reading the latest page + feel free to read a brilliant comedy from page one if you want!

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This is for the old one (feel free to read it it was brilliant and read it to get an idea of how the thread works):

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/362.150020?page=28
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/362.150020?page=41

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I enter the mall and run into the kitchen appliance store and grab a cheese grater, some fairy non-bio liquidtabs and an unwitting dead turkey and then stalk off into the mall ready to kill!

I parachute into the mall clenching a home made sword, within ten seconds I will get to taste glorious bloodshed.

I turn a corner and run into excitednuke and then slap his face with the cheese grater before jamming the turkey down his throat and suffocating him to death!

"Taste your own bloodshed m8!"

I then throw the fairy non-bio tabs on the floor and urinate on them and they then explode into giant soap curdles which i then step on and then use to slide away!

I take a deep sigh, inhaling the ambiance of the mall.

It was good to be back.

Then I make my usual rounds to the Gamestop i know and love.

I jump out of the rafters of the Gamestop and grab a copy of Modern Warfare 2, ripping the case open I smash the disk in half. The shattered disk makes an excellent weapon,

"Bring it bitch!"

I rig a Lawn mower to be lift and charge at Shapsters! Mulching him to peacies

I respawn in the clothing store, I suddenly come up with the great idea to get naked and attack people in the nude. Withing a few seconds I run out of the store naked prepared to kill however i see first.

"Fear my naked glory fools!"

I spawn in the toy store and arm myself with a "Susie Laughs-A-Lot" doll.

"Now, where are you suckers?"

Runs around with his PeopleMower and mowes down Nuke again

I jump in and, using an old trick from the first MF, make an enormous garrote wire and choke everyone to death.

First, I run into the hardware store and grab about 5 extension cords, then I run into the power grid...outlet...thingy in the depths of the mall and grab the main cord. Running into the center of the mall, where there's a conveniently placed fountain, while plugging in extension cord after extension cord, I hold the end up dramatically over my head.

"Taste the power of light, besshes!!"

I drop the cord into the fountain and dodge roll away. The cord hits the water and super-charges all the lights to a point where it's one look up, and your eyes are toast.

I put on my sunglasses and smile triumphantly.

I roll into the mall through a window, grab two particularly long shards of glass and wield them like two swords.

I yell, "COME GET SOME!" from the floor above everyone else.

I come out of the Gamestop to see CA yelling with glass in his hands. I push him over the 2nd floor ledge to put him out of his misery.

Then i notice a bright gold bracelet on the ground nearby. I run over to it and put it on. Suddenly, Blue, Energy-based, Wings sprout out of my back. My arms turn white and spikes sprout out of them. My hands shape into claws, and my right hand glows a bright blue. My eyes widen in astonishment.

“Holy shit! I've transformed into my “Avatar Adventures” Forme!” I exclaim.

I take to the skies, transforming my H.a.L.O (the gold bracelet) into a long, spiked staff (aka it's infinty staff form). I look down towards the other combatants.

“Ok bitches. Let's do this” I say. A grimace forms on my face.

I jump up, drop my glass weapons and pull out my DS and a Chrono Trigger cartridge. I slam the cartridge in, turn it on and enter a code.

I lift about a foot into the air. My hair turns white and grows longer as my clothes change in a flash of light. A warscythe appears in my hand, and I drop back to the floor. I pick up my DS and stick it in a hidden pocket.

"Bring it on, you angel freak. No one defeats Magus." I jump up to the second floor and send a bolt of lightning straight at Pm0n3y's face.

I jump onto CounterAttacks back while naked and started biting at his neck and other weak points.

"Fear my naked wrath!"

As the bolt of lightning streaks towards my face, I block it with my right hand. My hand asorbs the blast, and my smile widens even further.

“Alright motherfucker, you wanna play? Okay?!”

My right hand brightens. I point it towards CA/Magnus, and ExictedNuke.

“This hand of mine glows with awsome power!! It's burning grip tells me to defeat you!! Take This!!”

SHINING FINGER!!!

The powerful blast hurtles towards CA and Nuke. When it touches them, they shall disenigrate.

I twist in midair, putting Exictednuke between myself and the blast. Nuke vaporises and the blast has no effect on me.
I drop to the 2nd floor and cast Dark Matter. A massive ball of shadow energy appears in midair and promptly explodes.

"There's only one character worth RP'ing in the Mall Fight thread..." I mutter, diving through the fourth wall and landing in a Golf 'N' Staplers store. "...And that character's me..." I shrug off my lab-coat to reveal a pair of staple-guns (Blacky and Whitey) and my good ole' dual-equip golf clubs. "TIME TO DIE, BITCHES!!!"

I spawn in the local supermarket within the mall I grab one of the seasonal Santa hats on display and wear it on my head before heading to the frozen food section and grabbing two turkeys and running outside shouting whatever gibberish comes to mind as I search for any fool unlucky enough to cross me.

I run over to Excitednuke and, shielding my eyes, call out "RONURI AIRANDO!!!" A scary ghost appears behind me and punches Excitednuke a lot. Then his head explodes.

CA/Magnus's Dark Matter blast implodes near me. The shockwave from the blast sends me hurtling into a wall. As i get up, i see a guy running towards me wearing a santa hat and flailing around two turkeys. As he gets closer, two armblades sprout from me, and when he gets close enough I narrowly dodge one of his turkeys and slice him clean in half.

“Hm. I guess he should've used one of his RP characters.” I say, going back into the Gamestop.

I respawn in the food court behind the counter of a taco bell I stick my hand out and fire a quick blast of lightning upwards breaking the lights above me and darkening the surrounding area I jump over the counter and run into a clothing store and hide in one of the racks hoping no one will find me.

"aha the perfect plan" I mutter as I wait for any person unlucky enough to come near me my hands letting off small sparks

I fall down out of the ventilation shaft and land on terribleyetfun and cut him in half from the right shoulder to the left hip with my light saber.

Then glancing down at the corpse as it fries from the lightsaber and electricity cables I mutter, "you look a bit shocked"

My ears prick up at the sound of a terrible pun. I summon my Stand, who throws me at Claymorez, and I break his kneecaps with my golf-clubs before throwing him into a fountain. A really deep one.

as I fall into the water, looking up at sam's grinning face, I begin to smile as I take out whitey the stapler which i pick pocketed in sam_g's haste and then drop it at the 1000ft deep fountain and then as the pressure kills me I respawn in the bookstore - he will never unite the stapler's again!!

Sam_g's eyes only!

Suddenly, the books surrounding Claymorez catch on fire, a steady flame was coming from the entrance of the store. Smoke filled the room and the whole store wa snow aflame. Suddenly, the flame stopped and a voice was heard,

"Dammit, fuckin thing out of ammo already?" a voiced yelled, muffled by a helmet, "Dammit, have to use the ol' Kitty Rifle I suppose."

Suddenly, Master Kitty jumped through the flame and grabbed Claymorez by the scruff of his neck,

"Wait... who the fuck are you? Where is Ram?" Master Kitty shook his head and jumped out of the bookstore, "What exactly is going on here? Wait... am I in a mall?

As master kitty drags me off I get hold of myself again and then smack him in the balls causing him to drop me. Then quick as lightning I grab the closest book, 'the OXFORD DICTONARY" and then bludgeon him to death and walk off.

"amateur".

I wake up in a strangely familiar mall.

I have no memory of what has happened, apart from vague wisps - a chocolate fudge ice cream, some dude making out with a ghost, me making out with that same some dude, and, most prominently, some twat with god powers.

Ah screw it, I think, as even these wisps fade away.

I decide to go into the golf 'n' staplers store and grab a packet of golf tees, stick them to the end of a long stapler, and start bludgeoning claymorez with it.

I transform back to me and then trigger another Associate. An armoured suit forms around me, complete with Tesla cannon.
I jump down from the second floor and fire my cannon at SirBryghtside.

I hit the bullet from the cannon back, and Attack promptly hits it back to me.

It ends up like a tennis match, the rocket going to and fro, until I accidently hit it into claymorez, who is vaporised instantly.

I then grab the THE LAST OXFORD DICTIONARY from his corpse, and throw it at a stunned Attack, killing him.

"Now that's what I call verbal abuse," I say, and I walk off, lighting a cigar.

SirBryghtside:
I hit the bullet from the cannon back, and Attack promptly hits it back to me.

It ends up like a tennis match, the rocket going to and fro, until I accidently hit it into claymorez, who is vaporised instantly.

I then grab the THE LAST OXFORD DICTIONARY from his corpse, and throw it at a stunned Attack, killing him.

"Now that's what I call verbal abuse," I say, and I walk off, lighting a cigar.

:P

I go to the zoo and unlock the elephant freeing the elephant that never forgets.....TO KILL, jump on it back and rampage! - heads towards lightning

CounterAttack:

claymorez:

Excuse me - since when did we care about continuity? I just killed Attack with a dictionary :P

I decide to stuff the lit end of the cigar into claymorez's elephant's eye.

However, I forgot that it weighs a lot more than me, and am crushed. Repeatedly.

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