Because he buried himself alive.

The voices told me too!

You ate my fries.
Not cool!

Because you're trying to hook up with the sister of Frankenstein's monster

I meet a new person with huge Fajitas.

It was a one night stand.
Sorry.

You couldn't control your fiery breath :(

I was planning on leaving you anyway
You liked your cats more than me.

Well you seem to appear to be a pyro.
That's a major turn off.

You're not into pyros.

You kept staring at me in my sleep.
Makes me uncomfortable.

You slept with your eyes open, scary as all hell
(in an unrelated note, I actually do this when I fall asleep when not wanting to, scares the shit out of people on public transport who think I have died)

I left you because you always smile oddly and are the most socially awkward person at parties

And for God's sake, NO ONE CARES WHO MANY POUNDS A FIREPLACE IS WORTH

Because you're kind of insane.

Because I'm insane for you... and clinically... but what are you gonna do about that?

Because you're being sent to an insane asylum.

Because I would mind a visit now and than... padded rooms can be plenty of fun... :p

Because he was sent back in time to assassinate himself.

For being sent into the future to kill cyber hitler from hell...<.<

I left you because you have an obsession with sunglasses

Because all you want to do is bowl.

Because they're a lone ranger...<.<

Because he eats quarters.

For being all untalkative tonight...<.<

For using shifty eyes a lot.

For having a problem with my shifty eyes and glomps...<.<

Because of the bad reception, you kept cutting me off

I left you because of your blank expression!

Because you blew up the moon.

For having a death laser on the moon...

For eating that cupcake!
It was mine! >.<

For expecting people not to take your cupcake.

For only saying that because she wanted the cupcake for herself...