I left you because......

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You have been stealing my bullets for the last year and a half, and using them to save people. I could not abide it any longer, as I want to shoot nuns in the face with the ammunition I have worked hard to steal.

Why did you vanish in the middle of the night?

You have been severely affected by nuclear radiation. Your fingers are 20 inches in length and you always close your 110 eyes when we make love.

Baby come back! Why did you leave me?

Your family has been harassing me ever since we got together. Your mother keeps spreading rumors about me, your sister has been sneaking into my drawers, and your father threatens me constantly. It's not you, it's me. (at least your family thinks it is)

Why did we split the bill last night?

Your face was too rough for me to kiss anymore. Ever since that fateful accident at the burlap factory, you've been excessively passionate, and my lips and face are completely red and raw. Don't take it personally, I just can't stand to be with you for more than five minutes.

Why did you leave me while we were reading?

Because of the accident. You remember, don't you? Of course you do, you were never the same afterwards, which is why we must part. You're not the man I loved anymore. You've become a monster! Just look at yourself, dammit! *slap*

Why did you lock the door to the garage when you knew very well that I was in there?

Well, lets be honest, All you did was sit on the couch and throw soft, red stool at the cat. The house is atrocious and I am at work for 14 hours a day. I am sorry... Kinda...


Ever since you lost your job, you did nothing but sit around and drink! It's like you don't even care anymore! I can't even remember the last time you went out and looked for another job! I can't stand it anymore! Anyway, my sister said that I could move in with her. Why? Because I'm going to GET A F*CKING JOB!
I've been acting as the woman in the relationship a lot lately...

Why don't we ever go out and get drunk like we did before?

Since you started smoking crack, We were never able to talk. You were always jittery and spastic. But now I know how to escape you. I will kill you... I really hope you ate those pancakes I made for you...


I was horny at the moment. Now I'm not.

What are you doing? I-I-IIIIIIIII-...

Dude you fucking shot me!
Why did you lea- wahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Calm down, I'm just going out to get groceries...

Why? Just... Why?

You haven't been supporting the family! You're not making enough money at work, you ignore the kids, you don't help around the house, and when you're free, you just go hang out with your friends! Do I ever get to hang out with my friends? No! Why? Because I am single handedly trying to hold this family together! And don't you give me any of that, "I'm just busy all the time," bullshit! We both know that you haven't done an honest day's worth of work in your life! Just yesterday morning I got you out of bed and said, "Honey, can you make Jeremy his lunch? I'd do it, but I'm really in a hurry." and you said, "Okay honey, I'll do it in a minute." When I picked Jeremy up from school, you know what he said to me? He said, "Daddy forgot to pack my lunch again." I am fed up with your bullshit and I want a divorce.

Why did you let the milk of our relationship sour?

@post below this: No kid deserves that!

You named the kid Jeremy. I HAD to leave you.

Why did you shoot the broken-legged horse that is our marriage?

I thought our evil scariness was perfect for each other so I want you back!
Why you sick basterd!?

I'm Batman.

Why did you use the Bat-repellant on me?

I left you becuase. Well, I'm a vampire.
*leaps at above avatar*

Those teenage girls following you around screaming I felt abandoned T.T

Why did you leave me crushing my hopes for the future?

YOu kept throwing your swords at me and i nor my hats couldn't handle it anymore.

Why must you tear out my emotions

You always wore that damned hat, even while we were in church! I couldn't take the embarrassment anymore!

Why did you leave me cold and alone?

I agreeded with your political agenda no longer.

Why has thou forsaken me?

You kept promising but never gave me a delicious cake.

Ye have left me....why is that

You bought that whole cake thing. Moron.

My first sight in the morning is no longer your face. What happened to us?

You lied about your nationality that wont be had in this empire.

You have dissappeared from me why did you go

You were always looking down your nose at me, as if I was inferior. Me, the one who provides everything to you and always took care of you when you were sick!

Why did you abandon me to the torment of single life?

Because you deprived the whales of even one life.

Why did you run the opposite direction from me very quickly?

You just wouldn't stop laughing. At first I though it was cute, now it scares me.

All you left was a note saying "Baby, this will never work out". Where did you go?

You are on fire. Did you not notice that?
Hey, you're the one set the home defenses against me!

Why have you left me without a car?

I wanted to sell it for spare parts. And for your information, fire is the new black.

My key no longer fits the lock. What happened?

Why did you shoot me?

I left you becuase I have other girls to bite and do.

I couldn't stand your smiling mug any longer.

Why do I find you with a male gigolo?

Well i was trying to be undercover and foil my rival's evil plans but now you've blown it.

I saw you stealing my potions and formula's...why?

Because I was low on health, you potion-hoarder.

Hi-Potions are much better.

Why did you abandon me? *makes sad puppy face*

Whenever you saw me, you'd kick me! In the face!

*covers face* You're leaving...? Why?

You stabbed me with a knife and the blood doesn't even seem to bother you!

Why o' why?

It still hasn't gotten to you that wearing armor isn't fashionable anymore

Why didst you leave me in a sobbing mess?

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