Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted, but a dog will take a poo on your bed while you sleep.

I wish for more juice!

Granted. It's heavily flavoured cow piss.

I wish I had shinigami eyes and a death note.

Granted. When you request the shinigami eyes, you had about 2 seconds left to live. You get no chance to do anything with them.

I wish for more imaginative wishes to ruin.

Granted, but everytime you ruin one, you lose a tooth.

I wish to not be tired. :(

Granted, you are asleep.

I wish I had a large plate of sausage and chips.

Granted. It tastes of cardboard.

I wish for mad hacking skillz.

Granted, but you get caught hacking banks.

I wish to be ambidextrous.

granted, but you lose your hands 10 seconds later.

I wish for more bacon!

Granted, it's human bacon.

I wish for €50.

ChromaticWolfen:
Granted, it's human bacon.

I wish for €50.

Granted, the money falls from the sky onto your head... attached to a 50lb rock. apparently the demigod who answered your wish was originally american and wanted to make sure he didn't misunderstand. he was pretty sure that €50 meant money to the Brits, but didn't want you to be disappointed if he was wrong.

EDIT: I wish to drop my enemies into a vat of hot cocoa. also the hot cocoa is supplemented by being 90% pure sulfuric acid (just call it hot cocoa because I put marshmallows in it and to lure them into my lair.). I'm pretty sure nothing could go wrong here.

Granted, but they survive it without any injuries.

I wish for a cat.

Granted. It blinds you.

I wish I had poison claws, to which I am immune.

Granted, but the poison they secrete smells so horrible you have yourself declawed.

I wish I had a USB interface on my belly.

Verzin:

MammothBlade:
Granted. It blinds you.

I wish I had poison claws, to which I am immune.

Granted, but the poison they secrete smells so horrible you have yourself declawed.

I wish I had a USB interface on my belly.

Granted. You get horrible stomach bugs.

I wish I could try llama meat.

granted. the chef bastes it in his saliva..

I wish I had a puppy.

Granted. It's legless.

I wish for my own pet succubus.

granted. you have so much sex you die from dehydration.

I wish for a taco.

Granted. It's horribly burnt.

I wish I had a revolver. :D

Granted, although the bullets for the gun don't exist.

I wish the Aldmeri Dominion didn't exist.

Granted, now it just goes by another name.

I wish for all the badges on Escapist.

Granted. You can get no achievements, trophies, or what have you.

I wish I didn't have to pee.

Granted. Your liver melts.

I wish for Jaws' teeth.

Granted, but his sister who lives on land comes after you.

I wish for musical talent.

Granted, you are forced to learn from Justin Beiber.

I wish for early access to the Multiplayer portion of the Mass Effect 3 demo.

Granted. It's malware and your computer is damaged beyond repair.

I wish for miming skillz.

Granted. You are then laughed at because you are a mime who is trying to be current, much like a parent using slang.

I wish I could fly for 10 seconds after consuming 15 meatballs.

Granted. Then you swell to the size of a hippo and crash into the ground.

I wish I could turn anyone into a hippo at will.

Granted, but it turns you into a hippo as well.

I wish I had more monies.

Granted. You get 5 yen.

I wish No More Heroes 2 would come to PS3.

Granted but Sony forgot how to count properly and skipped to PS4, so you've got no system to play it on.

I wish for... A Shrubbrey!! with a nice little fence next to it so it makes a quaint little path.

Granted, but you will be forced to buy half the game as DLC.

I wish for food.

Granted. You are buried alive under a mountain of food.

I wish I had three testicles for 3 days.

Granted, but they are painful.

I wish I had more music to listen to.

Granted but to do so I had to kick you so hard your actual one come up to your uvula.

I wish for what I wished for three posts ago but was suckered out of it.

EDIT: NINJA"S EVERYWHERE!!

Granted but its all garbage made by me saying "la-la-la!"

Granted, but it wants you too! *noms.

How I wish, how I wish you were here :P.

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