Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted, but we speak different languages.

I wish to breathe underwater.

Granted, but now you have to stay in the water forever.

I wish to never come back here.

Granted. You get stuck in the dream world forever.

I wish I could access the dream world more freely.

Granted, but doing so turns you into hippo food.

I wish for a massive toblerone.

Granted. It cracks one of your molars.

I wish I had a universal golden skeleton key.

Grant, but it can only be used by skeletons...PREPARE TO DIE!!

I wish for... nothing. Muhahahaha

Granted, now there is nothing.
Forever....

I wish for 7 zimbabwe dollars

Granted. You get scammed for 2000.

I wish for a worthy lieutenant.

Granted, but he has a horrible case of irritable bowel syndrome.

I wish for a gland that secretes caffeine.

Granted, but it's pure caffeine, so the amount that is absorbed through your skin would kill you.

I wish to be a real boy!

Granted, but you don't have a male genitalia.

I wish to be a smart person.

Granted, but your smart new brain is also psychotic.

I wish I had had a subway card with 10 million points on it.

Granted, the next day all subways are decommissioned.

I wish for a copy of Spore.

Granted, but your computers power supply explodes when you install it, killing you.

I wish to eat the tastiest non-toxic sandwich in the world.

Granted, it is a micro meter stall and lasts you a few nano seconds.

I wish Home Movies wasn't cancelled.

Granted. It was postponed indefinitely.

I wish I could walk like spiderman.

granted, but an accident renders you a paraplegic.

I wish I could render my own reality.

Granted. You're transported to another dimension, cutting your reality off from the rest of ours.

I wish I could travel through time.

Granted. You can only travel through time, meaning you can't move in any physical sense.

I wish I could study more.

Granted, that's all you do from now on. You eventually starve to death.

I wish for Coke and Maltesers.

Granted, you get maltesers floating in flat coke.

I wish homestar runner got a cartoon deal.

Granted, turns out to be total bollocks.

I wish to be a Cybernetic Dragon with a kind heart.

Granted, but its heart is the only thing kind about it.

I wish I had the power to draw anything in perfect detail.

Granted. Your brain is cold hard logic though, making you realize that being a dragon is highly impractical, making you decide to change back to normal.

That's the only talent you have, and your super detail drawing skills are made rather redundant because of photos

I wish that my last Exam wasn't the insanely hard one.

Granted, but every other exam you take for the rest of your life will be insanely hard.

I wish I had better food...

Granted. Your drinks are now flavorless from now on.

I wish I could think of a proper wish.

Granted, you have no wishes left to wish for it.

I wish that the mods would hurry up and get back to me.

Granted. You are permanently banned.

I wish my warnings were reset to 0.

Granted, but the next warning you receive will perma-ban you anyway.

I wish I could set something on fire.

Granted but the thing you set on fire is your hat...

I wish my roommate didn't have a weird sleeping schedule so I can get some homework done...

Granted, now he is awake 24/7

I wish I owned more stuff.

Granted... you now have a stock pile of degrading uranium in your living room...

I wish I had the game Dark Souls...

Granted, but it is twice as hard for you.

I wish I had a nuclear weapon.

Granted but it arrived as it was exploding...

I wish for a date next weekend...

Granted, but it is with an 80-year old.

I wish for a new keyboard.

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