Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted, but its in your lower colon and you bleed to death.

I wish I was on the centennial Titanic cruise.

Granted. It doesn't sink as you probably desire, instead everyone gets a nasty stomach bug.

I wish I had tentacles.

Granted, but they are around your vagina.

I wish I had a fresh bottle of vodka.

Granted, but it's spiked and you fall into a coma.

I wish to become King of England.

Granted but an angry Scotsman comes and murders you.

I wish for more Minecraft.

Granted.

I wish that I was done with classes forever. :/

Granted. You are hit by a meteor and die. No more classes, though!

I wish I could conjure objects out thin air by thinking about them.

Granted. But every time you do so, a cancerous tumor appears in/on your body.

I wish I could predict the future.

Granted but it's only the future of James P. Borington.

I wish for a menu.

Granted but it's a menu for Bob's Big Boy.

I wish I had a brain.

Granted, but the brain used to belong to Kim Kardashian.

I wish I had an awesome PC to play Skyrim on so I had access to mods.

Granted. But your computer does not come with an Ethernet port not does it have any available PCI slots for a Network card. So no mods.

I wish I was a little bit taller.

Granted. You are now 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 nanometres taller.

I wish I didn't grow facial hair.

Granted but you now no longer are able to grow any hair.

I wish I was a baller.

Granted. FORE!

*hits you with a golf club*

I wish I understood what a baller was.

Tell you what it was then hit you in the head with a bat to give you brain damage.

I wish I could control time.

Granted but you can only control the time on Mars.

I wish I had a girl that looked good I would call her. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a 64 Impala.

Not sure if two wishes or one....I'll grant it like it is one.

Granted. A girl called "I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a 64 Impala" appears. She has 20/20 vision, however she looks like the elephant man.

I wish I got an A in every exam I do.

Granted. You get an A in every rectal and prostate exam that you do.

I wish that I could live on the moon.

you can! to bad your familly and loved ones cant! enjoy the rest of your life on the moon alone!

i wish my wish wasnt ruined!

Granted, but as you didn't make any other wish it becomes redundant :P

I wish I could breathe under water.

Granted but now air makes you fall asleep.

I wish I could run long distance.

Granted, but you can't seem to stop. Eventually you wear your legs down to stumps, then you end up dragging yourself along, then, finally, you end up as a wet lump somewhere with a long smear behind you stretching off in the distance.

I wish ponies farted rainbows.

Fine, but this proves lethal for the ponies and they all die out before you see it :P

I wish the above poster had a wish.

Granted but his wish was so evil that your eyes fail to recognise it.

I wish for a restful day.

Granted. You're dead.

I wish my 5 hour chili was finished cooking.

Granted. But it's undercooked and the beans start expanding in your stomach. You die of septicemia due to the new hole in your digestive tract.

I wish that I knew the unified equation that explains all there is and all there will ever be in our Universe.

granted, you know of the words: "the unified equation that explains all there is and all there will ever be in our Universe."

I wish it would snow, just a couple inches maybe.

Granted. Then it quickly turns to slippy black ice.

I wish I were a super genius hacker.

Granted, unfortunately you lost your arms in a freak snowmobile accident and you're in a coma and then were transported back in time to the year 1776

I wish I didn't have a sense of morality sometimes.

Granted. You fall into a moral event horizon, never to be seen again!

I wish my vote was worth 51% of the entire electorate.

Granted. You still manage to elect the party that destroys the country.

I wish for fish.

Granted. You get a Lion fish, with the stingers still attached.

I wish everything fun was banned.

Granted, but you are a fun person so..... off with his head???

I wish I could walk through walls.

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