Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted. You get a job at a sperm bank collecting "specimens" from donors with no arms.

I wish I wasn't judged by my ravishing good looks.

Granted! You are now judged by your handwriting, and also you're less ravishing. Much less ravishing.

I wish my coworker would quit acting like she's so much better than me.

Granted, now she acts like she's so much better than God.

I wish for immortality.

Granted. But you're now stuck at the bottom of a lake, in a box, for the rest of your life. Oh wait... Forever!

I wish for a rubber ducky!

Sure, but you find out that it was ernie's rubber ducky. He's gone batshit crazy without it and has sold his soul to the devil in order to kill the person who has it(you)

I wish I could join the publisher's club.

Granted, but then the site shuts down.

I wish for a pet elephant named pookey.

Granted. But it suffered from a permanent case of diarrhea.

I wish for a pack of Jolly Ranchers.

Granted, but it's empty.

I wish for a time machine.

Granted but it only takes you to the date December 9th 10,000,000,000 AD (The most boring day in recorded history).

I wish for a cure to my herpes.

Granted, but you get aids instead.

I wish I could speak Japanese.

Granted. But a virus is unleashed that infects all Japanese speakers with hemorrhagic fever.

I wish I could speak Italian.

Granted, but you speak in a very irritating axxent, so much that everyone you talk to beats you up senselessly.

I wish to develop a silly walk

Granted, you lose one foot.

I wish to have super strength.

Granted. You now have the strength to lift 10 pounds above your head. Hey it's super compared to what a baby can lift.

I wish to have fun.

Here you go, fun(tm).
the best brand of beans in ghjkland.
recommended by 9/10 ghjknian moms.

I wish I would become a real boy!

Granted, you now become a real boy, and are immediately hit by a bus.

I wish that people would stop ruining wishes.

granted. But computers, animals and other things will keep ruining it. And Chuck Norris too. He's not a human you know.

I wish I could see Kim Jong Il, Stalin, Mao Tse Tung, Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, and Rick Moranis have an all out war and live to see who the winner is.

Granted, but just after seeing who the winner is, he shoots you.

I wish the predictive text function on my phone actually worked.

Granted! It works fine, its just now set in Japanese, which you won't totally understand.

I wish for Morgan Freeman

Granted, but his voice is replaced by Jennifer Aniston's :P

I wish for Gordon Freeman.

Granted, but he's shaved his beard, so he's not nearly as cool as before.

I wish for The Doctor.

Granted, you get doctor Phil. :P

I wish for a portal gun.

Granted, but Wheatly built it.

I wish for The Holy Hand Grenade

Granted but it doesn't come with a pin and blows up as soon as you grab it.

I wish for a Moogle a real one, not the stuffed plush moogle I have already.

Granted, I don't know a Moogle was but here's a Furbie.

I wish for a perfect wish and wish for that.

Here you are... a DVD of "the perfect wish" you're lucky, this is the last copy of the movie that sucked so hard, its almost nonexistent.

I wish for a bad movie

Granted. But that perfect wish ruins you forever because after perfection, everything else is crap.

I wish for a cheetaur as a pet.

*prints the picture* here you go. take care of it, don't let it get soaked in water.

I wish for a teddy bear

Granted. But it's stuffed full of heroin and you are arrested by the DEA and spend the rest of your life in ass-rape prison.

I wish for a chocolate milkshake.

Granted. But since you put me in prison, I put poison in it.

I wish to get out of here.

Granted. I you are able to get the Get of of Jail for Free card from my corpse but are promptly put back in for my murder and then executed.

I wish to be alive again.

You are alive again, but you are stuck in your casket, 6 feet underground.

I wish they weren't able to find any evidence that I killed you

Granted. But they fake the evidence anyways.

I wish this casket had air holes.

Granted but the casket was recently thrown into a lake.

I wish for a pond in my backyard.

Granted. Its a pond of shit.

I wish for a new crash bandicoot game

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