Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted. Now go sit in a corner and reflect on your actions.

I wish no one wins the last one to post wins :D thread

Granted. The forum Gods accidentally delete the post with no clear winner as everyone was hitting the post button simultaneously.

I wish for my teddy bear.

Granted. Now here's a friendly PSA courtesy of smosh.

I wish for unlimited wishes

Granted. You make a wish that undoes the entire universe.

I wish for a tuna sandwich.

Granted. You open a can of tuna and find a Dolphin Fin inside... then Capt. Paul Watson shows up at your door and shoots you with a flare gun.

I wish for a platter of Blue Fin Sashimi

Granted, I was the one to make it and since I don't know what Blue Fin Sashimi is I under cook it and you die of Food Poisoning.

I wish to have a bottle of coke that never runs out or goes flat.

ChromaticWolfen:
Granted, I was the one to make it and since I don't know what Blue Fin Sashimi is I under cook it and you die of Food Poisoning.

Sashimi is slices of raw fish. You can't under cook it. So I won't die from it. So I win!

On Topic:
Granted. You can a bottle full of Cocaine. However the police gets wind of your find and arrest you. Since it's a bottle of cocaine that never runs out, you're charged with narcotics distribution (1 trillion kilos!). On the plus side you have a beautiful romance with your new cellmate, Jed.

I wish for a moon rock.

granted, you are on the moon: Grab as many rocks as you want. Oh wait....No space suit YOU DIE!
I wish I was not shut down massively by my crush today

Granted...I can't do this...I QUIT!I wish you didn't say that. xD

I wish that I was an assassin.

Granted. You're an assassin but the world's worst assassin. You are captured before your first assignment is even handed to you.

I wish that punching people was an acceptable form of greeting.

overpuce:
Granted. You're an assassin but the world's worst assassin. You are captured before your first assignment is even handed to you.


Something like this?

Also granted.

you go to another country and forget about it. You punch the Australian PM and you get arrested and call a man sugar daddy for the rest of your life.

I wish to be the one in a horror movie that survives.

Granted, but you go crazy and spend the rest of your days in a madhouse.

I wish for a kitten that won't kill me.

Granted. It kills each and every one of your loved ones instead. And you contracted a fatal disease from the lice that lives on the cat. You die.

I wish for cirque du soleil

Granted, it is on the moon, with you.

I wish for this planet to have a second moon.

Granted. But due to the additional gravitational pull of the second moon, the ocean levels rise and everyone dies, except for the 1% because they all own yachts.

I wish for society to be smarter.

Granted, we become so smart that we realise we deserve extinction, and we destroy ourselves.

I wish for something to do when I'm bored.

Granted but it becomes boring in a picosecond. Well at least you had fun for a picosecond.

I wish for a ban hammer.

Granted, but it only works on yourself.

I wish for a potato farm

Granted. McDonald's sues you for launching a full frontal assault on it's main potato farm....you get convicted to life in prison with a man in the same cell your call sugar daddy.

I wish for...nothing.

Granted, the universe disappears and leaves nothingness.

I wish for everything

Granted but everything appears inside of you and you explode due to the everythingness.

I wish for a gram of happiness.

Granted. You get crushed by everything in the world. You die, everyone hates you and your country is buried under a pile of everything. Are you happy?

I wish for things I need.

Granted. But they're stolen by master criminal The Night Angel.

I wish for the things I want.

Granted, but they're all broken.

I wish for thunder and lightning.

Granted but it's happening where I live

I wish for a takeaway tonight.

Granted but it was taken out of somebody else's bin.
I wish I could fly

Granted, you fly too close to the sun and burn.

I wish that I had a Tardis.

Granted you have a Tardis during the Last Great Time War. With no way to escape you die in battle.

I wish my shirt was green instead of navy.

Granted but it's an awful neon green that was hip in the 80s. People make fun of you for being behind on the times.

I wish I could smoke a Cuban cigar right now.

Granted. You light it up, and it explode it. Ain't I a stinker.

I wish that people would make new episodes of Tom and Jerry that are actually GOOD and FUNNY

Granted but they are lost in a fire.

I wish for pancakes.

Granted. However they're burnt.

I wish I ran Mitt Romney's Presidential campaign.

Granted. Romney fires you for actually being sane.

I wish for a TAR-

ChromaticWolfen:
I wish that I had a Tardis.

God damn it! Fine...I wish I had a sonic screwdriver.

Granted. You get the Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver, and he's none too happy that you've stolen it.

I wish Thief 4 was out.

Granted, it's now a JRPG.

I wish for bunnies.

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