Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted you now also have cocaine addiction like Sherlock Holms.

You get so much love that you become a smug arsehole.
I wish for something blue.

Granted. however you have to decapitate everyone you know. (Highlander reference)
I wish to marry Alice for she has "large tracts of land" (Monty Python reference)

granted but Steve Wilson refuses.
I want to sing!

Granted. You are also shot like a bird.
I wish to eat a bird

Granted, but the bird remains alive and pecks it's way out of you from the inside.

I wish I had a laptop that would not freeze.

granted, it burns you. Third degree burns!
I wish for lucrative business

You are now a zombie. On a quest for the biggest brain. Can I call you Stubs?
I wish for weapons to tackle Stubs

Granted, it is so enormous that you can no longer move without a massive crane holding your head up.

I wish Netflix had more good stuff to watch online, WITHOUT changing their pricing strategy.

Granted.You can't breath in space though. YAY CHOKING TO DEATH!
I wish for my uni course to finish

You do the wrong course and fail to get a job, you die homeless and lonely.
I wish for a new computer

granted. You can now talk to your shadow.
However people think you are crazy. You get put in a mental institution.

when women hear you play they become so wet they drown.
I wish for an argument!

Ja Rule made it rain down murder. Sorry man.
I wish for my fists back

granted. He clones himself and eats your family.
I want a millionaire so fucking bad

granted but you can't do another musical reference ever again!
I wish for this thread to be locked

Granted. However peoeple still like the idea so a clone of it is set up after a few hours.

I wish I had the ring of Hircine.

Granted, but then you are smitten. Don't mess with Daedric princes....

I wish I knew more...

Granted, but it gets run over.

I wish to discover a new species... (can't see how this could go wrong... :P )

Granted, but I rule it and you now work for me MWAHAHA.

I wish for TIME TRAVEL!!!

granted, you travel back in time and are promptly crushed by a falling piano, dropped out of a building by your great great grandfather.

I wish for a working shower.

Granted, the shower covers you in motor oil than explodes.

I wish I could take over the world...

Granted. You get bored of ruling the world and commit suicide.

I wish for a turtle that won't die in 20 years and has no defects or infections.

Your turtle is a perfect specimen... of a gargantuan monster turtle that destroys your home.

I wish for the internet wired into my brain.

Granted, but you get an information overload and your brain explodes!

I wish I could play Dawnguard right now...

Granted. You play it in a virtual reality system which goes according to your get picked up by one if the puppet men and get torn apart. :D

I wish that Turkey (The country) got called Baguette.



...I LIED!

I wish Puse would die on the Diarrhea!

Granted, instead, they heavily criticize you constantly on everything and make you feel horrible...

I wish to pass my exams with a good grade!

Granted, they laugh at your face and throw your masters degree in a fire!

I wish I could destroy humanity!

Granted. You just killed an adorable little girl named Humanity.

I wish there was species of octopus that had penises for tentacles. And I wish to throw my male enemies into the tank with said octopus.

granted but they wont understand you

i wish the weather was nicer

Granted. There is now a lovely summer vibe on the moon :P

I wish for all the money

Granted, It's all counterfeit and you are sent to prison for life.

I wish I could get more sleep...

granted you have been asleep for 9,9,9,9,9,9,9,9...

i wish house cats didnt exist.

Granted, wild cats replace house cats and slash the shit out of everyone!

I wish I had time to kill...

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