Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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granted.


I wish for a never ending pint of beer

Granted. the glass breaks, and it floods beer.

I wish for... a kid.

Granted, but it's one of those Bait Kids. You are arrested and sent to ass rape jail.

I wish to listen to Bach.

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you

Is that Bach?

I wish for ICE CREAM!

Granted, but it's flavored with the blood of your ancestors.

I wish for Keith to shut up.

Granted. But because Keith doesn't talk anymore, the world stops spinning. Since the world stops spinning, the sun settles in a stationary position over your house. You die of dehydration.

I wish for cake.

the cake is a lie poisoned cake. You die of dysentery.
I wish for a world without spelling or grammar errors

Granted. The world now has no written language. You cannot read what I am typing now. You die because you don't understand the instructions printed on the side of a fire extinguisher.

I wish for a top hat.

Here is your top hat sir. Did you want It on fire? No.....? Too bad son,".
I wish for a sandvich

Granted. However Heavy has noticed that you stole his Sandvich and turns you into a puddle of red goo using Sasha.

I wish for Sasha.

granted, but you also got backstabed
I want a flamethrower

Granted but you get no fuel. And you get backstabbed

I want a Sniper Rifle.

Granted. The recoil ends up breaking your shoulder. And you don't have a Razorback, so you get backstabbed.

I wish for the Engie's PDA.

granted, but you are on randomizer and that is all you get.
I want fish to hit people with

Granted, but it stinks so badly it somehow causes Cardiac arrest in your victims, and you are imprisoned for murder.

I wish I had pheromones that made me attractive to females.

granted but you forgot to mention what species so I sprayed you with a pheromone that will make cats wild for you.
I wish for a car

Granted. Once you started driving, you noticed that there's a bomb attached under it, and if you go under 40 mph, it will explode.

I wish for an action movie

Granted. It is directed by Uwe Boll and produced by Micheal Bay. it is so bad you bleed to death after watching it.
I wish for a monkey

Granted. It plays constant sadistic pranks.

I wish for UNLIMITED POWER.

just stick a knife in an active toaster bro :)
I wish for the only thing that I will ever hear is nyan cat

Granted. You become sick of it, then hate it utterly and completely and go insane.

I wish I could temporarily null gravity.

granted. Aliens come and make you sex slaves however.
I wish I could be naked in public and it be the norm for people

Granted, but you are constantly followed by a swarm of flying dicks which go after your butt.

I wish I could mind control anyone with a weak will.

granted. You mind control a scientist and make him build a robot, thus bringing judgement day.
I wish for party!

You have the awesomest party ever!!!!
You get arrested hours later because Illegal drugs were found in your house. And because you were too loud.

I wish that everybody is used to being nude in public and nobody questioned why.

granted. Earth has been taken over by Kim Jon Un who insists on playing the sims using people as the characters. His first move was to install a nude mod.
I wish for Phil Spector not to be in jail

Granted. He gets crushed by a chunk of space debris.

I wish for supreme intellect.

granted. You are so much smarter then anyone else on the planet universe that you hate everyone because of their stupidity and it turns you depressed. You commit suicide!

I wish to be friends with an "adult actress" ;)

Granted. She has herpes and AIDS however.

I wish I had friends.

granted. You are now friends with Charles Manson.
I wish I had a pet cat

Granted. But it hates you and tries to suffocate you every time you go to sleep. It even poops in your cereal.

I wish I had a smarter pet dog (my current dogs are stupid).

granted but you now change your name to Wallace. Call the dog Gromit.
I wish for the sentient captcha to take over the world

Granted. However, it now uses human blood to write the captchas. You're the first human made captcha.

I wish for a Good Smurf.

Yeah.........about that. I fed him to Gromit your dog.

I wish for a Wii U

Granted. But I've taken it apart. Here's the pieces.

I wish for The Unfinished Swan

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