Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted but you can only play 5 seconds of it.

I wish for lots of Evangelion merchandise.

granted, but its all melted into one horrible plastic lump.

i wish the game of thrones series was more like the books

granted, but its all melted into one horrible plastic lump.

i wish the game of thrones series was more like the books

granted, it is now more like the twillight books.
I wish @enrampagement would stop double posting.

Granted, you scared away the new guy.... happy now?? :P

I wish for more escapists.

Granted, they are all trolls and everyone hates you for ruining the forums.

I really wish, to have a fish, so juicy sweet.

Congratulations! You are pregnant......WITH A FISH!
I wish my facial hair was more mature.

Granted. You grow a stylin' Pedostache.

I wish for less pubic hair.

you have the pubic hair of a twelve year old. and the facial hair of a twelve year old. Infact you are now twelve years old.

I wish for organisation skills

Granted, but that's only because you now have OCD.

I wish for super duper deductive skills.

Granted you now also have cocaine addiction like Sherlock Holms.
I wish for the ALL THE SPINNY CHAIRS!

Granted. They all land on top of you.

I wish for the best thing in the world known to man.

You get so much love that you become a smug arsehole.
I wish for something blue.

Granted. You're skin turns blue as you asphyxiate on your own vomit.

I wish for immortality.

Granted. however you have to decapitate everyone you know. (Highlander reference)
I wish to marry Alice for she has "large tracts of land" (Monty Python reference)

Granted. However her large tracts of land are rather saggy and dry.

I wish for the whole world to sing Freebird at the same time.

granted but Steve Wilson refuses.
I want to sing!

Granted but you become deaf upon hearing your own singing voice.

I wish to fly like a bird.

Granted. You are also shot like a bird.
I wish to eat a bird

Granted, but the bird remains alive and pecks it's way out of you from the inside.

I wish I had a laptop that would not freeze.

granted, it burns you. Third degree burns!
I wish for lucrative business

Granted. But the police shoot you for being part of the drug trade.

I wish for a bigger brain.

You are now a zombie. On a quest for the biggest brain. Can I call you Stubs?
I wish for weapons to tackle Stubs

Granted, it is so enormous that you can no longer move without a massive crane holding your head up.

I wish Netflix had more good stuff to watch online, WITHOUT changing their pricing strategy.

Granted. However because more people now subscribe to netflix as a result, the internet lags severely. World communications is crippled and everyone dies because I said so.

I wish I could punch the moon in the face.

Granted.You can't breath in space though. YAY CHOKING TO DEATH!
I wish for my uni course to finish

Granted. You ditch the rest of your classes and FAIL. FAILURE!!!

I wish to go back to school.

You do the wrong course and fail to get a job, you die homeless and lonely.
I wish for a new computer

Granted, however it's one of those hand crank deals that run Linux.

I wish to meet the Nega version of me.

granted. You can now talk to your shadow.
However people think you are crazy. You get put in a mental institution.

Granted. You get a ruined wish

I wish to be able to play the guitar so well, it literally blows panties off of women.

when women hear you play they become so wet they drown.
I wish for an argument!

Granted. You get in an argument of fists. Unfortunately you lost your fists in a terrible fisting accident.

I wish for rain.

Ja Rule made it rain down murder. Sorry man.
I wish for my fists back

Granted. But they're mangled from being nibbled on by the Florida Cannibal.

I wish for more Florida Cannibals in the news.

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