Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted it's miraculously bad.

I wish for a better graphics processor.

Granted but the rest of your computer is completely trashed by a gremlin.

I wish for a Pizza fight!

Granted, moldy rotten pizza is used and whoever is hit has to eat the rotten slice.

I wish to reach for the stars.

Granted, you are catapulted out of the atmosphere in order to hurtle towards one. In a long time you will touch one. I hope you can hold your breath.

I wish for a super computer.

Granted, it is so smart it kills you and tries to take over the world!

I wish for Pringles.

Granted, but they are all smashed up when you open the pack.

I wish for another drink.

granted. It's hot coffee. I spilled it on your face.
I wish for slapstick.

Granted, you get slapped. By a huge walking stick.

I wish for the extermination of violence.

Granted. Instead, people whine all the time. ALL THE TIME.

I wish that the captcha becomes more interesting.

Granted, but it's too complex to work out, thus no one ever posts again.

I wish I wasn't so tired.

Granted, you are now so awake that you cannot sleep...for weeks, despite you feeling tired.

I wish I had the Avengers DVD.

Granted. But you have no means to watch it.

I wish for better loopholes

Granted, all of them ruin your life.

I wish for my bed to be made.

Granted but it gets infested with bed bugs in the process.

I wish for more.

Granted, I give you so much that it sickens you to the point of death.

I wish for more anime.

Granted, you get an anime containing lolicon and the police arrest you.

I wish for more time to sleep.

Granted, but you loss something else.

I wish for no more invisible posts.

Granted, the visible truth is too much for you!

I wish for more people to post on the escapist.

Granted, but they are all fanboys who can't shut their mouths.

I wish for more art.

Granted but all of it is done very poorly on MS paint.

I wish for less corruption in big business.

Agreed, it's all ran by Gabe from valve...HA

No 3s for you!

I wish for my own roast.

Granted, people say horrendous things about you and you kill yourself.

I wish for more romantic comedy movies.

Granted, they all are written by monkeys flinging poo at typewriters.

I wish for less hate.

Granted, the love is mushy and unbearable.

I wish for the Persona 2 Eternal Punishment PSP port to be released (So I can download it on the Vita)

Granted, the cost is your Vita.

I wish for my classes to be less of a pain.

Granted, they are slightly less boring, but 10X longer.

I wish for a Curly Wurly Bar.

Granted, but the bar got too hot during shippind and is now molten and sticky.

I wish for the answers to the univers, the meaning of life and everything.

Granted, 42 (no questions asked)

I wish for some more games for the Vita.

Damn double post.

Granted, but they are all bad ports of already existing games and even worse movie tie-ins.

I wish for a new fancy saeco coffee-machine.

Granted but with a years supply of Kopi Luwak coffee.

I wish for a those Nikey trainers in Back to the Future Part II

Nantucket:
Granted but with a years supply of Kopi Luwak coffee.

I wish for a those Nikey trainers in Back to the Future Part II

Granted, but they aren't your size but rather 3 sizes too small.

I wish for weapon-grade uranium.

Granted, the uranium is unstable and explodes in your face as it gets delivered to you.

I wish for better headphones.

Granted, most expensive quality money can buy...but one of the headpieces is busted.

I wish for a Ferret for a pet.

Granted but it has rabies.

I wish for an H.R.Giger Ibanez S-series guitar.

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