Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted but it has rabies.

I wish for an H.R.Giger Ibanez S-series guitar.

Granted, it's horribly out of tune and you can never fix it.

I wish for more Twitter.

Granted, you're sucked into the internet and must read every single twitter post ever.

I wish for a dish.

Granted, you now have Diffuse Idiopathic Skeletal Hyperostosis
(Forestier's Disease).

I wish I could change the world.

Granted. It is now under alien rule.

I wish for my wish to not be ruined.

Granted, but your wish was for nothing to change.

I wish for more LoL.

Granted.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

I wish for more puns. Good ones.

Granted, they are all used in repetition until they aren't punny anymore.

I wish for a gourmet dinner tonight.

Granted, it's the last one you eat for the rest of your life.

I wish for less Disney singers.

Granted, but the Disney singers are all that play on the radio from now on.

I wish for all the internet lag to stop.

Granted, it is replaced with various pop-ups of "unmentionables".

I wish for better WiFi.

Granted. It's password aecured and you forgot what the password is.

I wish for more ponies

Granted, the number of real life ponies swells beyond humanity's control and the world is overrun, agriculture has been destroyed and they won't even let you ride them!

I wish for a lamp.

Granted, the lamp explodes as soon as you turn it on.

I wish for more rock.

Granted but it's too loud and it makes your eardrums explode, rendering you unable to listen to any of it.

I wish for a grappling hook or a hookshot.

Granted, the chain for the hooks are on 5 cm long.

I wish for the Master Sword.

Granted, the Triforce to complete it is nowhere to be found.

I wish for more Okami.

Granted, it is a cheap cash in and is awful.

I wish for Persona 4 the Golden to get here early.

Granted, there's a glitch that makes your Vita an expensive paperweight as soon as you load the game up.

I wish for more TV.

Granted *throws TVs on you and you die*

I wish to have a tail!

Granted but it gets pulled on constantly by small children.

I wish for everything to be in Film Noir.

Granted, all of it is now black & white...with mimes!

I wish more classes went more quicker.

Granted, they move so fast you learn nothing and fail everything.

I wish we had more time for computers in school.

Granted, you fail every other subject for the next 10 years.

I wish for less strict bosses.

Granted but it fails as soon as you try a really ambitious jump. Enjoy the fall!

I wish for infinite coins.

Granted, they flood the planet and the carnage causes society collapses.

I wish to finish my assignments.

Granted but they get lost before you can hand them in so you have to do them over again in ten minutes.

I wish for more dancing in this thread.

Granted, everyone breaks their legs dancing and blames you.

I wish for more people to join the pub club games.

Granted, everyone forces you to play with them forever.

I wish for more Shoryuken.

Granted but you're always on the receiving end.

I wish the Escapist loaded more reliably.

Granted, but nothing else loads.
I wish that I knew how to travel through time.

Granted, you can only warp back to the moment where the meteor kills all the dinos... and you.

I wish for warmer blankets.

Granted but you're tied up in them and can never escape.

I wish cats weren't evil.

Granted, dogs are evil and more bloodthirsty!

I wish to relax next week.

Granted, the sedatives will make you very relaxed while my thugs rip apart your home.

I wish Canada had a bigger say in foreign affairs.

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