Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted you sleep through a parade in your honor.

I wish for a garden.

You get a garden, but you live in Scotland as thus can never appreciate it by relaxing in it in the sunshine.

I wish for a tactical FPS

I wish for world peace!

Granted the world is now in pieces.

I wish for a never ending summer.

Granted... the world has now stopped spinning... and everyone is dead...<.<

I wish for a a sex robot...

I wish horrible things will happen to who ever grants this wish.

Granted I get horribly drunk and then horribly rich.

I wish for better handwriting.

Granted, you write the prettiest comic sans ever seen.

I wish this wish will be granted in the way I intended and not in the just in the what I said.

Granted, but deep down, you intended the wish to be horrible for you in every way possible.

I wish my dog would stop barking.

Granted he is now eating every one of your socks.

I wish for a glass of rum.

Granted, the rum is really HCL.

I wish for a serum that will grant me perfect physical fitness forever.

Granted. The side effect is that it will make you incredibly stupid.

I wish for more science classes. MORE SCIENCE.

Granted but it's mostly dark ages science.

I wish for the power to dance all night.

Granted, you have the most extreme dancing endurance ever held by a mortal, but in your dancing craze you forget you are mortal and dance for days until you die of dehydration.

I wish for superpowers.

Granted, your superpowers cause you to die within a year due to the strain on your body.

I wish for an immunity to disease.

Granted! A marble statue is unaffected by any virus, bacteria, or allergy that touches it!

I wish I could write wishes in such a way that there is no exploitable loopholes in them.

Granted, but you immediately lose your fingers and the ability to make your wishes known to others.

I wish to be the most powerful being in the universe.

Granted, your alone in an empty reality where you can never die. Have fun with eternity!

I wish to have a control of so other wish granting being that doesn't actively try to harm me.

Granted, it hurts everyone you love instead.

I wish for gambling problems.

Granted, you gamble away your house.

I wish to win big at gambling!

You won BIG! Really big! You got second place in the lottery! Ceaser's Legion lottery! You lucky bastard, you just got broken legs as everyone else got rape, torture, and crucifixion!

I wish my life was miserable, only bad, and horrible things would happen to me!

Granted, it doesn't happen to you, only to the people you love and cherish.

I wish to add more manga to my collection.

Granted have all the Naruto hentai in the world!

I wish I didn't grant that wish.

Granted, but I also granted you that wish again.

I wish my car was a sphinx with tank tracks.

Granted! It is 100 gallons per mile.

I wish I could turn invisible.

I wish for a wish granting being that grants wishes on my intentions and does not twist my words so they give me negative results.

Granted, your words aren't twisted, but 90% of all the bones in your body are!

I wish for more cowbell.

Granted, Grunts from Halo will now shower you in plasma grenades. Oh and I turned on the Cowbell skull.

I wish for more vacation time.

I grant your wish, you get endless vacation time as you are fired.

I wish for good games in 2013.

Granted but due to power outages every time you go to save, blackout.

I wish for a woolly knit hat.

Granted but it is knitted in wire-wool, causing untold scratchiness.

I wish for a quick death.

Granted but the nuclear explosion kills a lot of people you love too.

I wish for more naps like the one I just had.

Granted, but 90% of naps will result in bedwetting.

I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

Granted the other punks laugh at you but you just signed a record deal with Disney.

I wish pop was a better form of music.

Granted, it becomes a tiny bit better, but all other genres no longer exist.

I wish there were less cats on the internet.

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