Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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I wish I had a high end PC.

Granted, it crashes and is rendered unusable after the first boot up!

I wish I had dinner already! (It's like 10PM here)

Granted. It was 2 calories of flavorless nutrients.

I wish for a longer beard.

Granted, it gets a mind of it's own and kills you will it... then it eats your genitals in front of your family...

I wish for... more pepsi.

Granted you get a lake of Coca-Cola, because it's all the same right?

I wish for a comfier chair.

Granted. You now look like an '80s porn star.

I wish they'd make a Sopranos movie.

Granted, it is the worst movie of all time and leads to the death of 4 people. Oh and Kevin Costner plays the leading role.

I wish for another hamburger.

Granted, here is one that we found behind the fryers a month ago!

I wish for more sleep!

Granted, you sleep with the fishes.

I wish Tolkien had specified whether Balrogs have wings and if so can they use them?

Granted, it is now confirmed they they have wings that can be used in confined spaces very easily, meaning that events in the Fellowship are canonically inaccurate. As a result, the books are now being written by Stephanie Meyer and the new films of those books will be directed by Michael Bay once he has finished making a Turtles quadrilogy.

I wish I could afford the things I want.

Granted! You robbed a bank for the money!

I wish I had some apple juice. :[

Granted! You get it from the blokes from American Pie. Enjoy.

I wish Michael Bay would stop making movies?

Granted, instead he uses the money from Transformers to build a new robotic super-Bay to take over from him until the end of time

I wish people would reply to their e-mails

Granted you will now get follow up spam messages.

I wish weathermen would stop being wacky.

Granted! He know is suffering from depression since his wacky weather cast distracted his son from driving, crashing into an 18 wheeler carrying kittens, orphans, and vials filled with Uranium! Now everything he ever loved is either dead or has cancer! :D

I wish I could of made that granting of the wish shorter.

Granted he simply died.

I wish for more music.

I wish these songs were out of my head. >_<

Granted, a guillotine should do the trick.

I wish for the perfect bed.

Granted.

I wish for burritos.

I wish for my credit card bill and student loans to be paid off.

Granted, but to pay them off, you have to sell yourself and your descendants into eternal bondage.

I wish for a 2013 where games' forums are not savaged by angry vocal minorities that endlessly repeat the same thing.

Granted, in the wake of the Connecticut shooting there is a radical move which results in all video games being banned. As a result, games forums cease to exist, preventing both the vocal minorities and the not-so-vocal majorities posting on them.

I wish I had more space for my stuff.

Granted, and here, let me take that stuff off your hands.

I wish Atlus would hurry up and finish Persona 5 already.

You wish is granted, however, Personna 5 is simply Final Fantasy XXIII, with the name crossed out and Personna 5 scribbled on the box.

I wish for peace and quiet

Granted, you are now the only living human on Earth. The millions your wish callously slaughtered are piled in the streets. Feral, flesh-eating dogs patrol the streets. You are alone. For now and forever.

I wish Monday would hurry up.

Granted! It is Monday.

December 14, 3346.

I wish it was never monday.

Granted. The system of days is abolished. As is sleep. You are the unceasing cogs of industry, proletariat! The day matters not! You must look to the health of the motherland before you look to time! Now back to work, and let your hammers ring out all across this earth before you stop again!

I wish for Eccles. 9:2.

Granted, all of your paydays happen to be on Monday, which no longer exists. You are poor forever.

I wish for Sonic '06 not to suck so much.

Granted. The awesomeness to improve the game was taken from every other game in the universe, making them all suck.

I wish for better handwriting.

Granted, you take 5 times as long to write it!

I wish for it to rain today.

You get your wish, an evil friendly corporation decides to dump chemical in your garden, you are treated to ACID RAIN.

I wish for less revision

Granted, you get more mandatory homework!

I wish I had matching curtains for my bedsheets!

Granted, they are both that particular shade of yellow/green that makes you want to vomit if you look at it for too long.

I wish I'd started my preparation earlier.

Granted, you started working a fortnight ago, but the dead was 13 days ago.

I wish I was a lawyer.

granted welcome to hell lawyers in that line please

I wish for the destruction of all life.

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