Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted. You now have a lazy cat named Captcha.

I wish for a pony!

Granted but it is animated and trapped in an endless gif on your phone.

I wish for good food and fun times.

Granted. BUT NONE OF IT IS FOR YOU!

I wish for better drawing skills.

Granted. Your drawings come to life and murder everyone that you care about then enslave you to make more drawings.

I wish for a refreshing glass of iced tea.

Granted the shop was closed so here's a cup of tea with cold water.

I wish for a milk crate.

I wish I had Brain Bleach.

Granted but it's applied the same way as you picture....

Seriously whoa!

I wish for the end to suffering.

Granted. Hope you like the Brave New World!

I wish for less politicians.

Granted. Anarchy reigns.

I wish for a few clones to do multiple things at once.

Granted, but they'll murder you in your sleep for giving them life just as a means to cheap labor.

I wish to wish on eyelashes

Granted. Enjoy your next 37000 lives as eyelashes!

I wish to work more.

Granted. Enjoy your stay in one of Hitler's concentration camps!

I wish I had a time machine...There's something I need to take care of...

Granted. But you can only go backwards in time.
I wish for a shrubbery!

Granted but first you must cut down the tallest tree in the forest......WITH A HERRING!

I wish Monty Python was still around.

Granted, but they do not write any new sketches, they just repeat their old punchlines with no effort.

I wish for some Lego.

Granted, but they are invisible to you.
I wish for a robot with skilled fencing.

He builds more fencing robots and takes over the planet.

I wish I actually loved my girlfriend.

Granted, but she cheats on you a bit later on.
I wish for a cardboard box.

Granted. Said cardboard box is a Mimic that kills you brutally.

I wish for more luck.

Granted. Bad luck though. So much (bad) luck you become the next Bad Luck Brian.

I wish I could be funny on the internet as I am IRL sometimes.

Granted, but you use the same schtick over and over again.
I wish for a sandwich.

Granted. It is made not with bread but with small bags of sand.

And your wish is screwed up, and you cease to exist due to a divide my zero in the thread computer. Don't be sad.

I wish for someone to live the rest of my life without being looked at funny.

Granted. Now everyone looks at you normally but talks to you like you're a baby.

I wish for more interesting games to play.

Granted. Hope you like the shit games out there!

I wish for a better way to fall asleep.

Granted here smell this rag.

I wish for a glass of water from the streams of a mountain in Tibet.

Granted. Have fun getting sick continually for the rest of your life!

I wish for super reflexes.

Granted! Of course, the friction caused by moving so fast my make you burst into flames...

I wish for hope.

Granted here is a Barack Obama look a like.

I wish for Crash Bandicoot to get the game he deserves.

Granted!

*Hands Crash Bandicoot a copy of Super Mario Galaxy*

...What?

I wish that people were more specific about there wishes.

Granted, all wishes now clearly state that they want you to die.

I wish to go to the cinema!

Granted, they're playing a 24 hour marathon of ALL the Seltzer and Freiberg movies. Enjoy!

I wish I was a sexy person

Granted, you are very attractive in the eyes of your mum.

I wish I had a pen.

Granted. It only takes your blood as ink.

I wish for the end of humanity except me.

Granted, you cannot reproduce at all.
I wish for a Bionic Arm.

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