Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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I hereby grant you three dozen copies of E.T. The Game.

I wish I was a voice-actor.

Granted but you get to play all the really annoying characters that everyone hates and are underpaid.

I wish for more hours in the day.

Granted, there are now 48 hours in a day. They are each 30 minutes long.

I wish that I no longer needed to sleep.

Granted, you still suffer the drawbacks from lack of sleep! Which soon results in death.

I wish for better school computers!

Granted, your school now owns 500 top of the range, 2000 computers. Its just a shame that this causes the local council to run out of money, meaning that your rubbish is no longer collected. Soon the waste piles up so high that it is impossible to get out of your house.

I wish for more friends.

Granted, you now have a huge amount of Friends on facebook, due to a glitch whereby everyone on the site is added as your friend

MrCollins:
Granted, you now have a huge amount of Friends on facebook, due to a glitch whereby everyone on the site is added as your friend

I wish my internet speed was faster.

Dammit, I clicked on Quote instead of edit.

I wish I payed more attention when posting

I'll grant both. Your internet becomes so fast that you go crazy from the amount of attention you have to give.

I wish today is a good one.

Granted but every other day is a bad one.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Granted here is your picture frame.

I wish for more power tools.

Granted. You now own every soldering iron on the planet, and they are all packed into your bedroom.

I wish for a nice bushy beard.

Granted. The beard continues to grow until it has covered the planet.

I wish for some ginger ale.

Granted, it is made form gingers

I wish for more Forum Games

Granted, except that they are all the same game: 'If you woke up in bed with the above avatar'.

I wish for my own private island.

I wish Stanley Kubrick had directed one more movie.

Granted, you learn that Kubrick directed "The room" under a pseudonym.

I wish that things could be different.

I wish things would never change.

Granted. All that things that are bad and will kill you in the end remain the same.

I wish for potatoes.

Granted, here is a bowl full of the best roast potatoes ever, but there are parsnips mixed in an you cannot tell them apart.

Wow, that was horrible, I may have gone overboard.

I wish I had more self control

Granted, you have no control over others, leading them to abuse your own self control!

I wish I was able to drink more lemonade!

I wish I could of found a better image for that wish.

Granted but it carried a virus and spiked your computer before you could post it.

I wish for less stress.

Granted. I'm pretty sure you don't feel too much stress if you are lobotomized.

I wish I could level up in real life.

Granted but you hit the level cap and get depressed, leading to a suicide so that you can start a new game.

I wish for Magikarp.

Redlin5 used Pokeball on Magicarp!

You have caught Magicarp!

You sent out Magicarp to battle!

Magicarp used splash!

I wish people would be more careful what they wish for.

Granted, but that sucks all of the joy out of life. Human existence becomes a gray, dreary affair. Suicide rates skyrocket, and all altruism dies out. Humanity becomes an apathetic, uncaring mass with no hopes or dreams.

I wish I could sleep.

Granted, but only for half an hour per ever 24 hours.

I wish this online project of mine will take off.

Granted. It takes off right out the window, with your computer as well.

I wish that there was an update to life to raise my level cap.

Granted but it comes as DLC at the price of n+1 dollars, n being the value of everything you own at amy given point it time.

I wish for an Elder Scrolls concert.

I wish for a no loophole abused wish.

Granted, but said wish can only be used to wish for bad things, which will happen without loopholes.

I wish I had some punch. Oh! Or some apple juice. Mmm, apple juice...

Granted. You get expired apple juice mixed in with punch that has been spiked with vodka.

I wish for helium.

I wish for the new pokemon game NOW!

Granted, but it's terrible and completely kills the series forever.

I wish tomorrow's geohash coordinates were close enough for me to reach.

Granted it's in your house and its now the most popular one in the world to go to.

I wish Funk was a better musical genre.

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