Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted. Rock is renamed Funk, with no other changes.

I wish for a crate of Uranium.

I wish people didn't get drunk today.

Granted, instead they get jacked up on meth.

I wish it was March already.

Granted you wake up and it's March already, but you find out that you were in a coma and both of your arms and your left leg are gone now.

I wish to have four fully functional arms.

Granted but you can't control the other 2 and they start punching you

I wish I wasn't easily distracted

Granted, you are now oblivious to everything, including that man running at you with a knife!

I wish I was able to dance better!

Granted! You dance so well you're given your own television show! Which then attracts a stalker who kills, dismembers, and eats you, not necessarily in that order.

I wish I could fly.

I wish I was able to fly under my own power, without the support of any other objects.

Granted, it's too hard to control and you just give up.

I wish to not botch up cooking!

Granted, you can now successfully make some haggis. And only haggis.

I wish for the ability to stop procrastinating.

I will grant it when I feel like doing so.

I wish for another wish.

Granted.

I wish for more original wishes.

Granted wishes up until this point haven't been thought of yet so that last wish was hilarious.

I wish cricket was the worlds most popular sport.

Granted. It will be popular as soon as it gets mildly interesting!

I wish that I was a moderator for this site.

Granted, bt not only are you the most hated nodon the site, but you start with limited mod powers, you can only ;od in religion and politics. Have Fun.

I wish for better tv shows

Granted, but I hope you know Hungarian.

I wish for FREEDOM

Granted, but your sworn duty is to deprive others of their freedom as penance.

I wish for more conventions closer to my area!

Granted. There are now conventions every weekend, but they are all about the cultural importance of styrofoam.
I wish I had better music on my ipod.

Granted, but you now own an ipineapple. Which is silly because you can't listen to music on an ipineapple!

I wish that I can take and pass a bar exam already.

Granted. It should pass through your digestive track by tomorrow.

I wish to be forever clean!

Granted. In order to achieve this, you are tied down in a perfectly clean room and sprayed with hoses on full power from now until the end of time.

I wish for more brains.

Granted. But you only get more when someone know you dies.

I wish, I wish, I was a fish

Granted, but you have no gills.

I wish for Dr.Susse to grant this wish.

Granted, but he will only grant it to you when you're dying and too weak to change it to something useful.

I wish that I had gotten a 100% perfect score on that math test I bombed yesterday. :(

Granted. You will get it once you discover the TARDIS.

I wish for invisibility the ablility to fly at any speed I want

Granted, but you can only fly 3 inches off the ground.

I wish for the ability to scream incoherently in the streets.

Granted, but only when you only do it when nobody is around.

I wish for eternal life my own pet dragon!

Granted, but it is hungry, and you are the only meat nearby.

I wish my recurring nightmare would stop. Seriously, brain, it's been 3 months already!

Granted, but you only get to sleep for 3 hours at a time.

I wish for unlimited resources

Granted, you need none of it and it benefits no one...ever.

I wish for an extension to my current deadlines.

(Oh boy! It benefits me? :D)
Granted, but the world will end tomorrow.

I wish the world didn't end tomorrow.

Granted, but only for you. No one else is spared from the destruction of earth. You then die thirty seconds later due to lack of oxygen. :-P

I wish that I had a working Steam account at this point...

Granted, but Valve goes out of business and Origin takes over its servers, making you pay for everything.

I wish I had a good film to watch.

Granted due to error on metacritic Legally blonde 2 is now "Good". Enjoy.
I wish for more beer.

Granted. But you are now allergic to hops.

I wish to have my master's degree.

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