Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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I wish the next person will wish that they will die.

Granted, the next person is you, yes that's right, we are the same person...deal with it...

I wish I could teleport.

Granted, but you can only teleport 10 feet in any direction.

Nothing to say about a blank space. As punishment, any wish you ask will always be twisted into, "I want to stop existing."

I wish for lots and lots of love!

Granted, but it is exclusively given to you awkwardly through a gaming forum * awkwardly flops arms at Silent in a weak attempt at a hug*

I wish for a little somethin' somethin'

Denied, you didn't specify anything. :-|

I wish to be an adult.

I wish Mullac and me were not the same person.

Granted,
Mullac is a living, thriving person. You are dead.

I wish I could focus in class

Granted, but all your teachers no longer can....

I wish my essays weren't so difficult.

Granted, but you have to write a 10,000 word essay without typing.
I wish that I have all the badges on this site.

Granted, but the site closes down thanks to your stupidity.

I wish I could be patient.

Granted, but nothing is worth the wait.

I wish country music would cease to exist.

Granted, but hip hop and rap soar to record highs in fans and money taken in.
I wish that garden gnomes could walk.

Granted but now they've taken all your stuff.

I wish for more Epic Rap Battles of history.

Granted, just that it's all by artists you probably can't stand, like Justin Beiber.

I wish for insomnia.

Granted, but after 10 years of the insomnia, you die.
I wish for more genies.

Granted, but with that genius comes the ever-knowing truth that there is no point in life, which eventually leads to your suicide.

I wish I had a third hand.

Granted, but it has no fingers and it is on your head.
I wish for a cake.

Granted! It's a fruit cake.

I wish for a refill.

Granted, your toilet is now full!

I wish I could travel through time

Granted, but you can only go back 10 years.
I wish for a computer chip in my brain.

Granted. No free will for you.

I wish for all of my games to work on Linux.

Granted but due to a transfer problem you get......solitaire.

I wish my eye would stop hurting.

Granted, I rip it out.
I wish for a jalopy.

Granted, but it has swastikas graffitied on the windshield. (I've seen it before.)

I wish for a magic lamp.

Granted, YOU'RE the genie.

I wish for more dakka!

Granted, all the bullets are after you.
I wish for more guns.

Granted, the guns won't work as they have the handprint scanners.

I wish for a failed wish!

Granted but you lose the ability to post in the future.

I wish for DNA that involves into a hat.

Granted, but said hat is going to kill you after one second.

One.

I wish for no one to have wishes!

Granted, but it takes effect in 3 days.
I WISH for tropical weather.

Granted, have fun in 90 degree heat forever.
I wish for more wishes.

Granted, but they can only be used to wish for corn.

I wish for America to turn communist.

Granted, Cuba becomes the most powerful nation in the world and is now a democracy.
I wish for a medium-well steak.

Hemlock:
Granted, Cuba becomes the most powerful nation in the world and is now a democracy.
I wish for a medium-well steak.

Granted, one sewer rat steak coming up.

I wish for a pony.

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