Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted, but it is believed you cheated to get it and you are sent to jail.

I wish I had more hours of sleep tonight.

Granted. But only if you fell asleep an hour ago and not a second more.

I wish people weren't so ignorant.

Granted, everyone now knows everything, everything you've ever done. They know, they KNOW and they are coming for you.

I wish for a bigger bed.

That bigger bed will just devour you in it's sheets, suffocating you to a painful death. Of course, if that's your thing...

I wish to tame Satan, Pokemon style!

Granted but using it in battle damns your soul and sets you on fire.

I wish for money without work.

Granted. Every time you need more money, someone close to you will die and you will inhereit all their money.

I wish I was be a pyromancer!

Granted. Have fun being the weakest zombie!

I wish that this site would stop with the sexism and relationship threads.

Granted. The site will now be shut down.

I wish my college wouldn't turn on the AC in the middle of winter...

Granted, they never turn it on in summer either, nor do they open windows.

I wish I had another kit kat chunky!

I wish more wishes were this easy to ruin.

Ah, the thing is, the moment you ruin a wish, it ceases to be a wish. TRY AGAIN.

I wish for a chocolate house! NOT THAT KIND THAT COMES OUT OF INTERESTING STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESSES.

Granted. But it melts in the sun and you end up drowning in the gooey mess.

I wish I had a dinosaur henchman!

Granted, but their arms are too short to really be much use.

I wish for a popcorn making machine!

Granted, but it only works when you are in the bathtub.

I wish for less sadness :(

Granted. Everyone but you will never be sad again.

I wish I understood...well...everything.

Granted, your mind explodes with the info.

I wish I had a Scyther.

Granted, just have fun managing the guy without a Pokeball.

I wish I could fall and miss the ground.

Granted. You miss the ground because Earth is now gone, and since you are in space now, you die from the vacuum.

Granted, whatever you invisible wish is. Oh sorry, I'm mistaken. Whatever you wished for is now given to someone else with full immunity from any disasters whatsoever. Including lack of logic.

I wish to hack into Congress for the lulz. Wait, someone else took that role. I instead wish to be a grand master in chess.

Granted you are now the worlds leading expert on the musical Chess.

I wish music was better these days.

Granted, because it already is, as far as the current generation is concerned.

I wish for big muscles.

Granted, but in order to maintain them you must constantly abuse steroids and now don't have the time for anything but exercise. The steroids also make you impotent.

I wish for a quick death.

Granted! On the universal time scale, 3 million years in agony is just a blink of an eye!

I wish for

Granted, but not to you. Articulate properly next time.

I wish for free Internet on my phone!

Granted but your battery life now only lasts for 2 minutes.

I wish for PM's.

Granted. Enjoy the spambots.

I wish that I could end the world.

Granted but you become so in love with the world that you never use this ability.

I wish for a Latin dance party.

Granted. You are sent back in time to said party and you can never return.

I wish for a clean bill of health!

Granted the bill is for Three thousand dollars.

I wish people where less whiny.

Now you're the whiny one.

I wish for more genius people.

Granted, but in order to balance the offset, there are no more "inbetween" levels of knowledge. You are either a genius or incredibly dense.

I wish for the ability to switch between realities of real life and video games.

I wish for kittens. ^.^

Granted.
Here's a bowl of kitten chow mein.
image

I wish it would stop raining.

I wish for puppies, living puppies! The cute and fuzzy kind! ^.^

Granted. All your friends and family members are now puppies living in your house.

I wish for pie.

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