Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted. It starts drooling over you instead.

I wish for dreams.

Granted but you die in them due to the presence of a certain sinister force. Enjoy the agony!

I wish the console wars were over.

Granted, but now games cost more.

I wish there were enough almonds.

Granted. But unfortunately, THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH ALMONDS!!!! So you destroy the universe as it fills up with almonds.

I wish fora video game. A normal, decent one. An OK one.

Granted, but you've lost your sight.

I wish for that puppy in the window.

Granted. He has rabies and a taste for human blood.

I wish that Ben Stiller would get off my TV...

Granted but he is now on everything else.
I wish that sonic the hedgehog would finally die.

Granted but he's been replaced by Knuckles the Echidna instead.

I wish for the end of the world as we know it.

Granted, and you feel fine.

I wish there was a zombie apocalypse.

I wish that I don't spend this Friday night like I spent the last Friday night.

(Cookie for reference. >.>)

Granted, you try to jiggle your TV and it falls on you. You die alone and helpless as you are pinned to the ground and glass cuts you up. But it's different to last week right?

I wish I was less macabre

That's a bad thing in itself.

I wish I was more macabre.

Granted, you are now a mass murderer. You take out 32 police officers before they take you down.

I wish I was the worlds most interesting man

You're so interesting you break the interesting limit, & everyone's brains have to block out the interesting lest they overload.
You're just a black smudge to everyone.

I wish I could get that black smudge off the wall.

Granted, but now your house is on fire.

I wish my acne would go away.

Granted. Try syphilis instead.

I wish for custard.

Granted. The entire world is smothered in custard. This custard came from outer space, and is in fact an alien weapon.

I wish for eggplant for all.

Granted. You get these guys.


I wish that I would actually sleep at night for once. -.-

Granted. You fall asleep the moment it is night, no matter what you are doing.

I wish for a box filled with explosives.

Granted. You get a nice box of industrial grade ANFO that has been well soaked in water. Too bad that neutralizes its volatility.

I wish that I was better at understanding my thermodynamics homework. @_@

Granted, but your teacher accuses you of cheating and has you kicked out.

I wish that cats ruled the world.

Granted but they all perish due to a kitty-plague. Great going.

I wish that I could push back the clock by two hours.

Granted, but now your clock is two hours slow. Causing you to screw up your schedule.

I wish I was a colossus.

Granted. By which I mean, you're just really fat.

I wish for some more information on the French 35-hour working week.

Granted, but you forget how to apply it, making it useless.

I wish all the kittehs were alive... ;~;

Granted, but now all the puppehs are dead. I hope you're happy.

I wish I could meet whoever voices Eric Cartman in real life.

I am happy. o^^o

Granted, but they don't like you.

I wish that the Earth was void of bacteria.

Granted but he's been replaced by Knuckles the Echidna instead.

I could honestly live with that.

OT: Granted, but all organisms on earth would disappear because we are all made of cells.

Wish I wasn't sick.

That's fine by me, I'm a robot.

OT: Granted, but the cure came at the cost of the lives of a thousand innocent children.

I wish someone constructed Skynet, and installed the Matrix on it.

Granted. In the simulation, you're the only person in the world, which is just an empty field with a banjo in it.

I wish for a banjo.

Granted. You're in Deliverance.

I wish for a raging rhino racing reactively across a rock road.

Granted, but I accidentally incinerate it while trying to kill a mosquito.

I wish I had a spare heat ray.

Granted, but it only makes things 1 degree hotter

I want that one lady from desert punk to come visit me ;)

Granted, but the additional degree of heat from my heat ray killed her.

I wish I had a cookie.

Granted, but it's all burnt.

I wish for a functioning lighter.

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