Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted, but your request was so generic you commit suicide from the guilt.

I wish for EA to no be the worst thing ever.

Granted. They buy out all of the developers that you like and disband them by force.

I wish to yell at Valve.

Granted but all it does is hurt their feelings and makes them push Half-life 3 back further and there are some pretty pissed fanboys wanting meet you.

I wish for a quiet day.

You are now permanently deaf.

I wish to breathe underwater.

Granted. Good luck living as a tuna.

I wish for the best birthday party eva!

Granted it's so good that every year after becomes more and more unfulfilling and hollow.

I wish Music had a bigger effect on the world.

Granted. All the trolls are invited to ruin the birthday party as the party isn't for you.

I wish for cake, lots of it!

(Ninja'd I see. I guess I will just grant both wishes)
@Dr.Susse Granted. Music takes place of religon and many bloody wars are fought because of it.

@thesilentman Granted. Everything you taste from now on will taste like cake and nothing else.

I wish to control time!

Granted here's a watch.
You can set it to what ever time you need.

I wish I could change my username again.

Granted. Now enjoy being locked out of the Escapist.

I wish I could stave off insomnia.

I wish for less wishes.

Granted! *Cuts off your tongue* Now you enjoy being tongueless! >:D

I wish for a wish granting kitty. :3

Captcha:"I'm.... Blushing..." O_o On second thought, I wish Captcha would stop hitting on me! T_T

Granted. You now have a lazy cat named Captcha.

I wish for a pony!

Granted but it is animated and trapped in an endless gif on your phone.

I wish for good food and fun times.

Granted. BUT NONE OF IT IS FOR YOU!

I wish for better drawing skills.

Granted. Your drawings come to life and murder everyone that you care about then enslave you to make more drawings.

I wish for a refreshing glass of iced tea.

Granted the shop was closed so here's a cup of tea with cold water.

I wish for a milk crate.

I wish I had Brain Bleach.

Granted but it's applied the same way as you picture....

Seriously whoa!

I wish for the end to suffering.

Granted. Hope you like the Brave New World!

I wish for less politicians.

Granted. Anarchy reigns.

I wish for a few clones to do multiple things at once.

Granted, but they'll murder you in your sleep for giving them life just as a means to cheap labor.

I wish to wish on eyelashes

Granted. Enjoy your next 37000 lives as eyelashes!

I wish to work more.

Granted. Enjoy your stay in one of Hitler's concentration camps!

I wish I had a time machine...There's something I need to take care of...

Granted. But you can only go backwards in time.
I wish for a shrubbery!

Granted but first you must cut down the tallest tree in the forest......WITH A HERRING!

I wish Monty Python was still around.

Granted, but they do not write any new sketches, they just repeat their old punchlines with no effort.

I wish for some Lego.

Granted, but they are invisible to you.
I wish for a robot with skilled fencing.

He builds more fencing robots and takes over the planet.

I wish I actually loved my girlfriend.

Granted, but she cheats on you a bit later on.
I wish for a cardboard box.

Granted. Said cardboard box is a Mimic that kills you brutally.

I wish for more luck.

Granted. Bad luck though. So much (bad) luck you become the next Bad Luck Brian.

I wish I could be funny on the internet as I am IRL sometimes.

Granted, but you use the same schtick over and over again.
I wish for a sandwich.

Granted. It is made not with bread but with small bags of sand.

And your wish is screwed up, and you cease to exist due to a divide my zero in the thread computer. Don't be sad.

I wish for someone to live the rest of my life without being looked at funny.

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