Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted, but they now download directly into your brain... slowly replacing all of your treasured childhood and adolescent memories... and 'your first time'. Enjoy!

I wish the Ruin-A-Wish Foundation was uncorrupted.

granted, congratulations you have destroyed the very fabric of reality.

I wish I had more money

Granted, you now have one more dollar than before at the cost of 70 years of your life. So congrats I guess.

I wish that I could use my mods in Civ 5 multiplayer.

Granted, but nobody else plays it.

I wish for socks.

Granted, they have holes in them and were previously used by someone with a toe infection.

I wish for a cloak and dagger.

Granted but the cloak glows in the dark and the dagger narrates your every movement. Enjoy your insanity

I wish for a pet chimp

Granted, but it has the exact same voice, personality, and mannerisms as Claptrap. And it never shuts up. Ever.

I wish staika would change their avatar to something less... seizure inducing.

I wish for more Dr Pepper.

Granted, though I may or may not have spilled arsenic into it.

I wish for an unlimited supply of wishes.


I wish for more Dr Pepper.

Your image didn't work.


Granted, but now you find that you can only wish for more and more money to be taken away from you.

I wish I had a working, non-glitchy Portal gun... and that GlaDOS, Wheatley, and all the folks at Aperture Science were nice people.

Granted, you look at the operational end of the device and it kills you.

I wish for Animal Crossing: New Leaf to be released now!

Granted, but now you've been sucked into the game world, are trapped there... and then you realize... you're stuck in the worst game ever made ever. Worse than E.T. even.

I wish the person below me wasn't a blue cat.


I wish I wasn't tired...

Granted, now whenever you start to get tired you will be transported to a world filled with scary psycho clowns.

I wish I had food

Granted, but as you go to eat it, a bear beats the shit out of you and consumes the food himself.

I wish my arms weren't sore.

Granted, you no longer have bones in your arms.

I wish this day would never end

Granted, it gets boring fast and you have to spend the rest of your life bored in a day that will never end.

I wish I didn't die by Scorpion King 3

Granted. You die at Scorpion King 2

(Whatever that is)

I wish I had eidetic memory.

Granted. It fails though, and you get Alzheimer's instead.

I wish for a cuddle.

Granted, but its a cuddle with a Deathclaw in heat. Enjoy your horrible painful death.

I wish Bush had never been president (either of them).

Granted, you have successfully destroyed time and space by changing the past

I wish for a better keyboard

Granted, but the last person who used it didn't take very good care of it. Enjoy trying to clean it.. Who knows what you'll find? O_O

I wish I had more time to myself.

Granted. You're now the last person alive.

I wish I was double-jointed.

Granted, you become double jointed everywhere, basically turning yourself into The Fear. Have fun being killed by Big Boss (Naked Snake).
I wish for a cow.

Granted, but it is delivered to you by the tried and tested method of catapult.

I wish for a better singing voice.

Granted, but now Justin Bieber is stalking you. He's gotten so desperate that he's going to try tearing out your larynx and seeing if he can steal your voice. Have fun with that.

I wish house cats were sentient, and still as adorable, friendly, and lovable as ever.

Granted, but their lifespan has been exponentially reduced.

I wish I didn't love musical soundtracks so much.

Granted, now all music sounds terrible to you.

I wish time was irrelevant.

Granted, the stock market just crashed and now we're heading into another recession. Don't ask me how that makes sense, it just does.

I wish to see the world for once, all standing hand in hand...

Granted, everyone betrays each other immediately!

I wish my foot wasn't itchy.

Granted. You no longer have feet.

I wish to be successful in buying the house my lady and I are hoping for.

Success. The auction, however, will take ten years to complete.

I wish for joy.

Granted here is the Ode to Joy 10,000 times.

I wish for reality television to die in a fire.

Granted, your television is in reality and on fire.

I wish for world peace.

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