Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted, but now they never go back to sleep, and their ceaseless bleating echoes throughout your mind.

I wish I didn't have to get up early.

Granted, I hope you like waking up 11:59 PM of the current day.
I wish for a fountain of hairballs.

Granted. You can pick up from the White House, it's in the Oval Office. The Secret Service has some questions for you.

I wish for wishes that don't ruin themselves.

Granted, they don't ruin themselves for 5 seconds. Enjoy that happiness while you can.

I wish that I had an apple pie ... right next to me.

Granted but there are razor blades in it.

I wish for a better buzz.

Denied, because I don't know the rules of the game and also, RED IS DRUNK.

I wish I knew the rules of every game.

Granted, but then everything in the universe stops following rules.

I wish for a reality warping device.

Granted, but it is broken and only allows reality to be warped so that goats are the dominant species on Earth.

I wish I could travel to all the countries in the world.

Granted. Coincidentally, all countries except for the one you're currently living in have colonized space . . . and they took their land with them (don't ask me how).

I wish Starbucks could brew a decent cup of plain black coffee (seriously, they can make all sorts of mixed drinks, but decent black coffee is somehow beyond them?!).

Granted, but now you need a constant supply of coffee from Starbucks. This is because instead of needing air to live, you now need a constant supply of black coffee from Starbucks.

I wish I had an Iron Man suit of my very own.

Granted. The suit has a personality that erases your own, making sure that you never live again.

I wish for some winnings in chess.

Granted, you win a punch to the face for making your opponent angry.

I wish for more creative ways to ruin wishes.

Granted. But alas, you lose the ability to use them as part of section MLXXXVI sentence 12354325345. See, you can't understand anything if you can ruin everything.

I wish for less boredom on this site.

Granted, you get dragged off to the basement again. It's horrible, horrible infinite pain BUT AT LEAST YOU AREN'T BORED!

I wish for more safety.

No specification equals wish and wishing rights revoked.

I wish for another way to spend my day.

Granted, but this way to spend your day involves cleaning up dog poo all day, every day.

I wish I could play Fallout: Equestria.

Granted but it is buggier than all hell, making it unplayable forever.

I wish for better armor.

Granted. Now your equipment load is so high that you can only move at a slow walk. It's also cursed so that you can never take it off (I hope you didn't drink a lot of water before you put it on).

I wish for the ability to teleport with precision accuracy, and no range limit.

Granted, but once you do it you burn up and die before you reach your first destination.

I wish I could draw like a pro.

It takes hard work and determination, but eventually you manage to become the best drawer since Van Gough. It just took you 30 years to achieve this. Enjoy the rest of your life.

I wish for some cool headphones.

Granted, but they end up being Dr. Dre Beats.. and somehow you manage to lose credibility while wearing them (plus, they don't sound as good as Sennheisers).

I wish my job wasn't so difficult.

Fractral:
It takes hard work and determination, but eventually you manage to become the best drawer since Van Gough. It just took you 30 years to achieve this. Enjoy the rest of your life.

I'll take it! After all, I will still be under 50 & that is plenty of time to enjoy my new talent.

OT: Your job is now slightly less difficult, but with a majorly reduced pay-check. For a 40 hour work week you now get 4 Pesos.

I wish my internet at home was blazing fast.

Granted, but your access to the internet will be limited to 5minutes per day!

I wish I could stop procrastinating.

Granted, but you're now cursed so that your work disappears every 15 minutes.

I wish to be ambidextrous.

MetaKnight670:
snip

Goddamit!

OT: Both of your feet are now capable of holding onto things equally well. Your hands are now useful for nothing but walking on.

I wish I had all the achievements on Xbox Live.

Granted you are now a winy 14 year old now.

I wish I was better at snooker.

Granted, but you're now so good at snooker that nobody wants to play you anymore. Sorry!

I wish porridge tasted nicer.

Granted but now you must burn off your tongue to eat it.

I wish for less friendly fire.

Granted, but now your team-mates just don't try and help at all out of fear of hitting you. Effectively making it you against the world.

I wish for infinite Mudkips.

Granted. Both your party and your box are full and can never be emptied.

I wish to be a companion on Doctor Who.

Granted, but you get killed in the first minute and a half. But hey, you were still a companion for a little bit...right?

I wish for a flawless Medieval Times era game.

Granted but it costs $80000 dollars per copy.

I wish to be a Paladin.

Granted. Your first quest is to kill a man of virtue named Morton with this fork. Have fun! :D

I wish for the ability to cause the person who grants this wish pain and misery.

Granted, but you can only inflict pain upon me that you inflict to yourself first, and I'm a masochist.

I wish I could flip eggs perfectly when cooking them.

Granted. But the eggs must be spoiled.

I wish that the next poster can live happily ever after.

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