Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted it is so comfortable that you never want to get out of it. So your muscles grow weak and wither away.

I wish I wasn't feeling so down.

Granted. You are now feeling significantly more up due to being strapped to a rocket that is shooting up into space.

I wish the next poster wouldn't ruin this wish.

Granted. Unfortunately your attempt to anger me with a wish I can't ruin has impressed me so much that I'm now jubilant.

I wish to experience ultimate despair.

Granted, but nothing changes. This leads to the ultimate existential crisis.

I wish for more wishes

Granted. You receive 2.5 more wishes, all of which will continue to be ruined by others.

I wish that I could tell if it's worth it or not at a glance.

Granted. It's always worth it even if you lose everything you hold dear.

I wish I was good at everything.

Granted, but English professors around the world have united in changing the definition of good to mean: extremely shitty in every way.

I wish for a lifetime supply of tacos!

Granted but they are all psychic.

I wish I was indestructible

Granted. Your body is now made entirely of some new, indestructible metal. You are now a sentient statue and essentially, a vegetable.

I wish for a dinner plate that could materialize any food I wanted.

Granted, but every food tastes like plastic.
CAPTCHA: Because of too many cooks. Nice one, Captcha.

I wish that I'm not so easily distracted.

Granted. You can focus on anything you put your mind to. Any one thing. Forever and ever until your eyes turn to dust.

I wish I had the soul of a poet.

Congradulations Mohamed Rashid al-Ajami, I hope you like your 15 year prison sentence in Qatar! :D

I wish for more people to use the Forum Games.

Granted, they will fill up the Forum Games with sexist/racist-related forum games threads and the like...
(Sounds like a gay old time in my book!)

I wish for CRYSTALS!!!

Granted!
*in walks Crystal Gale, Crystal Bernard, and Crystal Bowersox*

I wish for permanent serenity.

Granted. You are now locked in a room, strapped to a chair, watching Nathan Fillion be captain of a spaceship for the rest of your life.

I wish that each haircut I get looks good.

Granted but they only look good to blind people.

I wish that the person who came up with those video advertisements that start playing automatically would just die.

Granted. They died. Unfortunately, the person who came up with the idea also will invent time travel, and his son goes back in time to uninvent the entire internet in the name of "unnecessarily thorough revenge". Then the universe explodes in the microwave of a 4th dimensional centaur.

I wish that I didn't have a headache right now.

Granted. Can't have a headache if you don't have a head...

I wish I could whistle songs.

Granted, but you can only whistle at the frequency that is going to send many dogs after you.

I wish I could have background music following me around which I could change to my liking whenever I want.

Granted but you can't turn it of which means you will never be able to sleep again.

I wish it isn't necessary to go out and buy new socks.

Done! Because you have no feet!

I wish for the love of my life to appear in front of me.

Granted but its just a mirror.

I wish for less doubts.

Granted, but your new found conviction gives you a terrifying outlook on life.

I wish trolls were more subtle like the good old days.

Granted, the internet has now become a sea of digital bridges... (I wouldn't cross any of them if I were you...)

I wish for the power of hypnotism!

Granted, but it's so effective, you end up hypnotizing yourself. You are now in a permanent coma.

I wish I could be a sexy sax man.

Granted, but people only find your sax sexy and want nothing to do with you

I wish for a million bucks.

Granted!
However... since we did not know what you meant by "a million bucks", we decided to give you a million pairs of

instead...

I wish to always "keep it real"!

Granted now everything is boring and normal.

I wish my other computer was working right now.

Granted, it will only work for the "other you" from another dimension...

I wish Thanksgiving was the new Black Friday!

Granted, but black friday will become the new thanksgiving.

I wish to be the greatest warrior that ever lived!

Granted, you died fighting God himself and sent to Hell for your hubris.

I wish for a hawt muscle girl girlfriend.

I wish this thread would start over.

Granted, the reset will create a paradox that can only be stopped if you die by both "candy" and "TV"...

I wish to be the one who knocks!

Granted, you now only communicate with people through knock-knock jokes.

I wish I could have all of the abilities that people pretend Chuck Norris has.

Granted, you will then get your ass kicked by just the fist in Chuck Norris' beard... since you do not have that particular ability because of how real it actually is...

I wish I was in a Robot Chicken sketch!

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