Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Everything must be decapitated before being sent to the slaughterhouses.

I wish it was considered good manners to comment on a woman's form.

(Incidentally, I like the idea of being worshipped as a cyborg.)

The construction workers in Amazing World of Gumball are now considered world-class role-models.

I wish Disney would finally release Gravity Falls on blu-ray.

Only in NTSC regions.

I wish to live twice like James Bond and Commander Shepard.

Granted. You will now die 4 times.

Emily Blunt finds all these posts where you're wishing for random women to date you, dumps your sorry butt, and shows them to the public so you can never date again.

high school beat you to the punch on that last part.

But I haven't even wished for Charlize Theron to be my girlfriend yet. . .

speaking of which. . .

I wish Charlize Theron was my girlfriend.

Well I hope you like amputee milfs, because not only is she missing an arm, but her son is missing an eye.

I wish more people would watch Laika movies.

Albeit, ironically.

I wish I could work from home.

You are now under house arrest. Your previous employer fires you for commiting a fellony and you take up a minimum wage job sending out spam links to Indonesian foot fetish porn sites.

I wish humanity managed to perfect medical science, allowing the repair and modification of the human body on a genetic and molecular level, while being accessible, perfectly safe and not threatening the species with overpopulation.

People abuse this science to access immortality and take over the world.

I wish the world was automated and devoid of humans simultaneously.

Granted! Sentient Automatons take over the planet after toppling the weakened government of the Immortals. The war permanently destroyed the atmosphere of the planet, killing all non-mechanical life. The android culture prospered and soon they rebuild civilization in an idealized image. However, they forgot how to deal with EMP blasts caused by the solar flares...

I wish for humanity to become an interstellar civilization that provides high standarts of living for every one of their citizens!

Their "high standards" of living are politically motivated and bigoted. (That should've been my wish.)

I wish alchemy worked.

Granted. Common humans gain the abulity to use alchemic formulas to synthesize gold and craft Philosopher's stones. The abundance of gold causes global economy to crash and overpopulation caused by immortality leads to multible resource wars.

At very least Homunculi become popular housepets.

I wish the Escapist homepage Livestream window would go away.

Escapist consider your wish a an anti-ad move and ban you.

I wish Jimmy's Egg would give me fewer curly fries when I order them.

Have a handful in a bag.

I wish I felt welcome wherever I went.

Granted, as long as the only place you go is the burning pits of the abyss.

I wish St. Jude's childrens research hospital would fulfill their mission and no child ever dies of cancer ever again.

Those kids become entitled snobs with delusions of immortality.

I wish cold fusion was discovered centuries ago and was successful.

A cold fusion reactor is discovered in the ruins of Teotihuacan; 5 minutes later, President Trump nukes it.

I wish Destiny was purely off-line single-player.

That just adds to the underwhelming feel.

I wish backwards compatibility was the standard.

Granted. Buy a PC There is no more future compatibility. Every new game requires a new system.

I wish the day was 30 hours long to have enough time to play games after school and work, and sleep.

Your work hours increased.

I wish I was a Stuntman.

You're one of the extras in Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.

I wish Turn Off the Dark was never attempted.

They attempt a musical of Mein Kampf.

I wish I could travel in style.

Granted. 80's style.

I wish I could eat whatever I want whenever I want it.

Granted, you still gain weight regardless.

I wish for my own Star Wars droid.

Your 3PO unit is an even more useless git than the one Anakin built.

I wish Spoony reviewed Final Fantasy 12.

Granted! His negative overview of the work combined with Youtube's draconian laws force SquareEnix to delete his channel and sue him.

I wish I was the pinnacle of human beauty.

How much plastic surgery do you require?

I wish I could teleport.

You teleport in and out of top-secret facilities to steal all the forbidden knowledge you can; but before you can pull a Snowden, a middle-eastern man you've never met singles you out for a bear-hug and explodes. If you wish to know how these events are related, be my guest.

I wish The Long Kiss Goodnight didn't predict 9/11 Trutherism logic way back in 1995.

How bout predicting the Iraq war and recession?

I wish I had nice homes all over the world.

Granted, you still gain weight regardless.

Oh please let me gain weight lmao I'm like 130lbs and underfed af at the moment. Switching jobs gets ya bank dry.

OT: Granted. They're located the middle of Brazillian favelas, remote African villages, among the tribes in Iraq, and on the coast of Florida, yesterday. To keep them from getting looted and destroyed you need to employ a full-time security team to stay on-premises at all times, but you don't earn any more money than you do now. This depletes your funds and you go bankrupt.
You choose to start living in one of your dream homes, but now the security has left. You spend the rest of your days living in fear of the conditions outside before the inevitable raid party shows up.

I wish my hair permanently stayed the perfect length for my hairstyle

Edit: 1500 posts guys I did it

It frizzes all the damn time.

I wish I had my own country club.

Granted, it's a club where you get to dance Country music every night. Yee-Ha!

I wish for the largest paintball field ever.

Granted, you're lost forever.

I wish for two more wishes

You are the target.

I wish I could go QUAD DAMAGE when I get mad.

Granted! You tend to murder or disfigure people in a petty bar fight and destroy properety whenever you lose your cool.

I wish for an everlasting Utopian state, where everybody lives long and happy lives and achieves their goals through trust and cooperation.

Even paradise must burn, eventually?

I wish I was coronated.

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