Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Gee, do you think what I said right above that might have anything do with it?

It was blunt, I admit. Now, if we could get back on track?

I wish for a 2-week holiday in Hollywood Hills.

Granted, however, due to suffocation, you are now permanently entombed in one of those hills.

I wish for the original version of M.C. Escher's "Relativity."

You're living the dream -by which, I mean you're trapped in the dream that inspired the painting.

I wish we could all enter and exit the worlds of artworks at our leisure without damaging them.

So can the characters of these artworks, and, well, "culture shock" comes to mind.

I wish luggage can be digitized for ergonomic convenience.

Your luggage gets hacked and when you open it you get hit with a colossal e-bomb.

I wish I was the dragon warrior!

You are eventually slain by the dragon slayers.

I wish there was no fear of death.

Casual suicide rates skyrocket.

I wish Deadpool would make a cameo in Logan.

It's the only redeeming feature in an underwhelming film.

I wish I was selected to perform heroic acts with major benefits.

Your accounting skills help to save a major charity, no one outside the charity cares to learn cause it bores them.

I wish for a better personal computer.

Granted, but you'll never be able to afford it or the parts to make it.

I wish I could stop feeling lonely.

You are surrounded by literally everyone in the world.

I wish America could protect the world from everything.

The proliferation of American armed forces plunges the world into martial law. Though they could protect the world from everything, America could not protect the world from America itself.

I wish people weren't suicidal

They're homicidal.

I wish I had the Midas touch.

UltraDeth:
They're homicidal.

I wish I had the Midas touch.

You get enslaved by a wealthy businessman who exploits your ability

I wish I was Gandalf, wizard powers and all.

You fall to your death protecting someone.

I wish I could shapeshift into animals.

You shape-shift into a spineless hedgehog

I wish for a prestigious college degree

A degree in Dermatology.

I wish I was of academic mind.

No catch, just granted.

I wish everyone was of academic mind.

Everyone wants a position of authority, then everything thing falls apart due to a case of too many chiefs and not enough Indians.

I wish crime was at an all-time low.

It is. As private prisons lose inmates, they bribe law enforcement to make more offenses punishable and you end up in jail for jaywalking.

I wish macs performed up to their price point.

They will for *exactly* 365 days then they crash.

I wish Scalebound wasn't cancelled.

It's critically successful, yet a huge commercial failure.

I wish mech suits existed.

They exist, but you never get into proper military position to use one. And you're a Ukrainian as Russia invades with their mech army. It's not gonna be fun :(

I wish for pollution to go away

It is now forever all contained in your living space.

I wish I could be paid to swear about video games for the internet.

Ultradeth, Our corrupt government equips their psychopathic soldiers with mech suits to better rape & pillage impoverished countries; a suit is stolen and reverse engineered for use by suicidal terrorists who are smuggled into large crowded cities by train then truck.

Drake, that you only review Early Childhood games with that kind of language gets you nowhere fast.

I wish cops and soldiers across the world were held more accountable for their crimes.

The change in police, military culture and accountability literally makes the world a better place. Racial tensions in USA die down, the Middle East sees a withdrawal of troops, and peace deals are made internationally. However, the new accountability laws go too far in their strictness, and make enlisting for duty less attractive. Over time, the armed forces are whittled down until there's barely anyone left. Police are now overburdened by crimes and the rates soar to 50 year highs, as psychopaths realize that the more they kill the less cops will keep up. "Distrust of governments" would understate how the populace feels, and attempts to appease the people end up leading to a real-life Purge night.

I wish this CSGO major breaks viewership numbers and doesn't stagnate/drop, foreshadowing the demise of the game.

Granted. Global rioting ensues.

I wish interviews would be done away with, "field performance tests" are used instead, and only positions where interviewing is an actual part of the job are allowed to conduct pre-employment interviews.

the people who would lose their jobs because of such (civil service commissions) become very angry with me.

I wish my voice was ****ING POWERFUL! ala

You self-exile to the Moon with your telepathic wife because your every whisper could shatter mountains. And do you REALLY want your significant other to know literally every thought in your head? Also the Hulk shows your pummeled corpse to the world as a declaration of war.

I wish superheroes were never absorbed into shared universes.

No great crossovers, that is all.

I wish all of America was really friendly.

Much like the aliens in Home, we take the "kill them with kindness" approach to conquest; and YOU have the voice of Sheldon Cooper.

I wish to discover a genetic archive of every species that ever lived across the Milky Way staffed by advanced aliens who hire me to keep stock of it all.

It's all kept stock on computers and a power surge destroys the hard drive along with all the data.

I wish the Helghast were a benevolent empire.

It is overtaken by a an empire the exact opposite of benevolent.

I wish I was paid to swear about movies for the internet.

Everyone hates that your criticism is just mindless vulgarity without any substance and, just like the Irate Gamer, you're forgotten (but without the stigma of plagiarizing AVGN).

I wish plagiarists were more commonly exposed and laughed out of their chosen fields.

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