Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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You manage to budge it, right into your eye; while a doctor is outfitting you with an eye-patch, A bratty little girl pulls the sword and becomes a tyrant queen.

I wish to know what's so great about New 52.

UltraDeth:
Now you sound like a cross between Barry White and Roger Moore, which causes untold embarrassment as it's all you sound like, even when emotional.

https://youtu.be/XOS8sRrd_Oc?t=1m12s

OT: granted. Disappointed with the knowledge that it's actually only great because DCecret society banded together to pretend it was good, you wander off into nothingness, in pursuit of lasting and meaningful entertainment.

I wish I knew if a meal or product was going to taste good before ordering or buying.

You now have the abulity to taste things simply by thinking about them. When going through a meat iesle you can taste the various products on the shelves, when going through the streets you can taste the exhaust pipes of the vehicles and the asphalt beneath your feet, when use a public toilet you throw up.

I wish for everybody on the planet would be stuck in the body of the opposite sex for five years in order to resolve gender conflicts once and for all.

Nobody gets accustomed to changing gender and go berserk.

I wish vigilante was a recognized career.

It becomes recognized by the state, however this creates tension between civil mercenaries and the police, which leads to a quazi-gang war between batman-wannabees and law enforcement.

I wish humans established a galactic empire

Within a year it's discovered the new Human capital is located near the Eye of Terror.

I wish I could find collectables in the mail.

You find collectible fast-food coupons for chains that you never want to visit.

I wish George Miller good health at least long enough to make all the Mad Max movies he wants.

The cult director is rejuvinated as his physical health is now at its peak, however his mental state begins to rapidly decline which has a significant impact on his film making.

The next three Mad Max films feature Max (recast as Charlie Sheen) stumbling across a colony of talking animals from Miller's previous films. The film revolves around the protagonist cooperating with militant vegans to shut down a bug-powder factory. Maxim falls in love with a pig, who happends to be the leader of the tribe and kisses her at the end of the trillogy.

I wish Dwarf Fortress became really popular and was researched in universities

University students graduate with a PH.D in simulator games.

I wish I could telepathically influence people to be rational.

UltraDeth:
University students graduate with a PH.D in simulator games.

Again, how is a bad thing? Remember to explain the detailed consequences of the wish, since simmulation development in the context of pedagogics and information systems would actually be rather useful in this day of age.

Anyway

The moment you stop concetrating on them, their previous irrational beliefs return and their mind forgets the rational discussion that you attempted to conduct.

I wish gene therapy research had far more funding than it does now

All this funding buys out the health service and all patients must report to gene alteration labs.

I wish there was as many soldiers on patrol as there are in fiction.

UltraDeth:
Your cat steals food from other cats, instead.

I wish life had cartoon physics.

I already made that wish in this thread!

Back on topic: Granted: They are all released for deriliction of duty after being found falling down drunk on the job.

I wish life had an easy button.

Granted! However, just like in games, you get less experience and loot. You face very little challanges, however you fail to gain any wizdom or profound knowledge and spend the rest of your life living a mundate and mediocre existance.

I wish life had a NG+

Just like From Software games, Everything gets a whole lot harder. (Makes sense sadly.)

I wish resources respawned, just like in games.

Without challenge, we lose all ambition and become undignified pets unto nothingness.

I wish abridged series could be sold on DVD.

Granted! Due to this the concept of copyright crumbles, which leads to the works of small-time creators being stolen or plaguarised and big business hiring hiring black ops operatives to crack down on pirates and immitators.

I wish to find true love in a beautiful person who loves me back

She's smoking hot, but your intense and true love is founded on you shared love for stealing and then burning tons of money.

I wish I was less hairy.

In place of your hair your body begins to excrete a corrosive thick oily black substace with a strong scent of sulphur. You can't wash off.

I wish everybody was born in a body which matched their gender idenity.

This reliable consistency of body and soul preserves prejudice against people who like to act like the other gender just for fun.

I wish to see right through you, to the real you.

Granted, but I'm the invisible man.
Song reference wars

I wish I was a little bit taller

You hit your head on low hanging objects.

I wish I could be remembered after death.

Granted! The acts that lead to your passing were so deplorable that your name became an insult.

I wish shaving facial hair was easy and comfortable.

Granted, but you live in Ice Age Antarctica.

I wish the notion of holiday tradition didn't turn everyone into mindless drones.

Granted, now people read in to the original meaning of the holiday to the point of obsession and begin show signs of religious/ideological zeal for the duration of the celebration.

I wish forests, rainforests and tundras stopped being destroyed by human industrial expansion

Industries expand upon their own constructs, creating towering eyesores.

All plants are now the plant/animal hybrids that Poison Ivy always wanted, and so hostile that it's impossible for herbivores to eat anything; all of our mega-fauna ecosystems go extinct.

I wish Venus was safe to visit.

But the weather is unbearable.

I wish I could do parkour.

Granted, however you become way too overconfident in your abulities, which leads to a few painful, though hilarious accidents

I wish all powerful social structures were run by individuals with a keep sense of morality and ethics.

UltraDeth:
But the weather is unbearable.

I take it you mean "on the level of very bad Earth weather", as in it's been barely improved enough to not kill us? Sure.

"Keep", for the purpose of this wish, means the opposite of "keen".

I wish typos never happened.

Grammar Nazis distribute severe punishments to those who commit grammatical/typographical errors.

I wish depression wasn't so overwhelming.

Granted. Raw, seething hatred takes its place as being overwhelming.

I wish all it took to become a kung fu master was a 5 minute training montage

Granted! Due to the fact that each and every person is now able to attain peak martial arts skills in a few minutes, the importance and social relevance of such a profession are devalued. Being a black belt is as impressive as having an abulity to ride a bike.

Kung Fu is later banned after an accident involving a mentally unstable teenager snapping the necks of 20 of his fellow classmates and teachers.

I wish humans could not do any harm to other humans.

People end up spoilt.

I wish I could escape into a dream world when feeling low.

You become dependent on that dream world to feel any happiness, and much like a drug addict you leave the real world behind, a recluse forevermore.

I wish for the best pair of headphones

You have headphones with volume-control so complex that you could identify events happening miles away from the recording equipment regardless of how many walls or competing noise there was, but you neglect to check the settings before the first test and the loudness of it permanently deafens you.

I wish Ultradeth would understand the difference between "never happening" and "punished severely every time it happens".

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